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Slick Willie’s Last Perp Walk
In what will likely be his final DNC address Bill Clinton delivered a snooze burger of a speech that received blistering eruptions of applause from the scabs in the audience. The man with stamina enough for his self-proclaimed 2000 lovers ( most after he took his sweet bride across the aisle) seemed as droning and foggy as a roofed intern despite the Pavlovian media’s cholinergic drool fest over his pleas for his devoted queen. With the pallor of 5 decades of substance abuse, the hoarseness of a Brenda Vaccaro Playtex tampon ad, and the awareness of a man with too many hours on cardiac bypass, old scratch had his way one final time with the bovine spongiform encephalopathic journalists desperate to elect their mad cow.
Barring a Clinton victory and evading Cialis toxicity, we may have just seen the media’s final roll in the hay with Slick Wille. It’s always been a sexual thing with him and the media. The women reporters would adore servicing the man who kept baby killing smooth and the liberal beta male crack pundits would probably join in the copulatory heap too if ordered by their alpha female polyandric democratic sycophantic darlings.
I think he’s done and he knows it. His bad brand is about to get far more tainted in the coming months, so tonight was the hail to the thief moment. The penicillin resistant syphlitic political criminal king of all time likely had his swan song. The loyalists gave it an A+ and Bill left the stage a hero instead of dragging behind him the silent reproach of a million tear stained eyes.
Well the old scoundrel has had a good run at our expense. He’s had one of the greatest Faustian ( or is that Faustained) adventures of all time, all the while in the public eye. The audacity of unbridled hedonism and corruption, largely unreported, barely discussed in polite company, marks him as the greatest political rogue of modern times. The former president likely will be smiling all the way down his express elevator to hell because he beat us all. We let him. Well played sir.
Published in General
This started out really fun and just ended up depressing as hell.
Well I’m working on about six ounces of Jameson and I laughed myself silly with my obnoxious sentences.. So I’ll smile for you.
I loved it right up until he got away with it. And yeah, there are some real gems in there.
This article was for @James Lileks who even on his worst day is better than me at writing. But…. since we are paying homage to kings tonight why not wax Lileksian.
@jameslileks knows not to include spaces in mentioning another member.
Poor Brenda Vaccarro.
Nobody under 45 will ever appreciate a Brenda Vaccaro joke.
Analogizing to Kathleen Turner only gets you down to about 40.
My sentiments exactly. Really good though haha. I stopped watching after a few minutes of the “I met a girl” crap because it made me sick. The spectacle of the crowd and the so-called journalists falling all over themselves to adore a disgraced, license-suspended lawyer and impeached former president who soiled the Oval Office and the White House and our entire country was truly ignoble. And now they’ll adore his despicable wife and partner in crime when she gets up there with her grating voice and braying fake laugh. Why does nobody seem to notice or care that they scrape the bottom of the barrel for their heroes.
And let’s see this on the main feed to counteract the ridiculous fawning accolades of the rest of the stupid internet.
Plus, Pink Floyd reference . . . nice.
A little pictorial “walk through history” is in order for this thread …..
Bill Clinton Portrait in National Portrait Gallery Has Shadowy Reference to Monica Lewinsky
Think of how good it would be for Hillary if something were to happen to to Bill. She’d finally be free! Plus, a State Funeral would be the perfect venue for introducing “The Real Hillary.” If she kept the cackling to a minimum, she could shed a few tears and humanize in a way not possible on Saturday Night Live. Plus, if you think back to her senate campaign, “Hillary-As-Victim” is a polling powerhouse (see Lazio, Rick); it could give her the edge.
Ah, come on! Tell us how you really feel!
The pair of them make me nauseous.
Oh my Doc, you are on your game today.
I’ve not see this may hilarious medical metaphors since I did that research paper in Bio 5 on Ritual Female Circumcision (the underlying research, I’m not kidding, was written by a guy named Wellington Hung.)
We should mention his jawline. Show of hands please. How many visits to the chin Mohel did it take to sculpt that mandible? 2? 3? More? The skin on his face an neck was so tight – he probably got that new treatment, Cialis injections instead of Botox.
I digress…
A Prime analysis!
That’d be “Hung Wellington” in the phone book ;)
Done!
Vaccarro, Turner Attorneys At Law. Your philandering husband staining dresses again? We’ll take care of him.
This one was for you @docjay!
That dress means nothing as everybody in AR has the same DNA, so I’ve been told.
That was great!
Now that’s just plain mean!
Arkansas! Three million people, 16 last names.
Haha! And a surprising number of people of all ages don’t realize he was impeached. I just talked to a woman in her 60s the other day who corrected me when I said he’d been impeached. She thought it had to mean “removed from office.”
Just because virgin implies a girl that can out run her brothers….
Awww, I had my acronym edited and they took away my hearts. Whence my hearts ;-)
Excellent.
But, but they make me feel manlier.
Well done. More references than a 60 minute Dennis Miller monologue.
I read elsewhere that recommendations go away if a post is edited – that is not good. Everybody get goin and re-heart this thing.