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Belated Fathers Day Post
@arahant put up a post about… erm… “inappropriate” jokes last Friday. When I asked when we would see a Dad Jokes post, he suggested that since these things work best on Friday afternoons that I should do that this week. We really should have been celebrating these last Sunday.
I honestly never heard of Dad Jokes until someone started putting that moniker on them around 10-15 years ago. We used to just refer to them as “corny” – a term that apparently originated in those states that have vast swaths of said grain growing. To me, they’ve always been jokes that are intended to make the person hearing it want to smack their own forehead.
So, to get started:
You know when you see a flock of geese flying South for the Winter? You know how they always fly in a “V”? Have you ever wondered why one side of the V is longer than the other?
More geese.
Published in Humor
@olddanrhody, your immediate presence is requested.
Oh come on folks!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish
Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe
This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.
I wondered if the night would ever end. And then it dawned on me.
Why was the ghost unhappy when his child was born? He became apparent.
Thank you! That’s more like it. One might even say that your Username is a Dad Joke!
I owe it all to my dad.
This stuff killed in the third grade.
“If we’re going to fix this, we’ll need a henway from the garage.”
“What’s a henway?”
“About five or six pounds.”
Have you heard of Murphy’s Law? Yeah
Have you heard of Cole’s Law? No
It’s a dish made from shredded cabbage.
A tray of muffins was baking in the oven. One muffin said to the other “Geez, it’s getting hot in here.” The other says, “Oh my gosh, it’s a talking muffin.”
By the way @percival, the third graders didn’t get it. My daughter is a teacher and she says it’s the fourth graders who think her jokes are funny – they just go over the third graders heads.
I know your Dad, these bon motes sound about right.
Well, the third grade of John J. Pershing Elementary had an Algonquin Round Table of talent.
What’s a weightlifter’s favorite city?
Gainesville
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
The sand which is there?
More my dad’s particular sense of middle school humor than a prototypical dad joke, but my (lapsed Baptist) father’s favorite activity on Ash Wednesday is either to find a way to trick us into taking a shower/washing our faces/etc. as soon after we have gotten back from Mass as possible, or to bless us with pellet ashes when we aren’t looking. He also, when explaining my grades and where I go to university, likes to introduce me as the milkman’s daughter, which is all well and good with an old friend but confounding to a lot of new acquaintances, especially non-native English speakers who can’t figure out why he’s introducing his child as illegitimate.
LOL!! I was always referred to as the milkman’s kid as well. Since I was about 6” taller and about 80 lbs heavier than him, my father also often mentioned that said milkman was “a big SOB!”
Haha, I think that might be its own category of dad joke. His other favorite joke, because I suffer from frequent, prolonged, and very heavy nose bleeds, is to tell random strangers that I (a 5’6″ 19 year old girl with the nerdiest glasses this side of George F. Will) have a penchant for starting violent fist fights. It’s charming.
Did you say Sandwich?
My daughter does this one the best (she’s 7 and dramatic)
I want to use this next time someone asks if I have a step ladder…
Dad jokes, to me, are punny. I love a good dad joke.
The only ones I could think of were the call and response kind:
Kid: I’m hungry!
Hi hungry, I’m Dad.
But here’s one:
I don’t know that it qualifies as a Dad joke, but my father told the Euripides Eumenides joke every now and then. (It starts with taking your torn pants to a Greek tailor for repairs.)
Euripides Upmann was Car Talk’s Document Security Expert from Jamaica.
My spouse found this Father’s Day greeting card that cracked us both up.
Front of card read, “So Dad, remember what you always told me? About how when the going gets tough…”
%#$@%#$@%#$@%^#$ Then you flipped the card open:
“The tough turn on the TV.”
It would have been funnier as,
“So Dad, remember what you always told me? … when the going gets tough…”
Then you flipped the card open: “%#$@%#$@%#$@%^#$”
There’s a subreddit for dad jokes and I have to get most of mine from there.
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
A second hand store.
So bad! Keep ’em coming.
Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.
I can always count on them.
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games.
He answered “Wii”
I complained to the barista that my coffee tasted like mud.
He said that it was fresh ground.
I’m anaemic. He said unironically.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Give it ten tickles.
A weasel walks into a bar. Bartender asks, “What will it be?”
“Pop”, goes the weasel.
What kind of teacher never farts in public?
A private tutor.