In 2021, Stop Complaining

 

It’s become a sport online, complaining about the year 2020. Yeah, it hasn’t been easy for anyone. But there’s a subsection of folks who haven’t really had a hard year, but who spend the bulk of their time complaining about it. They don’t know anyone close to them who have gotten sick or died (of anything), they haven’t lost any income; their lives are largely unaffected outside of missed vacations. And yet, 2020 has been the worst year of their lives, and they do nothing but tell you about it on the Internet.

And here we are in the dead of winter in December and they’re miserable. And I believe they are because they’ve psyched themselves into that misery over the course of the last nine months. They’ve told themselves they’re miserable so much, they’ve started to internalize that narrative.

Compare this behavior with the folks I know who have actually lost income or loved ones, and who are resiliently working through the challenges 2020 has thrown them. How often do you see folks like this wallowing in their misery, constantly posting memes about 2020? Very infrequently.

That’s for a reason. Resilient people don’t spend their time obsessing about the curveballs life has thrown them, they focus on overcoming them. And so, if this year hasn’t brought severe and tragic disruption to your life and yet managed to be the worst year of your life, focus on the fact that your life up until this point has been truly blessed, and in 2021, the sky is the limit on the return of normalcy. My advice to anyone going through trauma of any kind applies to 2020: Fake it until you make it. Your mind is the most powerful weapon you own; don’t turn it against yourself.

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  1. MDHahn Coolidge
    MDHahn
    @MDHahn

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    SkipSul (View Comment): So again I ask, how do you propose to fight? And what do you hope to accomplish? Are you out to persuade others and find commonalities with them, or are you out to somehow seek total victory?

    Ideally, I’d take option one (fighting). But since option one is unattainable these days, and since all the things that support option one are bleepity-bleep impossible to find — which was the point of my original comment — I’ve settled for option two (fightin’ — i.e., griping online). Having gone so far down that road, I’m not sure I can turn back.

    But this still leaves the question unanswered. For what are you fighting? What does victory look like? 

    • #61
  2. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Many of the doctors and nurses in my life are acting like they’re race horses that must be protected and coddled at all costs. My husband’s doctor hasn’t been to the office since March and does everything via FaceTime as he’s 60 (younger than JY, who has gone to work every day) I think telehealth is marvelous, but seeing JY trying to show the doc his range of motion on his new knee would have been hilarious under different circumstances

    I’ve got a doc appt coming up and filled out all the paperwork as usual and returned it via email. Doc called via FaceTime – asked me all the questions that I’d already answered and charged me a $95 co pay for the 7 minute convo.

    I was listening to Alex Berenson on Rogan yesterday and he spoke of a treatment that would have potentially put healthcare workers at risk – so it was rejected in favor of ventilators, which killed many. (I need to go back and relisten)

    I am beyond disgusted with many and am grateful I enjoy good health, which makes the “healthcare system” a small part of my life.

    My “office-visit” copayment is only $45, but I’m not interested in paying that when they can’t even check my blood pressure and pulse.  So I say that I’m not set up for video stuff – which is technically accurate, I’d have to get a USB extension for my webcam, but mostly I just don’t want to – and I just get my prescriptions refilled.  If at some point they re-open their office, then I’ll deal with the fact that I’m not even in Arizona any more, but for now that isn’t an issue.

    • #62
  3. Joseph Stanko Coolidge
    Joseph Stanko
    @JosephStanko

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    • #63
  4. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Bethany Mandel: My advice to anyone going through trauma of any kind applies to 2020: Fake it until you make it.

    Actually, my complaining is faking it in a sense.

    My wife and I are (so far, fingers crossed) comfortably off in retirement.  We’re able to give a leg up for our children, and will soon be looking at steps to start a fund for our grandson’s post-high school education.  However, I complain about the way things are going in general in this country because people are hurting, and the forces of leftism are taking advantage of the overall misery to further their agenda.  Unless a rabbit gets pulled out of a hat, Biden will get into office and all Hell is going to break loose, especially if the Dems get the Senate.

    Complaining may be all we have left after the Georgia election . . .

    • #64
  5. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    • #65
  6. Joseph Stanko Coolidge
    Joseph Stanko
    @JosephStanko

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    To eat bacon.

    • #66
  7. DrewInEastHillAutonomousZone Member
    DrewInEastHillAutonomousZone
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    To eat bacon.

    This Right Here GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

    • #67
  8. Cat III, the One that Sparked This Member
    Cat III, the One that Sparked This
    @CatIII

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Brian Watt (View Comment):
    Complain, complain, complain…those restauranteurs…always complaining. And don’t even get me started on all the small business owners that went out of business. They all just need to lighten up and be happier…apparently.

    Hmm, I reread Bethany’s post and don’t see where she says nobody has a right to complain.

    Bethany Mandel: But there’s a subsection of folks who haven’t really had a hard year, but who spend the bulk of their time complaining about it. They don’t know anyone close to them who have gotten sick or died (of anything), they haven’t lost any income; their lives are largely unaffected outside of missed vacations. And yet, 2020 has been the worst year of their lives, and they do nothing but tell you about it on the Internet.

    She’s clearly talking about people who haven’t really been harmed but want to put themselves in the spotlight.

    Do you really expect people to read all the way to the third sentence of a post?

    I made clear my stance on complaining, but it’s really something to see people pounce on Bethany Mandel, the OG Granny killer, for not knowing or caring about the devastating effects of lockdown.

    • #68
  9. Cat III, the One that Sparked This Member
    Cat III, the One that Sparked This
    @CatIII

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    To eat bacon.

    Is that how rabbis convince their followers to remain kosher? No pork in this lifetime, but once you die, you’re in for an eternity of bacon.

    .

    Eternity of Bacon sounds like an indie rock band I’d hate.

    • #69
  10. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Cat III, the One that Sparked … (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    To eat bacon.

    Is that how rabbis convince their followers to remain kosher? No pork in this lifetime, but once you die, you’re in for an eternity of bacon.

    .

    Eternity of Bacon sounds like an indie rock band I’d hate.

    Or maybe a vegan’s version of hell?

    • #70
  11. SkipSul Inactive
    SkipSul
    @skipsul

    Cat III, the One that Sparked … (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    It’s right there in the Apostle’s Creed:

    I believe in…
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

    We believe that not only will our unique immortal souls live forever, but even our bodies will be raised from the grave and reunited with our souls.

    Why would you need your body if your soul is in heaven or whatever?

    To eat bacon.

    Is that how rabbis convince their followers to remain kosher? No pork in this lifetime, but once you die, you’re in for an eternity of bacon.

    .

    Eternity of Bacon sounds like an indie rock band I’d hate.

    Hipster prog rock tribute band.

    • #71
  12. Stina Member
    Stina
    @CM

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    To love God is to love thy neighbor, and to love thy neighbor is not to virtue-signal at thy neighbor on social media, but rather to build a Christian community with him. We’re not allowed to do this. So what use is Christianity, then?

    It was specifically directed at Skip’s reference to martyrs not holding on to false hope. He made it sound like they weren’t hoping for anything.

    And I agree with you, that there are human needs that God has given his blessing to satisfy on this earth, primarily being human relationship. Where the world interferes in those, we suffer. And we have a need for those relationships to comfort us and encourage us through our time on earth. And these relationships are not transient.

    But even so, where we lack, he sustains. And sure, easier said than done. But the only thing we can cling to in worldly deprivation and suffering is that Christ promises more to us at the end of this suffering. That our suffering is not in vain, and that we will find a place in his eternal kingdom when we breathe our last.

    That’s what sustains the martyrs.

    I’m not going to claim to have mastered such zen. I’ve only managed to find peace in whatever the future holds while still being presently comfortable. If I suffer presently, and maintain such hope, we can have a different conversation if you can find me.

    • #72
  13. Stina Member
    Stina
    @CM

    SkipSul (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    I wish more Christians would consider how “put your hope in Christ” sounds to the average ear:

    A lot of what is often called “Christian-ese” is schmalzy and tinny, even to other Christians, because so many have reduced Christianity down to either a “Get out of Hell Free” card, or even “All good* people go to heaven” free pass. It is nothing of the sort.

    *”Good” = “generally nice” in this context.


    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You may never accomplish anything. Your life might amount to nothing. You’ll never know what it’s like to love or be loved, to raise a family, to build something and then pass it on to a new generation. But cheer up! At the end of it all, if you’ve maintained the requisite chipper attitude and recited the requisite prayers, you can get stoned with Jesus! You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    You honestly think this is Christianity? Sounds more like Buddhism. Or least a watered down caricature of an already watered down therapeutic deism.

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    The goods of this world — the real goods of this world, not the false ones — are solid, immediate, and active.

    And will still turn to dust and be forgotten in time. How many generations back can you point to your family? What can you point of theirs that truly endured? My family history ends in some forgotten Irish subsistence farm, or a bog in Finland. Nothing you can put your hands on will endure.

    That’s a very Protestant view of history and generational inheritance.

    • #73
  14. Stina Member
    Stina
    @CM

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    What do I want? I want Christians — and non-Christians, too — to fight for their culture and norms, and not to roll over, like Stoics, and let the waves of wokeness and lockdowns and mask love wash over them.

    Well you can’t really accuse me of that, now can you?

    • #74
  15. Stina Member
    Stina
    @CM

    MDHahn (View Comment):
    But what should we fight for? Another central part of Christianity is that Jesus refused an earthly kingdom. We are called to live according to just laws. That does not mean that we should violate our faith, but that also does not mean that we should impose our particular views through government force. Instead, we should live out the Commandments and act as examples to others. We lead by example, not by fighting.

    The struggle that K hints at, I think, is where I’d love of neighbor if your inaction leads to their suffering? Just how have you loved a neighbor if you stand by while a bully beats on him?

    There is some need for action, the frustration is what action and what is right action? Maybe the right thing to do is to put yourself between the bully’s  fists and your neighbor and not lift a hand to defend yourself?

    There’s the sometimes contradiction that we are at once called to witness to those who suffer AND witness to our enemies. And sometimes witness is better facilitated by easing earthly suffering in some way. And the martyrs witnessed to their enemies by dying with forgiveness on their lips. How many prison guards through history have found salvation through the patient suffering of an innocent prisoner?

    The revolutionaries found love of neighbor in securing their freedom from a tyrannical government. The question has been asked and answered in many ways through history. This is just one more iteration.

    • #75
  16. SkipSul Inactive
    SkipSul
    @skipsul

    Stina (View Comment):

    SkipSul (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    I wish more Christians would consider how “put your hope in Christ” sounds to the average ear:

    A lot of what is often called “Christian-ese” is schmalzy and tinny, even to other Christians, because so many have reduced Christianity down to either a “Get out of Hell Free” card, or even “All good* people go to heaven” free pass. It is nothing of the sort.

    *”Good” = “generally nice” in this context.


    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    You may never accomplish anything. Your life might amount to nothing. You’ll never know what it’s like to love or be loved, to raise a family, to build something and then pass it on to a new generation. But cheer up! At the end of it all, if you’ve maintained the requisite chipper attitude and recited the requisite prayers, you can get stoned with Jesus! You, too, can melt into the all-encompassing world-mind of perfect perfection and have your individuality melt away!

    You honestly think this is Christianity? Sounds more like Buddhism. Or least a watered down caricature of an already watered down therapeutic deism.

    Kephalithos (View Comment):
    The goods of this world — the real goods of this world, not the false ones — are solid, immediate, and active.

    And will still turn to dust and be forgotten in time. How many generations back can you point to your family? What can you point of theirs that truly endured? My family history ends in some forgotten Irish subsistence farm, or a bog in Finland. Nothing you can put your hands on will endure.

    That’s a very Protestant view of history and generational inheritance.

    No, I am pointing out that purely material achievements are perishable.

    • #76
  17. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Stina (View Comment):
    How many prison guards through history have found salvation through the patient suffering of an innocent prisoner?

    It seems to happen in movies occasionally, but probably not so much in real life.

    • #77
  18. Stina Member
    Stina
    @CM

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Stina (View Comment):
    How many prison guards through history have found salvation through the patient suffering of an innocent prisoner?

    It seems to happen in movies occasionally, but probably not so much in real life.

    There’s a good number of witness accounts if you go looking for them.

    • #78
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