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‘Celebrating’ Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month
“Moon River…”
The lockdowns led to a plummet in 2020 cancer screenings, so the Colorectal Cancer Alliance leaped to action in 2021. March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, featuring a national conference, a Walk to End Colon Cancer, and Dress in Blue Day. (Was brown not available?)
All this awareness stuff worked; I finally followed my doctor’s colonoscopy advice this week. He called in a prescription for something called PEG-3350, a gallon jug with powder inside. The pharmacist handed me the bottle and said, “have a good one!” I promise you, ma’am, I will not be having a good one.
Got home, filled it with water, made the sign of the cross, and camped out in my bathroom for the evening. The brand name for this concoction is GoLYTELY but there’s nothing light about it. A bottle of Liquid-Plumr would be easier on the old GI. Since I spent the day before the procedure fasting, I didn’t think there would be much to expel from my alimentary canal. One gallon later, it was clean as a whistle.
I arrived at the endoscopy center five pounds lighter, saying, “All right, Dr. Mahajani, I’m ready for my close-up.” I changed into the hospital gown (such a humiliating garment) and was tricked out with an IV, blood pressure monitor, and oxygen tubes. The nurse told me to lay on my left side and expose my haunches so the doctor could achieve the right angle of attack.
“Excellent,” the nurse said. “Very dignified.”
The next thing I remember is a blurry doc telling me he removed four polyps (such a humiliating word), which are likely pre-cancerous but he’ll let me know for sure when the biopsy is done.
All in all, an excellent 24 hours.
Since colon cancer felled both my mom and grandpa, I’m due for another check-up in three-and-a-half years. Or four-and-a-half if the Wuhan lab is planning a 2024 release.
I’m only writing this because I’m still loopy from the anesthesia. Also, to remind you: get yer butt checked.
Published in General
All very good advice, but the picture of Chevy Chase is from his prostate exam in “Fletch.” He’s clearly not anesthetized there.
My brother had it done a couple of years ago, and reported that the prep was worse than the actual procedure. WARNING: graphic medical comment ahead: “Any remaining remnants of everything I’ve eaten in the last five years were expelled,” he said.
My next one is in two weeks. The prep is definitely worse than the procedure. But I watched my grandfather die of colon cancer. I don’t want to go through that.
Look up Dave Barry’s article on colonoscopies. Like almost all Dave Barry, it’s hilarious.
He recommends a toilet with seat belts.
I have read (somewhere) that a pill has been developed that makes use of the go-litely stuff obsolete. I have never heard of anyone actually using it.
The best take on colonoscopy- a gastroenterologist friend showed me this- if you are at all familiar with the procedure you will laugh until it hurts:
enjoy
“Well he died, but at least it wasn’t the COVID.”
My wife got hers a few months ago. At least it got her out of the house.
Let’s see if I can get myself back in control after listening to Billy Connolly! The funniest man alive!
Anyway, back in the 1960s I was engaged to a doctor’s daughter. Her father had had colon cancer and survived. In fact, nearly 30 years later I was back in New York on a run and passed his house/office and saw that he was still practicing medicine, probably in his 70s or 80s. During the time I was engaged, my fiancee’s uncle, on her mother’s side, died of colorectal cancer. His story was particularly poignant, one I never forgot.
He worked for a big corporation, chemicals, I think. A few years before he died he had had a colonoscopy. The examination had found polyps in his lower colon. The examining doc said he should have them removed. The company doc told him that it wasn’t necessary, that it was radical, in fact. He let it go, following the advice of the company doc. Several years later he was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. He was dead within six months of the diagnosis, having not even reached his 60th birthday. The juxaposition of the two brothers-in-law struck me at age 20 as an object lesson. My then prospective father-in-law had undergone some pretty radical surgery, much more than he would have had to do if his condition had been found in the polyp stage. He very likely would not have had to have a portion of his colon and rectum removed and replaced with an external bag. However, even with that “inconvenience” he lived a long and productive life.
I had my first colonoscopy a few years ago. The procedure itself was inconsequential. The preparation for it was, as Billy Connelly describes, horrendous, but given that the results of the exam were negative and I don’t have to go through examination for another 10 years, not a big deal. No matter how bad that experience is, it isn’t nearly as bad as dying of colorectal cancer or living with the consequences of the surgery to remove the cancer in its early stages. One evening of “cleansing the bowels” isn’t too bad compared to the possible alternatives.
There is only good news from a colonoscopy. You may be completely cancer-free. Or you may have some polyps that can be snipped off. Or you may have colon cancer which for me was completely cured by surgery. If you are due for a colonoscopy, don’t put it off. Get it done as scheduled. Please.
Or, you wake up cold sober from the drug-induced stupor as the Dr says “Oh-oh, that isn’t good.” No polyps, just one big-a$$ tumor. Late stage-3. I was 50 with no family history, and no symptoms. I chose to have surgery the next day to avoid a second prep. But that was 13 years ago, so alls well that ends well.
I had a Stage 2 which was resolved by surgery. The sooner you know, the better. Your colonoscopy saved your life, and prevented you from dying like Vince Lombardi who died of colon cancer.
Keep getting your follow-up colonoscopies! When I got mine recently and as clean as a whistle, I was as happy as a U.S. Senator who has just been elected to six more years in the world’s most attentive geriatric ward. (See Thurmond, Strom who served until age 100.)
Um, no. I have been through it once, and I vowed never again. I will take my chances. My doctor recommended an alternative, which I can’t remember the name of right now. Basically a fancy stool analysis. Turned out not to be covered by insurance, which was a “Cadillac” plan from hubby’s work. It cost me $600.
There were so many guys at church turning 50 at the same time (and thus all getting colonoscopies) we considered arranging to have them on the same day and scheduling a preparation day together to watch some Die Hard movies while commiserating in our pain.
Be sure that if you serve punch at such an event that it is clearly labelled.
In an interview, Steve Martin and Martin Short said they have “colonoscopy parties” with Tom Hanks and a few other guys. On prep night, they play poker and purge, then a limo picks them up in the morning for the procedure.
That’s just weird. I don’t want to be with anyone else when I’m purging, and I don’t want to be near anyone who’s doing it.
I had my check performed last fall. My doctor asked, “What’s the difference between the scope they put down your throat and the one that goes in your rear? One tastes better than the other!”
My wife had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy on the same day. She made sure to insist that the doctor use different scopes.
My doctor charges extra for two scopes.
My doctor just uploaded a post-procedure report. Talk about disgusting reading. But I took personal pride in the comment, “The quality of the bowel preparation was good.” I could have told you that, Doc.
He also attached several revolting photos. I offered to show them to the wife and kids but for some reason, they demurred.
Many things we do in medicine are of uncertain benefit- but screening colonoscopy is near the top of the list of worthwhile procedures. Refusing it b/c it is unpleasant is beyond foolish. The usual other option is “virtual colonoscopy”-typically reserved for those whose colons are too tortuous for a routine colonoscopy (tortuous as in too many sharp bends- and tortuous for the proceduralist to perform the exam).