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“Whose bloody idea was it to add this moron to my team?” I shouted in anger.
Well, the Boss stuck his head outside of the office, pointed his finger at me, and said, “You. My office. Now.”
I knew I was in for it. The Boss had already gone back into his office, so I rolled my eyes and followed him in. The Boss’ office is quite spacious, and I decided to just pace in front of his desk.
“Go ahead,” I said.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” the Boss asked.
“I sit all day long,” I objected. “It’s nice to be on my feet for a few minutes.”
“Suit yourself,” he said. “Would you like to, perhaps, rephrase the question you had out there a bit more respectfully?”
I sighed, “We were doing fine. We don’t need the new guy on the team.”
“That’s not a question,” the Boss sat down behind his desk and put his feet up.
“Fine, why did you saddle us with the new guy?”
The Boss smiled, “Your team wasn’t meeting its numbers.”
“We most certainly were. We were at 100% of goal,” I objected.
The Boss waggled a hand, “Eh, you were slowing down. You were getting them all, but your team was getting slower and slower about it. The average capture time had gone up by a factor of three, and I could see that in the future it might get to four or five times the original capture time.”
“There are many more to capture these days,” I said sulkily.
“Of course there are,” the Boss agreed, “because they have been living free for longer and breeding more before your team captured them. That’s why I gave your team some help.”
“But,” I shook my head, “you have no idea what this new guy gets up to. The things that he gets them to do. It’s just unseemly.”
“Do you think I’m not watching?” He asked as he gestured towards the windows of his office. “Do you think I don’t know exactly what goes on? The new guy gets the job done.”
“I suppose,” I looked out his office window onto the vast expanse of the world. “But it just isn’t as classy. Besides, our team has been known as the same thing for thousands of years. Having the new guy spoils that.”
The Boss chuckled, “You’ll just have to get used to your new name. I need those length until capture numbers back down.”
“Yes, sir,” I nodded and left the office.
“Come on, Stupidity,” I said as I passed the new guy on the way outside, “We need to get to work.”
“Oh, goody,” he gabbled as he followed me out to where the other three members of my team waited.
I mounted my white horse as Stupidity mounted his piebald mount. I shook my head in disgust. Couldn’t he at least ride a horse? Or if his mount had to be bovine, why not a bull? No, he mounted his piebald heifer.
“Alright, Five Horseme…” I was interrupted by a cleared throat.
I rolled my eyes and corrected myself, “Alright, Five Mounted Men of the Apocalypse, let’s ride.”Published in