A “Mother’s Day” Letter to Wormwood


(Apologies to the late, great C.S. Lewis, author of “The Screwtape Letters,” which inspired this parody).

My Dearest Wormwood,

What were you thinking? Did you not notice the calendar before you inspired our favorite US Supreme Court clerk’s leak of the THAT Supreme Court Justice’s first draft of an opinion to overturn the delicious 1973 decision, Roe v. Wade?

But no, you had to inspire our loyal clerk to secretly share the draft with a useful idiot at Politico days before the ONE DAY OF THE YEAR that humans honor their MOTHERS. This, after all we have done to undermine the enemy’s foundation of his world, the family unit.

Do you not see the irony? Inspiring an attack on overturning a law that prevented and undermined motherhood just before a day that lionizes it?

Yes, of course, our clerk undoubtedly yielded to your temptations of fabulous riches from their actions. Even if they forfeit their promising legal career, your whispered promises of lucrative book deals, lectures, and media stardom were quite successful, minus one critical detail: the timing.

Our court clerk will no doubt collect on his part of the bargain. Hopefully, he will not undermine our effort by lying and finding himself subject to criminal prosecution. Indeed, as you undoubtedly will instruct, he will play our victim card, but it will undermine his credibility and, thus, his action’s persuasive powers over our increasingly hostile American electorate. Contrary to the standards of Our Father Below, you should advise him to tell the truth when the court’s inquisitors come knocking.

Today, of course, is one of our most hated annual observances, Mother’s Day, which only slightly exceeds that of Father’s Day. And we have undermined both, individually and collectively, in so many insidious and beautiful ways.

As Our Father Below taught us in the Garden of Eden, we have persuaded humans to embrace narcissism, that they can know and even create their versions of good and evil. As of late, we have convinced so many humans that they are the ultimate masters over their bodily creation and destiny. We have enticed them to believe that biology is bigotry, to reject their gender at birth and choose their own, among many, and that fathers and mothers are unnecessary. Our excellent allies in government schools are their true “parents.”

We have taught them that it genuinely “Takes a Village” and that it doesn’t “Take a Family,” although we have done incredible work to muddle the definition of “family.” We have succeeded in our plans to increase the number of children born to single birthing parents (I dare not say mothers), delaying the age at which people marry. We’ve persuaded Apple to adopt pregnant men emojis now featured on millions of iPhones.

All that was left was to redefine “Mothers Day” into “Birthing Parents Day.” We have persuaded many to criticize corporations like the German grocery chain Lidl that advertising on Mothers Day is sexist. We have successfully outraged parents over a song written by a child to honor their “mother.”

But with your wise but badly-timed leak around this Mother’s Day, you have refocused human minds around the obvious distinctions that women enjoy in society, particularly their unique ability to give birth to and nurture children. Women are, once again, being celebrated and honored for their uniqueness and contributions to humanity.

Once again, the enemy’s vision of a society built on a two-parent family anchored by a gentle, kind, supportive, and nurturing mother will get an unfortunate lift. What’s next, Wormwood, honoring fathers who marry their mothers and share a home with them?

As Apple’s founder disgustingly once uttered, people everywhere will pay tribute to their mothers for not aborting them. We have done so much to promote the abortion of unborn human lives.

Do you not see the enemy’s handiwork here?

You disappoint me, Wormwood. Remember who your father is. He’s paying attention. And he is not happy with you. Your uncle certainly isn’t.



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There are 4 comments.

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  1. E. Kent Golding Member
    E. Kent Golding

    Well done.   C.S. Lewis would be honored.

    • #1
  2. Flicker Coolidge

    Well, at least we aren’t celebrating Others Day today.  So that’s good.  One less thing.

    • #2
  3. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette

    Kelly, well done!

    • #3
  4. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat

    E. Kent Golding (View Comment):

    Well done. C.S. Lewis would be honored.

    Yes – outstanding! How many harping outside on the streets in protests have never heard of CS Lewis? 

    • #4
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