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Friends, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce New Jersey is at it again.
Gov. Phil Murphy (D), who until now had been content to be quietly slightly less awful than his counterpart in New York, was in the news for two rather remarkable things recently. The first was occasioned by Josh Gottheimer, a Democratic congressman from North Jersey, going on one of those warm-and-fuzzy tours where he did various jobs in his district. Rep. Gottheimer went to a gas station but was relegated to wielding the windshield squeegee because he doesn’t have the certificate you need in order to legally pump gasoline into cars. In other words, as anyone who has driven through New Jersey knows, it’s illegal to pump your own gas there. Murphy was quoted in the article as saying (in 2018), “The way gasoline is delivered in this state is part of our fabric.”
The second was Gov. Murphy saying today that he will sign a bill to legalize euthanasia that has passed both houses of the state legislature. So, New Jersey is about to join six other states and the District of Columbia as places where euthanasia is legal- and the only one where it’s legal to be euthanized but not to pump your own gas*.
(Incidentally, my main objection to euthanasia is that if you have the power to choose how you will die, having a doctor inject you with poison to make a political point seems like a very lame way to go. Get back to me when I can have myself tied (naked, of course) to the back of a rocket which will explode in midair and scatter little bits of me all over the landscape while a choir with jazz flute accompaniment sings “Up, Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon”. #YODO.)
(I know, I’ve put way too much thought into that.)
The compromise solution here is obvious. If any New Jersey residents are too dumb to pump their own gas without blowing themselves up, just consider it a form of euthanasia.
*In Oregon, another state with legalized euthanasia, it is also illegal to pump your own gas, but there is an exception for counties with a population under 40,000.Published in