Getting Gassed in the Garden State

 

Friends, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce New Jersey is at it again.

Gov. Phil Murphy (D), who until now had been content to be quietly slightly less awful than his counterpart in New York, was in the news for two rather remarkable things recently.  The first was occasioned by Josh Gottheimer, a Democratic congressman from North Jersey, going on one of those warm-and-fuzzy tours where he did various jobs in his district.  Rep. Gottheimer went to a gas station but was relegated to wielding the windshield squeegee because he doesn’t have the certificate you need in order to legally pump gasoline into cars.  In other words, as anyone who has driven through New Jersey knows, it’s illegal to pump your own gas there.  Murphy was quoted in the article as saying (in 2018), “The way gasoline is delivered in this state is part of our fabric.”

The second was Gov. Murphy saying today that he will sign a bill to legalize euthanasia that has passed both houses of the state legislature.  So, New Jersey is about to join six other states and the District of Columbia as places where euthanasia is legal- and the only one where it’s legal to be euthanized but not to pump your own gas*.

(Incidentally, my main objection to euthanasia is that if you have the power to choose how you will die, having a doctor inject you with poison to make a political point seems like a very lame way to go.  Get back to me when I can have myself tied (naked, of course) to the back of a rocket which will explode in midair and scatter little bits of me all over the landscape while a choir with jazz flute accompaniment sings “Up, Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon”.  #YODO.)

(I know, I’ve put way too much thought into that.)

The compromise solution here is obvious.  If any New Jersey residents are too dumb to pump their own gas without blowing themselves up, just consider it a form of euthanasia.

*In Oregon, another state with legalized euthanasia, it is also illegal to pump your own gas, but there is an exception for counties with a population under 40,000.

Published in Domestic Policy
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  1. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    Euthanasia but no death penalty. 

    Sometimes people in bad health will feel like they would rather die, but that feeling doesn’t always last.

    • #1
  2. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    They let him squeegee without any sort of certification or license? People could end up with streaks on the windshield that blur the driver’s vision. Maybe the Governor can take up that issue next.

    • #2
  3. Bigfoot Coolidge
    Bigfoot
    @Bigfoot

    I tried to major in pumping gas in College, but did not have the intellectual wherewithal to qualify so I was forced into the snap courses, math and physics.

    But I did learn how to spell government boondoggle.

    • #3
  4. Misthiocracy secretly Member
    Misthiocracy secretly
    @Misthiocracy

    The Lost Dutchman: “The way gasoline is delivered in this state is part of our fabric.”

    I can sorta kinda see the logic in this, and in order to further protect the state’s fabric I think NJ gas station attendants should be legally required to wear 1940s-style gas station uniforms, with bow ties and dorky hats being super-duper mandatory.

    • #4
  5. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    It’s been decades since a gas station attendant washed my windshield. They just pump gas, it is not like the old full-service stations where they clean your windows and check your oil.

    • #5
  6. dnewlander Coolidge
    dnewlander
    @dnewlander

    Misthiocracy secretly (View Comment):

    The Lost Dutchman: “The way gasoline is delivered in this state is part of our fabric.”

    I can sorta kinda see the logic in this, and in order to further protect the state’s fabric I think NJ gas station attendants should be legally required to wear 1940s-style gas station uniforms, with bow ties and dorky hats being super-duper mandatory.

    Someone’s shooting at the cans!!

    • #6
  7. Tex929rr Coolidge
    Tex929rr
    @Tex929rr

    Can I nominate this paragraph for some sort of award?

    “(Incidentally, my main objection to euthanasia is that if you have the power to choose how you will die, having a doctor inject you with poison to make a political point seems like a very lame way to go. Get back to me when I can have myself tied (naked, of course) to the back of a rocket which will explode in midair and scatter little bits of me all over the landscape while a choir with jazz flute accompaniment sings “Up, Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon”. #YODO.)”

    • #7
  8. dnewlander Coolidge
    dnewlander
    @dnewlander

    Tex929rr (View Comment):

    Can I nominate this paragraph for some sort of award?

    “(Incidentally, my main objection to euthanasia is that if you have the power to choose how you will die, having a doctor inject you with poison to make a political point seems like a very lame way to go. Get back to me when I can have myself tied (naked, of course) to the back of a rocket which will explode in midair and scatter little bits of me all over the landscape while a choir with jazz flute accompaniment sings “Up, Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon”. #YODO.)”

    I dunno. The opening scene to Monty Python’s Meaning of Life has always appealed to me for some reason.

    • #8
  9. Paul Erickson Inactive
    Paul Erickson
    @PaulErickson

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    Get back to me when I can have myself tied (naked, of course) to the back of a rocket which will explode in midair and scatter little bits of me all over the landscape while a choir with jazz flute accompaniment sings “Up, Up and Away In My Beautiful Balloon”. #YODO.)

    Never happen.  Copyrights to the song, environmental impact and all that.  What do you think this is, Texas?

    • #9
  10. Paul Erickson Inactive
    Paul Erickson
    @PaulErickson

    Vance Richards (View Comment):

    It’s been decades since a gas station attendant washed my windshield. They just pump gas, it is not like the old full-service stations where they clean your windows and check your oil.

    Sounds like they gave Congressman Josh a “make work” job.

    Excuse me — another make work job.

    • #10
  11. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Misthiocracy secretly (View Comment):

    The Lost Dutchman: “The way gasoline is delivered in this state is part of our fabric.”

    I can sorta kinda see the logic in this, and in order to further protect the state’s fabric I think NJ gas station attendants should be legally required to wear 1940s-style gas station uniforms, with bow ties and dorky hats being super-duper mandatory.

    A dollar a gallon. Not bad.

    • #11
  12. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    Paul Erickson (View Comment):

    Vance Richards (View Comment):

    It’s been decades since a gas station attendant washed my windshield. They just pump gas, it is not like the old full-service stations where they clean your windows and check your oil.

    Sounds like they gave Congressman Josh a “make work” job.

    Excuse me — another make work job.

    Yes, but did they give him $15 an hour?

    • #12
  13. Al French, sad sack Moderator
    Al French, sad sack
    @AlFrench

    But in Oregon you don’t need a Fuel Transfer Technician certificate to pump gas.

    • #13
  14. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    The Lost Dutchman: *In Oregon, another state with legalized euthanasia, it is also illegal to pump your own gas, but there is an exception for counties with a population under 40,000.

    So, they’re admitting people who live in cities are too stupid to pump their own gas?

    • #14
  15. dnewlander Coolidge
    dnewlander
    @dnewlander

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    The Lost Dutchman: *In Oregon, another state with legalized euthanasia, it is also illegal to pump your own gas, but there is an exception for counties with a population under 40,000.

    So, they’re admitting people who live in cities are too stupid to pump their own gas?

    Having been to Porland, I say, “yes”.

    • #15
  16. TGR9898 Inactive
    TGR9898
    @TedRudolph

    Misthiocracy secretly (View Comment):

    I can sorta kinda see the logic in this, and in order to further protect the state’s fabric I think NJ gas station attendants should be legally required to wear 1940s-style gas station uniforms, with bow ties and dorky hats being super-duper mandatory.

    For most of the attendants in South Jersey, there is a mandatory head covering… but it’s not the type routinely seen stateside in the 1940s.

     

    • #16
  17. Bill Nelson Inactive
    Bill Nelson
    @BillNelson

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    and check your oil.

    No one checks oil any longer.

     

    • #17
  18. Al French, sad sack Moderator
    Al French, sad sack
    @AlFrench

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    The Lost Dutchman: *In Oregon, another state with legalized euthanasia, it is also illegal to pump your own gas, but there is an exception for counties with a population under 40,000.

    So, they’re admitting people who live in cities are too stupid to pump their own gas?

    In some small counties there is not enough business to make staying open 24/7 economical. Oregon has for some time allowed self service for commercial customers. Hence “card lock” stations where there is no attendant. In the small counties all customers are allowed to use them.

    Not that I agree with the system.

    it is not that the people are too stupid to pump their own gas, it is that the people are too stupid to know they are paying the wages.

    • #18
  19. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Al French, sad sack (View Comment):

    But in Oregon you don’t need a Fuel Transfer Technician certificate to pump gas.

    That was the part that struck me in the OP – apparently it’s not enough that the employer gas station thinks the attendant is competent; there has to be some type of certification?!!!

    • #19
  20. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    My daughter and some of her college classmates (school in upstate New York) had an enjoyable time making fun of another girl who had no clue how to pump gas, as she had lived her whole life in New Jersey. They did teach her how to handle this staple of most people’s lives. 

    • #20
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