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Losing a Son
It is with the deepest, inexpressible pain that Robin and I mourn the death of our son Tyler who ended his life a week ago. For over two decades Tyler battled the voices of paranoid schizophrenia. His whole family participated fully in his life with every available resource for body, mind, and soul. Tyler’s legacy is a love for family, farming, poetry, and letter writing. His gentle kindness was felt by any and all who had the benefit of his presence. His encouragement was a ballast, giving of himself to others. His dogs and cats experienced a love they could never have found elsewhere.
Tyler and I had constant conversations about all of life, he and I were resources for each other in our reading and writing. We spent hours and hours talking about great authors and the impact of their works on us. I was constantly learning from him. His editorial skills were second to none. He was an auditory editor, asking me to read aloud. And he would stop me when he heard a word out of place or he would offer a new approach to a sentence. He pushed me to be better in my teaching and writing in the best of ways. His poetry plumbed the depths of spirit I only saw at a distance. He saw and felt in ways that opened new vistas of expression for me.
I would always end my conversations with my son by saying, “You’re my hero.” He was a monument of perseverance and relentless courage in the face of a darkness I will never know. He fought and fought until he could fight no more.
We would often revel in our friendship. We both knew that being friends as son and father was a treasure to be cherished. And we enjoyed each other’s company with an ease and a presence I will miss terribly.
There is a need now to grieve, wail, moan, and cry; to silently scream and loudly lament. It is a time of woe. And there is no sense trying to say something that will mask the agony of losing a son. I will miss him the rest of my days and look forward with great anticipation to being reunited with him on the Other Side.
Hold each other close. Give as much as you can to others in need. Care for everyone in your spheres of influence. Be bold in your love.
Schizophrenia robs a person of who they are. Tyler battled his illness but never lost his care for others. In honor of Tyler and our family, some of my former students organized a fundraiser for IJM.org Please consider giving for those who cannot defend themselves to honor Tyler’s care for others: https://www.mightycause.com/story/Tylermicaheckelfund
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Condolences on your loss. Mental illness makes for a hard life and harder death.
May the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Imaculate Heart of Mary give you and your family comfort. I will pray for the repose of Tyler’s soul. +JMJ
I cannot fathom your pain. I pray that you will find moments of comfort and peace in the coming days.
There are no words to fully express my feelings at your loss. No family should have to deal this….
Such awful news – I am deeply sorry to hear it.
May you and yours be comforted, and always treasure the memories of your son. May his memory be a blessing.
Sorry for your terrible loss. That’s gut wrenching in its pain.
Mark, I am sitting here with my six-year-old son as I read this. I can not imagine the pain of your loss. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your son in his adult years. That is something to cherish, and something I hope for with my own son and my daughters. Tonight I will hoist a beverage in Tyler’s honor. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into his life.
Caryn and I offer our sincerest condolences. I can’t imagine what it is like losing a son. God bless you and your family.
”Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
”Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
”So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”
Sincere condolences for your loss, and may you all find peace.
@BryanGStephens thank you for your good work on behalf of others and your prayer for me here.
Gratitude for your good and kind words @DougWatt
@NathanaelFerguson A group of adult, masters level students, all in ministerial pursuits, once asked me, “What kind of father were you?” The class had just begun, no content had been presented. But these ten young fathers wanted an honest answer. I smiled and said, “If I have done anything good in this life, it has been to be a good dad to my kids.” All ten men were shocked. Comments and questions erupted around the room. One spoke for the rest, “We have asked that question of many fathers who are high profile pastors and professors. We have always heard exactly the opposite from them, that they regretted not spending more time with their kids. What made it different for you?” I smiled again and said, “I believe in quantity-time over quality-time. I made appointments with other people but never with my children. I was there when they woke up, went about our daily routines, and when they went to bed at night. And I believe that the only things I can take with me to Heaven are my children.”
I hope you find the intended encouragement in these words. They are meant as such.
And thanks for the toast. Both Tyler and I would join you.
Hallelujah and Amen.
Terribly sad for your loss. There are so many things we don’t understand and try our best to do it anyway. After that, our consolation is that they rest in God’s hands relieved of their struggles. I thought that about Naomi Judd – a beautiful, talented woman surrounded by those that loved her, and still, she could not overcome that struggle. Your description of your son is a reflection of all the goodness and joy he did find in spite of his struggle. God is nearest to the broken-hearted. God bless you and your dear family.
Your son was, as you describe him, a wonderful person and kind soul. His loss is obviously devastating…I can’t even imagine. Your love for him is apparent in your eulogy. I am so sorry. May he be in peace.
So sorry.
Mr. Eckel, my greatest condolences to you and your family. We lost our middle son, Philip, fifteen years ago to an apparent suicide. He had drug and alcohol problems. The support we received from fellow parishioners, neighbors and friends was incredible. I hope you and your family have received the same kind of support. Remember Tyler every day for the rest of your life, I do with Philip.
Ned
I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I have a daughter who struggles in a similar way. Your admonishment is taken to heart. May you receive the Lord’s comfort in your grief.