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An Honorable Charge
In one of my favorite films, “The Two Towers”, we’re introduced to a brave maiden warrior from the kingdom of Rohan, Eowyn. Her striking beauty and fierce determination is compared to the cold of “a morning in pale spring that is not yet come to womanhood”. Eowyn wants much more than her provincial life and is convinced that saddling a horse and drawing a sword will provide that.
Sadly, she lives in a time and age where the men were sent to fight (and die) and women were left to mind the house – cue sad faces.
Her angst peaks when her countrymen (and boys and elderly) are preparing for a very uneven battle against 10,000 chemically engineered Urk-hai, whose sole purpose is “to destroy the world of men.” (Uuuum, could they be any more misogynistic?)
She rushes to the future king and first love of my life – Lord Aragorn.
“Aragorn! I’m to be sent with the women into the caves!”
He tenderly responds,
“That is an honorable charge.”
Mmmm…not so much.
“To mind the children?!” she claps back, “to find food and bedding when the men return. What renown is there in that?”
After a bit more dialogue the scene ends with her storming off in an adolescent-fashioned fit, partially because of her feelings for Sir Sexy Hair.
Don’t get me wrong, her character was fantastic to the story. Her arc of sneaking into battle with her compatriots and new little best friend climaxed with an exhilarating fight against the most impossible of foes, a Witch-King of Angmarnazgul. When Eowyn injures him, the Witch-King arrogantly declares, “No man can defeat me.”
She throws her helmet to the ground and delivers the fantastic rebuttal, “I am no man!”
WOOOOOO!!! Love it!
This is immediately followed by the sob filled goodbye scene with her uncle; one my family has vowed to recreate for my father on his deathbed, we even have the fake horse. (You think I’m kidding.)
Now, 19-year-old AJ loved this character; I related to her grit, passion, and aversion to all things girly. But 30-year-old AJ found her to be…irritating. Why, you ask. What is wrong with her following the desires of her heart? Why can’t she serve and fight alongside men doing what she is good at?
The issue I have is twofold:
1) There is honor in those things, the very things she had such disdain for. King Dimple Chin was spot on when he said, “That is an honorable charge”. Keep in mind following this scene she was tasked to lead the weakest and most vulnerable into the caves, as an enormous, bloodthirsty army was marching their way to destroy them. That cave needed strong leaders; strong women to organize, comfort, calm and direct during horrific times. This is an honorable charge.
And staying “with the women” is important; women need each other. Science is discovering that women reap the health benefits from friendships with other women; lower blood pressure, lower rates of heart disease and longer life expectancies than men, to name a few.
“Women are much more social in the way they cope with stress”, says social neuroscientist and author, Shelley E. Taylor. Taylor conducted a study at UCLA and found that women have a more tend and befriend psychological response than the well-known fight or flight. We naturally look “to protect the self and offspring [to] promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process.”
Simply put; women are wired to care for and support one another, it’s what we do and we’re great at it.
If staying with the women is important, then “mind[ing] the children” is vital. New research from Washington University School of Medicine found that when preschool-age children have loving and supportive mothers, they experience greater growth in the hippocampus (the part of the brain central to learning, memory and emotional regulation) than those without.
Eowyn seems to think her talents, strength, and courage are wasted if she is not allowed to fight. I disagree. I see these as traits in the most formidable protector of children and the home; the place where the most important work takes place. Imagine the amazing mother Eowyn would make!? Now just imagine if every child was raised by a mother like this, what a world we would have!
“To find food and bedding when the men return.” Now surely that is the kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck life that typifies patriarchal servitude…or is it?
Modern society tends to view stay-at-home moms as poor unfortunate souls whose life lacks fulfillment and happiness, but studies are finding otherwise. Economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers found that between 1970 and 2005 (when the number of working moms nearly doubled) female happiness had declined. They “discovered that American women rated their overall life satisfaction higher than men in the 1970s. Thereafter, women’s happiness scores decreased while men’s scores stayed roughly stable. By the 1990s, women were less happy than men.”
Coincidence?
When I was expecting my first child the question was always, “When will you be returning to work?” Not once was it assumed that I would leave my job to stay home with my baby. I wasn’t offended. Once a co-worker (who was prone to unpleasantness) learned about my plans to be a stay-at-home-mom and sneered, “What are you gonna do, make your husband’s lunch?” I laughed and changed the subject, but if I could go back I would respond with a simple answer; yes. Yes, I will make my husband’s lunch, and breakfast, and dinner. His job was extremely stressful and time-consuming, and if I could create a home where he could lay aside his burdens and relax with his family, that was important to me, because he is important to me. And in creating such a home through selfless service, I found joy.
2) My second issue comes with Eowyn’s next line, where she sums up exactly why she is so upset about the aforementioned tasks;
“What renown is there in that?”
Meaning, where is the fame, the glory, the confetti-filled balloons complete with medals of honor? Why do we do – what we do? For recognition, renown…
Mmmaybe. Or is it simply to make the world a better place. One motive is self-serving and juvenile, the other truly honorable.
After her sincere plea, Scruffy-Face Strider offers some words of wisdom;
“My lady, a time will come for valor without renown.”
Motherhood is the definition of “valor without renown”, but you know what else is? Almost every situation, of practically every human being, who has ever walked this earth. Most everything we do in life happens without acknowledgment, and that is ok. I’ve noticed when people seek renown and are so eager to prove themselves to others, no matter how dignified the task, they are masking insecurity, for he who knows his true worth has nothing to prove.
And finally, the Rustic Ranger from the North poses this question;
“Who then will your people look to in the last defense?”
Meaning, when the men have fought and died, the king is gone, you, the heir to the throne, is where your people will turn for rescue.
Mothers, we are the last defense. Our families, communities, and society are struggling. The bedrock of our civilization is collapsing and we have a divine charge to protect it; protect our families and our homes in a way that only women can. Indeed mothers are the last defense because we are the first defense.
WHAT CAN YOU DO
-Register to vote now and pay attention to local elections.
-Vote for candidates and propositions that reflect what is best for families.
-Run in your local election–don’t be intimidated! You have something to offer.
–Focus on the Family has a wealth of information on families and women.
–American Family Association also has great information, including a voting guide.
-The Relief Society is an educational and philanthropic organization for women in conjunction with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
–Moms for America is a movement created by, and benefiting mothers, including a voting guide.
-Pray for our country, especially the women of this country.
CROSSPOST HERE. https://goanddo1.wixsite.com/mysite/post/an-honorable-charge
I’ll never understand the ladies. Did you really find Viggo’s scraggly hair and beard to be sexy? I thought that he looked pretty bad — I mean, bad for Viggo — and that was the point. He was Strider the Ranger, and was supposed to look bedraggled.
I thought that he looked really good as the King, with properly trimmed hair and beard.
I have to confess that I was disappointed with the portrayal of Faramir in the movies, both in terms of casting and characterization. The actor (I don’t recall his name) did an OK job, but was just not handsome enough to carry off the role. Faramir was supposed to be seriously dashing. Someone like Jake Gyllenhaal or Nicolaj Coster-Waldau (Jamie in Game of Thronse) would have been a good choice.
The worst part of the Faramir story was his failure when initially tempted by the Ring. This did not happen in the books. Like Aragorn, Faramir was immediately able to resist the temptation.
It was also disappointing that Jackson cut out the romance between Faramir and Eowyn, which didn’t even show up in the extended cut. It was a terrific part of the story, as detailed by She in #5 above.
I have a confession. When I read LotR as a kid, I did not want to be Aragorn, or Frodo, or even Eomer. I wanted to be Faramir.
And then there’s courageous women of another sort:
While I can’t comment on any of the titles herein, I will note that he gets perhaps more names than anyone else.
Aragorn
Strider
Elessar
Elfstone
Telcontar
Estil
There are more. Eomer named him Wingfoot at their meeting.
An ‘ordinary’ life, well-lived in accord with our given vocation, is extraordinary.
I see Mary, the Mother of God, who said “Yes” to her given vocation, as the perfect human model of that.
Well, I too read the books – many, many times – before the movie so I had Aragon pretty built up. Jackson initially hired another actor to play Aragorn but canned him after a few days of shooting because the guy was too young and not “weathered” enough for the role (as one would expect of a Ranger) – enter Viggio. Who, even with scraggly hair, fit the bill nicely. Yes, he looked a bit rough at times, but you can see the diamond underneath. And apart from the character’s physical appearance, you know that he is the upstanding guy – and that is a whole other sexy!
Thank you @henryracette! I like the way you phrased it, “inherent nobility of traditional roles.”
Wonderful post.
I’m reminded of the Band of Brothers episode that covers the 101st Airborne at Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge. The episode focuses on Easy Company medic Eugene Rowe and his struggles to care for the wounded with limited supplies in freezing weather conditions. In a makeshift hospital in Bastogne in the basement of a church, with conditions even more appalling than those at the front line, he meets a French nurse who is also making the best of a terrible situation. As the episode progresses, “Doc” Rowe becomes increasingly despondent and is on the verge of a breakdown, but manages to hold it together with the support of the nurse and in light of her rock solid example. I’ve always kept this in mind as an example of woman at her best.
It wouldn’t be worth working that hard if you didn’t care about him enough to make him lunch, and breakfast, and dinner. It’s complementary.
Right??
I’ve watched my son in law (man, there’s a story) step up and become a fantastic husband and father. And son in law.
And son #3 (child #4) do the same when he married at only 23.
Now. If there was only something I could do about son #1 and son #2 …
I have to admit to a big shift in my own thinking on this topic.
I got married at 28, as did my mother. All my brothers and sisters got married at a minimum of 28; one sister was 32.
Only one marriage failed; we thought we had the secret sauce.
But … times have changed. Or I was wrong. Or both. The 20s have too much opportunity for disaster. Add to that the longer you live alone, the harder it is to live with someone else.
I watched my daughter have her children in her 20s. I had mine in my 30s. Big, big difference.
So I’m now supportive about young marriages. Much to the ire of a sister …
Maybe, maybe not.
Not every woman who has shown skill and valor in a non-maternal role will make a great mom. For example, I do not. I am, in fact, a stay-at-home mom right now, medically retired from work outside the home during my childbearing years. I’m on track to reproduce at above-replacement rate. But that doesn’t make me a good mom.
I aspire to mediocrity as a mom. Not because I could easily do better and selfishly choose not to, but because that seems to be the best I can do right now. Even a simple, supposedly instinctive thing like infant-directed speech proved so difficult for me to learn that my eldest developed a severe speech delay. I’m aware many people find infant-directed speech instinctive. For whatever reason, I did not, and now my child pays the price.
Not all of us find it’s what we naturally do. Not all of us are great at it. But if we want to encourage more women to be OK with stay-at-home motherhood, we should also accept that some of them will be less than awesome at it. After all, if the only OK stay-at-home mom is an awesome stay-at-home mom, why should those who fear (sometimes with good reason) they won’t be awesome even try?
The only time I’ve ever fond Viggo Whatshisname sexy was as Aragorn :-) He’s sort of funny looking otherwise. I still preferred Sean Bean anyway.
Getting back to the point of the main post, I don’t disagree with any of it but I suppose the problem is, creating a home and being a care giver etc just doesn’t make for very exciting stories.
When I was a little girl I was obsessed with The Famous Five and in particular with George. She was my role model to the point that for a while I insisted on being called the male version of my name and telling strangers I was a boy. (Luckily this was in the 80’s and nobody tried to give me puberty blocking drugs to aid my transition.) As much as I identified with George, I despised Anne, the one who hoped at the beginning of every book that they would have no adventures and if things looked like they might get a bit lively she would offer to make the others some sandwiches and stay home herself.
As a child it mattered not one bit to me that the others greatly appreciated Anne for her contribution and regularly praised her cooking and housekeeping abilities. It still seemed worth a lot less than George’s ability to swim and ride and row and be as brave as any boy. I still don’t know how Anne’s way could have been presented to me as more desirable than George’s way.
I welcome the compliment @joelb.
Is that a thing now ?
I ask because my daughter is a young mother and I find myself spending a lot of time with young mothers
The attitude I find most prevalent is a desire to be the world’s “most okay” mom. I’ve never noticed an attitude that one must be “awesome”. I’ve never even heard any of them criticize another mother about her mothering behind their back
Bushwa!
My mother never knew how to speak to babies. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you.” The result was that we learned to speak real language at an earlier age than our cousins.
I’m going to need a lot better evidence than that to conclude you’re a less than stellar mother.
@midge Even the best parents owe much to the grace of God. Give it your best attempt and enjoy the kids when you can.
Good point. Although creating a home and motherhood can change the world it does tend to be a long term project rarely conducive to the exciting stories we usually want to read and see. But then other projects that make the world better often take a long time and are not suitable for exciting stories. As a boy who lacked natural physical strength and coordination, I sometimes had trouble relating to the daring-do heroes of popular stories.
There are no magic formulas. It takes two very stubborn and dedicated people to make a marriage work.
Because of our religious beliefs, we are all in favor of sex, but only within a holy relationship. So our kids get married young, as we did. #2 who tied the knot a mere two weeks ago, is 21, but was seriously looking for two years before he found her.
At no job interview does the employer ask for APGAR scores or when the child learned to crawl or was potty-trained.
Being a great mother means loving your child. And you clearly do. If you do your best with all your heart, then you will be a FANTASTIC mother. Because it does not matter if your mother can juggle four million things at once: what really matters is whether your mother loves you, believes in what you can be and do, and pushes you to be a better person.
And I have no doubt whatsoever that you are all those things to your children.
I’d never heard of “infant directed speech” till just now. Any sort of baby talk, or talking down to the young (which I think is what it must be) was forbidden in my birth family, and my nuclear married family didn’t go for it either. Jenny did teach our very young granddaughter some simple sign language, though. That was fun, and interesting to watch. Although our granddaughter didn’t have any sort of speech delay, I think I’d recommend that to any parent looking for ways to engage on the language front.
Kids just develop at different rates. The grandson of a friend I have lunch with sometimes used to bring him with her when she was in her “nanny granny” phase. He said only enough to get by until he was about six. Now he’s eight, and won’t be shut up.
(Reminds me of the story of the little boy who never spoke, and never spoke, and never spoke, until one day his mother served him lunch, and he threw it across the table, shouting, “This tastes like <expletive>!!” The mother was overjoyed to hear his voice, and responded, “You can speak! But why haven’t you said anything before?” And he shrugged his shoulders and said “Everything tasted fine until today.”)
And many geniuses (geniusi?) are/were late talkers. Very smart people sometimes wait until they have something important to say.
Parenting may be the most important thing any of us ever do, which also makes it the hardest thing we ever do. I have good kids, but they’re having trouble flourishing due to health problems. If I allowed myself to wallow in regret, I’d be paralyzed. So, I try to be grateful for the positives and carry on. And I pray a lot for increased trust in God and His plan. It’s not all up to me.
It definitely is in some circles.
For example, it can be among professionally-trained women. You passed up an outside profession to stay at home? Well, then, you’d better be killing with mad stay-at-home mom skillz to make up the difference.
It’s also definitely a thing in conservative circles. Not because conservatives as a whole put the same pressure on women to “make up for not being awesome outside the home”, but because TradCon peppiness about the natural awesomeness of women as mothers puts tremendous pressure on women — especially younger women — to pretend to endorse that supposedly natural awesomeness even when they themselves lack it, lest they be branded traitors to sexual complementarity.
Women who grow into their conservative politics later in life in some ways are lucky, since they got a reprieve from that peppiness when they were younger and lower down on the mommy pecking order.
Many conservatives see right through to the problems with showering girls and young women with “you go girl!” peppiness over female ambitions outside the home. They are less good at seeing through to the problems with peppily “you go girl”-ing younger females about their homemaking.
Crushing new-mom guilt doesn’t feel like “wallow[ing] in regret”, though. It feels like being absolutely terrified to put even one more foot wrong, which is a lot less relaxing than wallowing. And, it feels like something you can’t admit without being judged, at least by conservatives, as a raging narcissist, because if you do admit it, you’re…
… wallowing.
It does create pressure to maintain the facade of happy, shiny, peppy awesome mommy, even when you’re not.
I never “wallow in regret.” Sometimes, to be clear, I do “wallow.” And slobber. And cry. But not in regret. Because it’s really pointless, isn’t it?
I see your point.
hang in there and choose your circle wisely
@annefy, it made my day to hear you say this. Like tears-of-gratitude made my day. Thank you!
There’s stuff we haven’t seen eye-t0-eye on in the past, maybe never will. But as sappy as it sounds for me to say “I feel heard,” as if being heard should even matter to someone with grown-up responsibilities, well, I do — I feel heard :-)
I agree @rushbabe49 that motherhood has, at best, taken a backseat for many women. But it can be the most fulfilling and noblest endeavor a woman can ever take on.
Spoken like a true gentleman @garymcvey, thank you.
Thank you @annefy, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I completely agree with you, on the importance of women and men!