Slick Willie’s Last Perp Walk

 

In what will likely be his final DNC address Bill Clinton delivered a snooze burger of a speech that received blistering eruptions of applause from the scabs in the audience. The man with stamina enough for his self-proclaimed 2000 lovers ( most after he took his sweet bride across the aisle) seemed as droning and foggy as a roofed intern despite the Pavlovian media’s cholinergic drool fest over his pleas for his devoted queen. With the pallor of 5 decades of substance abuse, the hoarseness of a Brenda Vaccaro Playtex tampon ad, and the awareness of a man with too many hours on cardiac bypass, old scratch had his way one final time with the bovine spongiform encephalopathic journalists desperate to elect their mad cow.

Barring a Clinton victory and evading Cialis toxicity, we may have just seen the media’s final roll in the hay with Slick Wille. It’s always been a sexual thing with him and the media. The women reporters would adore servicing the man who kept baby killing smooth and the liberal beta male crack pundits would probably join in the copulatory heap too if ordered by their alpha female polyandric democratic sycophantic darlings.

I think he’s done and he knows it. His bad brand is about to get far more tainted in the coming months, so tonight was the hail to the thief moment. The penicillin resistant syphlitic political criminal king of all time likely had his swan song. The loyalists gave it an A+ and Bill left the stage a hero instead of dragging behind him the silent reproach of a million tear stained eyes.

Well the old scoundrel has had a good run at our expense. He’s had one of the greatest Faustian ( or is that Faustained) adventures of all time, all the while in the public eye. The audacity of unbridled hedonism and corruption, largely unreported, barely discussed in polite company, marks him as the greatest political rogue of modern times. The former president likely will be smiling all the way down his express elevator to hell because he beat us all. We let him. Well played sir.

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  1. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.

    • #1
  2. DocJay Inactive
    DocJay
    @DocJay

    Judge Mental:This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.

    Well I’m working on about six ounces of Jameson and I laughed myself silly with my obnoxious sentences..  So I’ll smile for you.

    • #2
  3. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    DocJay:

    Judge Mental:This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.

    Well I’m working on about six ounces of Jameson and I laughed myself silly with my obnoxious sentences.. So I’ll smile for you.

    I loved it right up until he got away with it.  And yeah, there are some real gems in there.

    • #3
  4. DocJay Inactive
    DocJay
    @DocJay

    This article was for @James Lileks who even on his worst day is better than me at writing.  But…. since we are paying homage to kings tonight why not wax Lileksian.

    • #4
  5. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    DocJay:This article was for @James Lileks who even on his worst day is better than me at writing. But…. since we are paying homage to kings tonight why not wax Lileksian.

    @jameslileks knows not to include spaces in mentioning another member.

    • #5
  6. Pseudodionysius Inactive
    Pseudodionysius
    @Pseudodionysius

    Poor Brenda Vaccarro.

    • #6
  7. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    Pseudodionysius:Poor Brenda Vaccarro.

    Nobody under 45 will ever appreciate a Brenda Vaccaro joke.

    Analogizing to Kathleen Turner only gets you down to about 40.

    • #7
  8. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    Judge Mental:

    DocJay:

    Judge Mental:This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.

    Well I’m working on about six ounces of Jameson and I laughed myself silly with my obnoxious sentences.. So I’ll smile for you.

    I loved it right up until he got away with it. And yeah, there are some real gems in there.

    My sentiments exactly. Really good though haha. I stopped watching after a few minutes of the “I met a girl” crap because it made me sick. The spectacle of the crowd and the so-called journalists falling all over themselves to adore a disgraced, license-suspended lawyer and impeached former president who soiled the Oval Office and the White House and our entire country was truly ignoble. And now they’ll adore his despicable wife and partner in crime when she gets up there with her grating voice and braying fake laugh. Why does nobody seem to notice or care that they scrape the bottom of the barrel for their heroes.

    • #8
  9. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    And let’s see this on the main feed to counteract the ridiculous fawning accolades of the rest of the stupid internet.

    • #9
  10. The Scarecrow Thatcher
    The Scarecrow
    @TheScarecrow

    Plus, Pink Floyd reference . . . nice.

    • #10
  11. Columbo Inactive
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    A little pictorial “walk through history” is in order for this thread …..

    Bill Clinton Portrait in National Portrait Gallery Has Shadowy Reference to Monica Lewinsky

    monicadressbjportrait

    • #11
  12. Addiction Is A Choice Member
    Addiction Is A Choice
    @AddictionIsAChoice

    Think of how good it would be for Hillary if something were to happen to to Bill. She’d finally be free! Plus, a State Funeral would be the perfect venue for introducing “The Real Hillary.” If she kept the cackling to a minimum, she could shed a few tears and humanize in a way not possible on Saturday Night Live. Plus, if you think back to her senate campaign, “Hillary-As-Victim” is a polling powerhouse (see Lazio, Rick); it could give her the edge.

    • #12
  13. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    RightAngles:

    Judge Mental:

    DocJay:

    Judge Mental:This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.

    Well I’m working on about six ounces of Jameson and I laughed myself silly with my obnoxious sentences.. So I’ll smile for you.

    I loved it right up until he got away with it. And yeah, there are some real gems in there.

    My sentiments exactly. Really good though haha. I stopped watching after a few minutes of the “I met a girl” crap because it made me sick. The spectacle of the crowd and the so-called journalists falling all over themselves to adore a disgraced, license-suspended lawyer and impeached former president who soiled the Oval Office and the White House and our entire country was truly ignoble. And now they’ll adore his despicable wife and partner in crime when she gets up there with her grating voice and braying fake laugh. Why does nobody seem to notice or care that they scrape the bottom of the barrel for their heroes.

    Ah, come on! Tell us how you really feel!

    The pair of them make me nauseous.

    • #13
  14. PHCheese Inactive
    PHCheese
    @PHCheese

    Oh my Doc, you are on your game today.

    • #14
  15. Doug Kimball Thatcher
    Doug Kimball
    @DougKimball

    I’ve not see this may hilarious medical metaphors since I did that research paper in Bio 5 on Ritual Female Circumcision (the underlying research, I’m not kidding, was written by a guy named Wellington Hung.)

    We should mention his jawline.  Show of hands please.  How many visits to the chin Mohel did it take to sculpt that mandible? 2? 3? More?  The skin on his face an neck was so tight – he probably got that new treatment, Cialis injections instead of Botox.

    I digress…

    • #15
  16. Kay of MT Inactive
    Kay of MT
    @KayofMT

    A Prime analysis!

    • #16
  17. Addiction Is A Choice Member
    Addiction Is A Choice
    @AddictionIsAChoice

    Doug Kimball:”…(the underlying research, I’m not kidding, was written by a guy named Wellington Hung.)…”

    That’d be “Hung Wellington” in the phone book ;)

    • #17
  18. Pseudodionysius Inactive
    Pseudodionysius
    @Pseudodionysius

    RightAngles:And let’s see this on the main feed to counteract the ridiculous fawning accolades of the rest of the stupid internet.

    Done!

    • #18
  19. Pseudodionysius Inactive
    Pseudodionysius
    @Pseudodionysius

    ctlaw:

    Pseudodionysius:Poor Brenda Vaccarro.

    Nobody under 45 will ever appreciate a Brenda Vaccaro joke.

    Analogizing to Kathleen Turner only gets you down to about 40.

    Vaccarro, Turner Attorneys At Law. Your philandering husband staining dresses again? We’ll take care of him.

    • #19
  20. Columbo Inactive
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    Columbo:A little pictorial “walk through history” is in order for this thread …..

    Bill Clinton Portrait in National Portrait Gallery Has Shadowy Reference to Monica Lewinsky

    monicadressbjportrait

    This one was for you @docjay!

    • #20
  21. Kay of MT Inactive
    Kay of MT
    @KayofMT

    That dress means nothing as everybody in AR has the same DNA, so I’ve been told.

    • #21
  22. Johnnie Alum 13 Inactive
    Johnnie Alum 13
    @JohnnieAlum13

    That was great!

    • #22
  23. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Kay of MT:That dress means nothing as everybody in AR has the same DNA, so I’ve been told.

    Now that’s just plain mean!

    • #23
  24. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    JustmeinAZ:

    Kay of MT:That dress means nothing as everybody in AR has the same DNA, so I’ve been told.

    Now that’s just plain mean!

    Arkansas! Three million people, 16 last names.

    • #24
  25. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    ctlaw:

    Pseudodionysius:Poor Brenda Vaccarro.

    Nobody under 45 will ever appreciate a Brenda Vaccaro joke.

    Analogizing to Kathleen Turner only gets you down to about 40.

    Haha! And a surprising number of people of all ages don’t realize he was impeached. I just talked to a woman in her 60s the other day who corrected me when I said he’d been impeached. She thought it had to mean “removed from office.”

    • #25
  26. DocJay Inactive
    DocJay
    @DocJay

    JustmeinAZ:

    Kay of MT:That dress means nothing as everybody in AR has the same DNA, so I’ve been told.

    Now that’s just plain mean!

    Just because virgin implies a girl that can out run her brothers….

    • #26
  27. DocJay Inactive
    DocJay
    @DocJay

    Awww, I had my acronym edited and they took away my hearts.   Whence my hearts ;-)

    • #27
  28. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    Excellent.

    • #28
  29. Dave Sussman Member
    Dave Sussman
    @DaveSussman

    DocJay: liberal beta male crack pundits

    But, but they make me feel manlier.

    Well done. More references than a 60 minute Dennis Miller monologue.

    • #29
  30. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    DocJay:Awww, I had my acronym edited and they took away my hearts. Whence my hearts ?

    I read elsewhere that recommendations go away if a post is edited – that is not good. Everybody get goin and re-heart this thing.

    • #30
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