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Ban Best Friends?
Should adults “ban” best friends for our kids in the interest of being socially inclusive? I think this is a horrible idea, asked in this US News, Should Schools Ban Kids From Having Best Friends? Adults deciding who kids get to be friends with? That will not only breed resentment, it will reduce engagement in school. I have seen children without a best friend at school (in 6th grade I was one), and it hurt my performance in school. In 12th grade, when my then best friends and I broke up, I made it a point to find a new best friend, one whom I am still best friends with, so take that, social do-gooders. Think of all the friends I “excluded” by having this one.
To look at it another way, having someone force the kids in 6th grade who did not like me to be my “friend” would have made things 100 times worse. I was already being bullied. Having teachers force apart cliques to include me would have breed resentment on their part, and guess who would have born the brunt of their ire?
Gallup has shown that having a best friend at work is one of the factors of workers being engaged at work. This question on their Q12, while the most controversial, has held up. People who have a best friend at work are more engaged with their jobs, and happier at work. It stands to reason, less emotionally mature children have at least as much need, if not more, as adults for a best friend.
Instead of trying to guide our kids’ number of friends or size of their social circles to fit some outcome of research on circle size, my suggestion is to let children find their way with relationships that fit their personalities and traits. Some people naturally have a limited number of deep relationships, and some people a broad circle. Trying to fit everyone into a middle of the road “best” option is working against human nature.
To quote a popular song from my youth, “Leave those kids alone!”
Published in General
“You’re going to make me hang out with humans, aren’t you?”
That picture looks like you and your best friend from long ago?
(New England Bears 1973 on the sweatshirt!)
Well, not sure where the sweatshirt came from, but that is my son (who does look like me) and his best friend at the time, my daughter. At 15 and (almost) 13 they are still really close. Does their old man’s heart good.
Once the Nannies get their claws into our lives, there is literally no limit to what they would do in order to ‘improve’ our lives. Because they really, actually, think they are that much smarter than we poor common folk are. That’s what makes them so dangerous.
I agree there. And, even the writer of the article I am responding too did not advocate changing the school. However, the writer is misguided to think that parents are going to control the friendships of their children.
And while they’re at it, they can ban boyfriends/girlfriends when the kids get into high school. Because seriously, is there anything more discriminatory than going steady with someone?
I swear, the absurd things you can come to believe when you only have second-hand knowledge of the human race…
Good post! Another stupid idea from the Left, Bryan. I’m sure that every civilization has had best friends develop from the beginning of time. The problem (which they won’t admit) is that they want all of us to believe the government is our best friend. Good grief.
Like G&E
The Book of Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) reminds those familiar with it, in chapter 6, vv.14-16:
“Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.”
[NABRE, HarperCollins: Kindle Edition.]
Just sayin’…With you all the way, Bryan.
Best friends are special; simple friendships that have loose bonds are also important. Neither of these bonds can be coerced, by adults or peers.
One thing adults should encourage is simple kindness.
There is something valuable about looking outside yourself, and showing kindness to someone.
The one thing adults should forbid and correct whenever observed is cruelty and unkindness.
Cruelty and unkindness are not the exclusive error of children.
The only way to achieve ‘equality’ in friendship is to ban friendship altogether. But don’t worry, Big Brother will always be your friend.
Interesting how the author of the “ban best friends” piece uses that as click bait. Because what she really promotes is for parents to guide their children with their friendships, incorporating things like kindness, and sensitivity.
But then she writes this:
So, when schools drop the core of their ramped-up ranking culture, including local, state and national school rankings, valedictorian, class rank, Spelling bee, best dressed, prom queen, plus all athletic team competitions, they might have some credibility to breach topics like the best-ness of student’s personal relationships.
This is what they do in religious houses, right? where any personal attachments are forbidden, because the individuals are “oblates”; they’re not supposed to have any earthly desires or preferences. Yuh. And guess what this new religion is: progressivism.
I cant think of anything more damaging than telling a child it’s wrong to like whoever she does like. Telling him there is nothing to choose among people. Telling her that any particular attraction she feels is misguided and unimportant. O God: what kind of a life awaits these poor stunted beings? It really is too horrible to contemplate.
Oh dear Lord.
As Dennis Prager would say, “You’d have to have a PhD [in sociology, psychology…] to believe something that stupid.”
I had best friends. Once was a big lad, far bigger than I, which prevented me, a shrimp from being regularly beat up.
Another was a kid who was constantly being teased and bullied. It didn’t seem to happen when we hung out. Maybe it did, but it didn’t matter.
Of course these brilliant people who can’t run schools want to dictate the details of student’s lives.
Ah, no…even those in vowed life have come to recognize the value of friendship in communal life – and ties to family. My Mom’s cousin, who died about 10 years ago, was a Benedictine nun (longtime Superior of her community) who was released from the vow of “stability” for a time, to stay with her mother, who was convalescing after surgery. I know of several vowed religious who’ve been given sabbaticals to care for family members in need.
You can’t really ban the free market. You can turn it into a “black market” but you can’t make it disappear.
They are adorable. I truly can imagine the good they do your heart :)
They are my life.
Wow seriously _____ this. I have a best friend and my life would be worst without him.
I think the schools should focus on teaching reading, writing, math, science and history and let the kids find their own friends.
The scariest part isn’t that they’re considering this, but that they honestly think they can do it.
My teacher brother often complained about all these new teaching “methods” that every few years were imposed on the teachers by the educational establishments. His view was that over the past two or three millennia we have pretty much figured out how to teach.
[redundant]
What’s that got to do with what I said? This us an errand of mercy, caring for the sick. We’re talkin’ about the most basic privilege of personhood: choosing one’s company.
I agree. What kind of people come up with these stupid ideas? Oh, yeah . . . got to be liberals.
I can’t say I have one best friend, but my best friends are guys I’ve known for 50-56 years. It hasn’t held me back from making new friends (especially on Ricochet).
No, these same people probably also lament how social media makes kids less sociable . . .
There’s another way to kill friendship: a book has been written proposing that the relationship be legally encumbered with certain obligations. I’m not kidding.
So, between bring instructed as a kid that “particular realtionships” are bad,
and being warned as an adult that they may ensnare you in legal liabilities,
I’d say this ancient human bond is well-nigh doomed.
do you think it can’t happen? I hope you’re right, and personally hold out the hope that although it may happen, it can’t last.
But look what has been done with heterosexual attraction, which is responsible for the perprtuation of our species. It is bring marginalized– even among toddlers!– and criminalized.
If you have a best friend, you might not inform on him/her when the collective requires it. Can’t have that.
Everything for the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state.
OntheLeftCoast :
“If you have a best friend, you might not inform on him/her when the collective requires it. Can’t have that.”
My thoughts exactly. Don’t you people know that the Government knows what’s best for all of us in every respect. Challenging such directives from on high needs to be reported. Immediately.
“Best Friends” implies that one has the right to the judgement as to what is best for oneself. Such sentiments challenge the authority of the State to determine what’s best for you. Such wayward thinking cannot be allowed and should be punished forthwith,without delay.