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Not a Survivor but a Thriver
When the surgeon first confirmed I had cancer, he told me that it wouldn’t shorten my life; actually, he tried to reassure me with that comment on two or three other occasions. I was surprised that he said that, but in spite of all the advances in breast cancer treatment, I guess the first thing a woman might think is, “Am I going to die”? My reaction was, “This is so darned inconvenient.” Maybe that was a thought of denial on my part, but I still feel the same way.
It is inconvenient.
But I mainly wanted to address a phrase that is commonly used to discuss the condition of a person who comes through cancer: Cancer Survivor. Please know that if you know anyone who describes herself that way, I mean no disrespect. We can all choose to see and describe ourselves in multiple ways, but that’s not a term I would use.
I’ve thought about the use of Cancer Survivor quite a bit, and at first, I didn’t know why it bothered me. I didn’t hate the term, but I just couldn’t identify with it. I guess you could say I haven’t survived it yet, but from all indications, I will.
Some folks probably call themselves a survivor to let people know that you can survive cancer. I just think that conversation can be pursued without the label.
In these modern times where so much progress has been made in treatment, the word survivor seems pretty extreme. Clearly, early detection made a big difference in my prognosis. And I don’t know if I will have to go through radiation and chemo (those results will be reported in a couple of weeks), and I may feel that I really did survive something difficult if I have to go through those treatments. But the cancer itself will be dealt with. And I hope I won’t be one of those people who obsess about whether it will come back or that the second breast will be affected (and the odds are against both but you never know).
Everyone has difficult stuff happen in their lives, and I have been amazingly blessed with very good health. And I know that there are people who do feel as if life is something they survive.
But I’ve never felt that way.
I also don’t want people to get the impression that Cancer Survivor is a primary way that I define myself. Instead, I am a wife, a writer, a teacher, and a good friend (I hope!)
Instead, life is about thriving: Learning. Growing. Helping. Laughing. Celebrating.
I have so many things I love to do. There are things I do that I would like to think make a difference. I feel helpful. I feel useful. Here I am, sharing my thoughts the day after my surgery! Life can tough, but it is rarely a burden. I have too much love around to uplift and inspire me.
And I feel blessed.
*Hat tip to Caryn who helped me flesh out this idea.
Published in Healthcare
Very kind, @susanquinn. Interesting how many of us there are who feel this way. As Manny said, if Rush (please G-d!) pulls through, he’ll deserve the title. I had two little surgeries and was up and about the next day in both cases and back to work the next week having taken off two days each time. I guess growing up as I did, I think of “survivor” along with Holocaust–those were the “survivors” of my youth. They lived through all kinds of hell, many of them for years at a time. A little lump, easily caught, removed, and treated? Nah. As Gary said, it feels like stolen valor.
Kent, omigosh, what a terrible loss. Even after fifty years. I’m so very sorry for that; there is no worse loss than a child. You and Marie are survivors.
I’m so sorry, Kent. My father had prostate cancer, and not too long after he was treated, we learned that for most men, it’s a slowly progressing cancer. He was told he had an aggressive type, so the cancer was treated accordingly. It was a sad time.
What was amazing to me is the way they can tailor the treatment for breast cancer. They know how to test the lymph nodes to see if there’s been incursion of cancer cells, and if there’s not, there’s no radiation needed. And they are also testing to see if I will need chemo, and if I do, they’ll know just what kind of chemo. It is so amazing. This information has been out for over 15 years, and my oncologist was still excited talking about the testing. We live in great times.
Good for you, @onlinepark. You sound like a thriver to me! And thanks for your kind words.
Maybe you have to be in that position, @manny. I liked @caryn‘s comment that survivors come out of devastating situations like concentration camps. For those with breast cancer, we are very likely to survive if it’s caught early. So the toll it takes on us is much less than you would think.
I also said in the post that I didn’t begrudge anyone using the term. It just didn’t speak for me.
I can understand that there are gradations to a label. As Caryn said, removing a small lump caught early is not the same as what Rush is going through right now. Sure, in your humility you don’t feel you deserve any recognition, and I understand that. But what recognition is there really? It’s just a statement of an experience. I wouldn’t think any less of a person who said he/she was a cancer survivor if it were only a small thing. A small thing could easily have turned into something grave. I don’t think you necessarily have to go around saying you’re a cancer survivor, but I don’t think it’s anything one should be uncomfortable about either.
For those who don’t visit my CaringBridge page, I got good news today! The surgeon confirmed just two tumors, and the edges were clean. And so were the lymph nodes! So no follow up treatment needed for them. And it looks like I will get my drain out on Thursday–phew! We just need the results of one more test, and the surgeon is optimistic for good results. Blessings abound.
Very shortly after we were married, while I was still working for the Corps of Engineers, my wife had a lump removed (no mastectomy but going in we understood it was a possibility). I still grin when I remember the friend that temporarily used a different name for her: “tube-in-the boob”.
Glad you’re on the mend and getting good news!
Thanks, @chuck, and for making me smile, too! You haven’t lived unless you’ve been wrapped in saran wrap for a shower, too!
Good news, yes!
Well men DO get breast cancer (I actually had to get a mammography a couple of years ago-is it worse if you’re well endowed in that area?). I have a sister-in-law who had a double mastectomy, a friend at church had two mastectomies and is getting radiated just now, but only on Ricochet could I ever learn about this use for saran wrap.
When my wife had knee surgery two years ago, it was handy that I had bought a couple of rolls of wrapping plastic, maybe 6 inches wide or thereabouts, of the kind that can be used to secure boxes on pallets for shipping, etc. Worked just fine for wrapping her knee for a shower each night.
Particularly appropriate as my wife is looking at knee replacement surgery.
All equally not fun. However, I think a lot depends on the tech. Some are eager to get it right the first time and don’t go easy on the pressure. The newer machines are faster, too, and more sensitive. Once you have had babies, you laugh at lesser pain, anyway.
I’m safe!
Susan, I’m elated! Blessings==>prayer==>blessings. Sounds like no chemo, no radiation; is that correct? Small daily pill for 5+ years?
This is why we need to stay on top of our annual exams….catch things early before the solutions get harder. Great news and great reminders here.
Great news Susan!
That really is great news. I almost envy you your surgery. After 20 weeks of chemo in 2019 and a month of radiation last year I am still not back to full strength – muscle pain, weakness and neuropathy in my hands and feet dog me every day. I think I would have traded those things for one breast. Ah well, must not be ungrateful. I’ve spent my whole life not being a whiny baby but do it a lot lately.
I will confirm after I see the doctor on Thursday, but I think that’s the outcome, including the pill.
Absolutely, @eherring. I’ve no doubt that my timely exam made a huge difference!
We’ve all had a lot to deal with Just, and with those treatments, it must be a very difficult recovery. But we’re here for you!
My dear Susan,
I haven’t been on Ricochet very much in the last year or two, and so completely missed your news of a breast cancer diagnosis. I will have to go back and read all of your posts, but I did want to say that I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer this past spring. Covid delayed my surgery, just long enough to go into a new insurance “year”, meaning I was hit with two substantial deductibles. Ah well….like you I do not use the term “survivor”, though I don’t object to anyone else using it. In my case, because my husband is in such poor health, the biopsies, diagnosis, lumpectomy, radiation – all of it – was a blip on the screen. If it wasn’t for the side effects of the hormone reducing medication I’m on, I wouldn’t think of it very much at all!
We’ve been around each other enough for me to know you are definitely a thriver, @painterjean–especially given all you’ve had to deal with. Hang in there!
What an unbelievable day! In the best possible way!
I had the drain removed, no problem. We found out that the stitches will dissolve on their own from the surgery. They had to wait to put in the request for the mammo-something where they might suggest follow-up chemo. If it’s only a suggestion, I won’t do it, but they may say none required. (I think the surgeon thinks that will be the outcome.) I’ll meet with the oncologist to review those results and get my lifelong pills. I can go for fittings when the pain decreases.
But the best part. I can go back to exercising, starting in moderation. I can take walks. I can shower like a normal person. As the surgeon said, “You can go back to normal life.”
Jerry says he feels like he’s been fired!! But I told him I still intended to keep him as a husband and not a nursemaid.
Can you believe that I had the surgery one week ago today??
So there may be a follow-on report now and then; I go to see the surgeon in three months. But I imagined this all dragging on. And it won’t. Wow.