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The World Isn’t Fair
As a child, I would get so annoyed with my mother when she would tell me, “The world isn’t fair.” She believed that with all her heart because her life experiences had taught her that truth. She had been knocked down many times, but always managed to pick herself up. She learned, after a while, that many of her disappointments came from her own choices; she also realized, however, that things didn’t always turn out the way she wished they would have.
As a person who lives pretty much on the optimistic side of the worldview scale, you might be surprised to see that I agree with my mother. No matter how I want things to be, it’s sometimes a coin flip to see how they turn out. And most of the time when they don’t pan out, it’s not that important or I can learn from the experience.
In my life, I repeatedly get the message that the world isn’t fair. We had a roof leak repaired and for reasons I won’t go into here, the ceiling in the laundry room caved in. We had a huge mess on our hands. So what did we do? Did we rant and rave against roofers, against the weather, against shoddy work? Did we spend time dwelling on our misfortune? Nope. We registered our complaint and got multiple bids to replace the entire roof (since that need was on the horizon).
They will start the roof replacement in about two weeks. Did we rant and rave about the lo-o-o-n-g process to get all the approvals, order the tile and receive it from the manufacturer? Nope. My husband put up plastic that fed into a plastic bin so that the water from all the rainy days we’ve had didn’t turn our laundry room into a lake. Nothing was fair about the process, and it was tempting to dwell on it, blame people, or make the choice to focus on other things.
What about the news media? It’s not fair. It is enormously biased, mentally deranged, hyperbolic and annoying as can be. No matter how I try, I can’t get away from it. When I hear the commentators (I mean, lackeys for the Democrat party), I turn them off. And I listen to broadcasters that show just a bit more objectivity and balance. I find places to share my views and expand my perceptions (like Ricochet).
There are a lot of people in our home development who are Progressives. I avoid most of them but am friendly with a few because they are good people in spite of their delusions. We just don’t talk politics. I try to make wise choices regarding the people I welcome into my life, those I engage with, and those who I think share my values.
And I avoid the rest.
I continually remind myself that I have choices: I can choose where I go, with whom I communicate, with whom I invest my emotional energy, with whom I confide, and with whom I spend my time. In any given environment there will be people I don’t like; I avoid them and I quite frankly don’t care how they live their lives. Instead, I focus on the good people.
The world is not fair. But the people with whom I associate are more than fair, good people. That’s enough for me.
Published in General
As a person on the Right, the most important “fair” thing is the application of rules and laws. I think this is primary distinction between Left and Right personalities. The Right is Spock with logic and cold application of ancient and established rules. The Left is Bones ruled by unbound emotions. From those two perspectives, what is “fair” is rarely the same thing. Something to keep in mind when you are gathered with friends and relatives is that they might not perceive the world the same way you do.
Another way to look at Left and Right, @dong, is (I believe) the fact that we on the Right apply a good balance of head and heart. I’m hardly a “Spock” type–too much use of my messy emotions. I think that’s what makes our positions so difficult to dispute–many of us really are compassionate conservatives–and proud of it! But many on the Left think that only those messy emotions matter–and that makes them unfit for the real world.
I often told my kids the only fair is one week a year over on the west side of town (County fair).
I had a friend whose dad would intentionally give the kids different amounts of ice cream. When one of them complained about it not being fair, he would state, “You have ice cream, enjoy it. There will always be people with more ice cream than you. If you focus on that, you will never enjoy the ice cream you have.”
I’m not sure I agree with the Dad’s method, but I definitely agree with the point he was making. He’s right; if you focus on the things you don’t have, you won’t enjoy the things that you do have.
I had the same reaction, @weeping. But the message was spot on.
It’s so interesting hearing about children who need to have what the other kids have. Growing up, funds were tight and we kids knew it. I don’t ever remember asking for something because someone else owned one. Even now, I often seem out of step with the times. And I get by just fine!
Dad was an enlisted man in the Air Force, so funds had to be tight; there were three boys. But I never noticed.
I don’t see anything necessarily wrong even with the method. One of the things being taught there is not to be evaluating what others have in some effort to justify a wrong notion. Don’t even look if that’s your purpose. As children grow and diverge in interests and needs, when parents or others are helping what each child gets may differ greatly. Fairness is not a good measure.
Neither Weeping nor I called it wrong, @bobthompson. I think we were uneasy, and it might be more a male/female reaction. But your point is correct: there will be, must be, differences, and it’s good training for when we enter the world.
That is more accurate. Spock was half human.
Daily I look around at how much I have – materially and spiritually. A loving husband, lots of good food, a beautiful home furnished with anything I want, time to do (or not do) anything I want, money in the bank. It really isn’t fair. All I can do is appreciate it.
Mrs. iWe and I quite explicitly give each child what we think he needs – and it is never the same as what another child receives.
“Fair” is a forbidden four-letter word in our house. Any child who uses it gets to clean out the garbage cans.
They have not been cleaned in years.
We try to be “fair” around here. And we distinguish being treated “fairly” from being treated “equally.” Because they are not the same thing at all.
We’ve also always made it very clear that the adults are the arbiters of fairness and that whining and carrying on about it on the part of the children are simply not allowed.
I suspect the penalty for such here is even more drastic than it is in your house. The floor of our barn is much bigger than the surface area inside your garbage cans, I’m pretty sure.
A post like this appears to address a limited and narrow topic. But the concept being addressed, whether focused on ‘fair or equal treatment’ or on ‘fair or equal results’ invariably can be expanded to the broader political context.
I will point out once again how unequally or unfairly the views of President Trump’s actions have been. Before Trump was President politicians of all stripes thought James Comey should have been fired but when Trump was President they reversed that position. Same with building a wall to stop illegal persons and drugs from crossing our southern borders. Same with whether we should maintain a military presence in the Middle East and Afghanistan.
So I’m not really very interested in arguments for fair treatment in small matters when important matters are going as noted above. I listed just three areas where so-called important people don’t know their own minds. Many more examples could be listed.