I HATE Customer Service Phone Trees

 

Okay, I should add a qualifier: I hate customer service phone trees with no option to talk to a real person.

I spent about half-an-hour online (none of the options fit), then on the phone, with FedEx trying to get some information on a recent problem.  The problem?  For the last four FedEx deliveries, the driver left our package on the ground by our mailbox instead of bringing it up to our house.  Our mailbox (as well as our neighbors’) are on the common driveway right off the main road.  It’s also a quarter-mile from the house and not visible.  In other words, packages left by our mailboxes are easy targets for thieves.  FedEx used to bring them to the house, and UPS always has.

I was about to explode when I thought I should look for a local number.  I found one, called the number, and there was the option—press 9 to speak to a representative!  Halleluiah!  The young lady said she couldn’t help me with the problem, but she transferred me to the FedEx mother ship and a real person answered the phone.  This lady listened to my complaint, took down some information, then said they’ll get back to me.  Okay, maybe they won’t, but at least I managed to break though their shield (a shield worthy of a Star Trek battle cruiser).

Just for giggles, I typed “I hate phone tree customer service” into DuckDuckGo and found a ton of info out there about how much people hate phone trees, some humorous such as this.

Okay, that’s my rant, and “Have a nice day!”

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  1. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    The goal should be to get me to a human so I Can get my problem solved. I am calling. If it could be fixed without a person, I’d have done it on their webpage using their usually useless FAQ

    • #61
  2. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    • #62
  3. OldPhil Coolidge
    OldPhil
    @OldPhil

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):
    I can count on one hand the times I was happy with a customer service call of any sort to any big company where I am not talking to someone in the local office. 

    I had one of those times today. Called a cable company about a service change, waited on hold only a few minutes and got a very polite fellow who did what I needed in less than 3 minutes. Then got an email with our new bill in 5 minutes. Amazing!

    • #63
  4. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    OldPhil (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):
    I can count on one hand the times I was happy with a customer service call of any sort to any big company where I am not talking to someone in the local office.

    I had one of those times today. Called a cable company about a service change, waited on hold only a few minutes and got a very polite fellow who did what I needed in less than 3 minutes. Then got an email with our new bill in 5 minutes. Amazing!

    You must have a provider other than Verizon.

    • #64
  5. OldPhil Coolidge
    OldPhil
    @OldPhil

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    OldPhil (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):
    I can count on one hand the times I was happy with a customer service call of any sort to any big company where I am not talking to someone in the local office.

    I had one of those times today. Called a cable company about a service change, waited on hold only a few minutes and got a very polite fellow who did what I needed in less than 3 minutes. Then got an email with our new bill in 5 minutes. Amazing!

    You must have a provider other than Verizon.

    Yeah, it was Spectrum; put our condo’s TV/internet service on a seasonal hold for a few months to save some bucks.

    I called yesterday, but the recording said wait times were “between 27 and 40 minutes.” Called this AM and it said 15, but he picked up in three.

    • #65
  6. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    My only data point is that companies appear to be willing to spend millions of dollars for what my employer offers, which is a technology to hopefully make that smoother. There are certainly easier and cheaper ways to do that if you goal isn’t something beyond just get the customer to go away and not bother you anymore. In truth it is a complex communication problem where the person you are likely to get to in that 40 min is unlikely in the extreme to have the authority to solve your issue. In a certain sense it is bound to fail some if not most of the time. There are certainly some companies that do a lousy job with Customer Satisfaction; however, they at least pay lip service to it and spend money on it, and on trying to improve it. Since it is a problem of human communication and normally problem solving, two things we pay lip service to in the modern world; however, are mal-educating our young people to be able to deal with I suspect the issues around it are going to get worse. Which is good news for my financial and work future I suppose.

    Obviously we need customer service robots in addition to sex robots.  Or would that be redundant?  :-)

    • #66
  7. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Stad (View Comment):

    EODmom (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Do these other services think they are adjuncts to the USPS?

    Actually- both fedex and ups sub out to usps. That’s why the packages end up at the mailbox. USPS Drivers don’t do walkways and porches……

    One thing I discovered was the USPS will say an Amazon package was delivered when in fact it wasn’t. Apparently they get paid for on-time delivery, so they’ll mark something “delieverd on ___” and actually bring it by Monday. However, I don’t mind it so much because the last thing I want is for a package to sit overnight in our mailbox, which is 1/4 mile from the house and not visible.

    The problem I had living in Phoenix was that Amazon stuff was usually delivered by someone other than the usual mail carrier for the area, so they didn’t have the keys to access the group mailboxes.  Which meant they’d leave stuff at my front door, in the open, and not even knock.

    • #67
  8. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):

     

     

    I counter with this:

     

    Pearls Before Swine

    • #68
  9. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):
    Don’t get me started on cable.

     

    • #69
  10. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    • #70
  11. Southern Pessimist Member
    Southern Pessimist
    @SouthernPessimist

    DrewInEastHillQuarantineZone (View Comment):

    I haven’t checked it out lately, but there’s this site called “Get Human” (https://gethuman.com) that is a running database of the numbers you need to call or the procedures to follow to get to a human being ASAP.

    Well that, if it works, more than pays for my Ricochet membership.

     

    • #71
  12. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about. 

    • #72
  13. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about.

    I’m the same way, and I often find that I already know more about whatever it is, than the person I’m talking to, so I have to ask to be directed to a supervisor, or “escalated” to “tier 2” support or whatever they call it.  But they don’t find that out until they talk to us.  Meanwhile all those people who don’t even bother to read the instructions etc, think they should be able to talk to a person immediately too.

    • #73
  14. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about.

    I’m the same way, and I often find that I already know more about whatever it is, than the person I’m talking to, so I have to ask to be directed to a supervisor, or “escalated” to “tier 2” support or whatever they call it. But they don’t find that out until they talk to us. Meanwhile all those people who don’t even bother to read the instructions etc, think they should be able to talk to a person immediately too.

    Companies should have more people to answer the phone. 

    • #74
  15. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about.

    I’m the same way, and I often find that I already know more about whatever it is, than the person I’m talking to, so I have to ask to be directed to a supervisor, or “escalated” to “tier 2” support or whatever they call it. But they don’t find that out until they talk to us. Meanwhile all those people who don’t even bother to read the instructions etc, think they should be able to talk to a person immediately too.

    Companies should have more people to answer the phone.

    Not enough people available, there’s a big demand for social workers solving crimes.

    • #75
  16. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about.

    I’m the same way, and I often find that I already know more about whatever it is, than the person I’m talking to, so I have to ask to be directed to a supervisor, or “escalated” to “tier 2” support or whatever they call it. But they don’t find that out until they talk to us. Meanwhile all those people who don’t even bother to read the instructions etc, think they should be able to talk to a person immediately too.

    Companies should have more people to answer the phone.

    Not enough people available, there’s a big demand for social workers solving crimes.

    Would be if they paid more. 

    That would cut into company profits though. They don’t do it because they don’t have too because so many of these places are monopolies

    • #76
  17. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Raxxalan (View Comment):
    Well run call centers and well designed phone trees are trying to get you to the person who we’ll be most successful at solving your problem the quickest.

    So true. The only wrinkle is when the problem doesn’t fit the phone-tree logic, and there’s no option to go straight to a human.

    Which is actually normally the case. The most effective phone trees are often the shortest. Problem is most companies who make phone systems tout the complexity of the phone tree as a selling point. Also there is the allure of using the additional upfront information to make the actual interaction smoother, in my experience it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep people from engaging in magical thinking.

    If I wanted to try a canned fix, I’d do it online. If I am calling, the canned fixed did not work or did not exist. I call because I need a human being to help me. I never call to talk to a computer.

    There is no phone tree on the face of this Earth that will help me. I don’t need menus. I need a person. The whole “press 3” for this person does not usually help. Just get me to a person who can use their brain to sort me. Spend those millions of dollars on salaries of people, who can speak English well, to help me.

    Many of us are good about that, but the reality is that companies get calls all day long from people who don’t even look at the instructions, etc.

    It should be obvious in the first 5 min that I know what I am talking about.

    I’m the same way, and I often find that I already know more about whatever it is, than the person I’m talking to, so I have to ask to be directed to a supervisor, or “escalated” to “tier 2” support or whatever they call it. But they don’t find that out until they talk to us. Meanwhile all those people who don’t even bother to read the instructions etc, think they should be able to talk to a person immediately too.

    Companies should have more people to answer the phone.

    Not enough people available, there’s a big demand for social workers solving crimes.

    Would be if they paid more.

    That would cut into company profits though. They don’t do it because they don’t have too because so many of these places are monopolies

    That’s certainly true in some cases.  When I lived in Phoenix, US West/Qwest/Century Link was fined by the state utilities commission for deliberately setting up their “customer service” system to make people go away.

    • #77
  18. Juliana Member
    Juliana
    @Juliana

    colleenb (View Comment):

    OldPhil (View Comment):

    Because people are talking about deliveries and such, I want to ask if folks (that’s my “Obama-speak”) are having trouble with packages shipped by USPS. Here in Virginia, we sent two packages on the 14th and 16th of December, both to addresses less than 70 miles away, and they still haven’t been delivered. We also should have gotten one that was mailed to us about the same time, but nuttin’ honey.

    I’ve been tracking the two we sent, and they went to the USPS black hole in Merrifield around the 20th and have not re-appeared. I stopped at our little one-person PO last Thursday, and very nice postmistress said they were told the “backlog” would be cleared up at the end of this week. So it’s been 21 days for the first one, 19 for the second. I’ve heard a few similar stories locally, but was wondering if this is a wider issue.

    (@Stad , sorry for hijacking your phone-tree thread)

    I was beginning to think I was the only one. Merrifield apparently has all the January Magnificats (Dominican monthly prayer book) in northern Virginia along with my Netflix dvds and various Christmas packages. I assume 3/4s of their personnel have COVID or “are working from home” (which is hard to do when you’re delivering mail) !?!

    So that’s where my Magnificat is.

    • #78
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