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The Third Shift Detective: The Case of The Double Dealing Diva
As many of the denizens of the PIT know, I write a web comic called The Third Shift Detective. The art is bad, the writing is worse, and the handwriting is deplorable. It has been suggested (@garymcvey) that I do a animatic video version. Now that is a lot of work. However, what requires less work is just narrating the images. So here is the first story arc of the series. Later ones will have more polish and possibly better art and writing.
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Published in General
Note: in future versions, I may do a better job of narrating.
I loved it! The art and handwriting are perfect for this look. I just love it. It’s very current. No need to change the narration either!
I think I could have done a better job at being deadpan.
You were great.
This is wonderful! Just as original as the cartoons before narration and music. A great storyboard, and a lot of fun to listen to. It’s the best of radio and comic strips!
It had to have been a lot of work, and it was all worth it. Bravo. You did good, Sam.
Well, that’s a given. They couldn’t very well be worse.
I kept waiting for the Masurian Lakes and Aleksei Brusilov.
Well, that’s a given, etc.
Great Stuff. Might make a great wacky film.
They may make it into a future story.
Your voice is really well suited to this. If we ever do a recorded RSR again, I have to remember this as your real life tone. With the music in the background it reminds me of Jack Kerouac on the Steve Allen show. You’re a better narrator than Jack, but there’s something about the sound that’s similar.
Now I’m going to have to look that up.
First off, this is great. Turned out a great deal better than I expected, and I had reasonably high expectations.
I think your deadpan was fine for the most part. I mean, there were times when I noticed your joke-telling tone of voice, but that tended to be on the one-shot jokes early on. If I recall correctly there are less of those as the series goes on, so I’d be less worried about the tone.
You might slow things down a bit; leave another half a breath in between panels, and maybe slow down the narration a tad. But while that might be truer to the noir style I’m hesitant to ever recommend entertainment slow down. You don’t want your audience to get bored.
Again though, this is pretty fantastic!
Cute gig, you have a good narrating voice.
See all that blank space at the right side of the frame? This is one of those rare times when I wish I could buy an ad on Ricochet: “Hey you! Look over here!”
I agree with every word of this extremely objective review!
Yeah, I went with the first draft rather then take a week to polish it. I figured I had slacked off long enough. Now to start working on the second story… in a couple of weeks.
Yeah, that was my one thought, also. Just a little bit slower would be more fitting. But that was quite good, Sam.
Just in case, here’s what I meant. Just an average segment on network TV sixty years ago, in an era that’s now regarded as a boring, repressed time of chainsmoking evil. It’s 1959 in NBC, in living color. Nobody on the set that night could have had any idea that anyone would be able to see this, sitting at kitchen tables in the middle of the night–
Steverino diggin’ with the Beats, daddy-o.
I may have to add a drum track to the bass line of the next video.
But then it may end up more like this:
Why change a thing. It was all good. I thought the background music was especially good.
This is where someone should insert that meme of Morgan Freeman and “He’s Right, You Know”. I liked the words, the voice, the music, everything.
Yeah, the music was a really good choice.
It’s good. I’d reduce the level in relation to the narrative and maybe work in a chord progression (I/IV/V/I maybe). Don’t overdo a percussion part: brushes on a snare would be plenty.
I had the chord progression before I recorded the bass, but my timing didn’t line up right. This may be adjusted before I do the next story arc, but only time will tell. My bet would be on just the bass line remaining, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try to do better. As far as adding drums, well, It’s going to be something light, something to add emphasis, not overpower. Or, it could be not added at all. we will see when my new equipment gets here.