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Why Americans Love SUVs
“The whole world is angry at America for driving SUVs. Why do we Americans love these monstrous and threatening devices? Barging through traffic in a sport utility vehicle is hardly sporting. The utility of the things is open to question. And they are vehicles mainly in the sense that the Alaska pipeline is a vehicle for oil — most of this pipeline’s capacity being needed to keep on Cadillac Escalade topped up.” — P.J. O’Rourke, Driving Like Crazy, 2009
So begins P.J. O’Rourke’s defense of SUVs, from a piece first published in the London Times, and later reprinted in Driving Like Crazy. The essay is a short one, but full of O’Rourke’s typical wit.
We have big families, and we’re big people. How big I needn’t tell you who are annually trampled in Trafalgar Square and butted across Hyde Park by herds of Guernsey-sized American tourists. Michelle Obama, in fact, is considered the Twiggy of America. Even our wispy left-wing intellectual types are … you’ve seen Michael Moore.
…
America is a practical nation. SUVs provide practical solutions to the problems Americans face. Americans have a lot of baggage — backpacks, fanny packs, laptops, beer coolers, blame for everything that’s wrong in the world. Try armor-plating your Mercedes Smart Car.
I’m an American, and I drive an SUV. I am not ashamed.
Published in Humor
Our government did it. A good rule to follow. If something doesn’t make sense, doesn’t work, is undervalued, overvalued, look for the government program, regulation or decision that caused it. You’ll find a government caused anomaly 99% of the time. Station wagon were cars. Suvs were delivery vans excluded from cafe standards.
The government almost mandates large cars/suvs, or they are mandating less children and dogs. They require children to be put in car seats at older ages. When my kids were small, I put the baby on my lap in the front seat. If you have two kids and a dog, you want a bigger vehicle so you have breathing room. There is a push to contain dogs in cars with cages or seat belts. Auto manufacturers are working to build vehcles for 2 customers; the government and private people. The government wants safer cars (requires more heft) that get great milage (requires less heft). SUVs can be cars and trucks, they are flexible. The government also doesn’t mind if you don’t get to go where you want when you want, hence the idea of mass transit is attractive. It also means families can be separated if it is harder to travel, and helps in that family breakdown idea liberals work for.
Oh, never mind the rest of the world! How many times have my husband and I given a ride to a bunch of our lefty friends, who pass the time by making fun of our big, spacious car!
So get out and walk, you sanctimonious bozos!
There was a car commercial, probably a decade back now, where a pre-teen is being taken to meet his friends at the movies (or something) in the family SUV and he asks to be dropped off a couple blocks away so that his friends don’t see him getting out of the car. In the commercial the dad then explains that no, this is a green SUV, blah blah blah.
In my world, the dad whips the car into a screaming 180, drives back home and tells the little brat to walk to the damn movie.
Oh my god, it took me forever to find an infant carseat that actually fits comfortably in a medium sized sedan. The Cybex Aton line if anybody needs to know.
I do actually believe there is an unholy conspiracy around carseats, betweenthe automakers, the oil companys, and the government.
Actually, it’s The Times. Or so my British husband insists. ?
You’d love some of the new features in these things now. Our other car is a Toyota Sienna, and it has a voice amplification feature where my wife can bark out orders to the kiddos in the back seat, and her voice comes over the car speakers. Very cool.
Get back to me when they have the automated shoe-flinger.
Ah, the “I’m for me first” solution.
I want shockers in the seats.
My wife wants water spritzers. You know how some people use spray bottles on cats? Same thing. Also handy for washing down the seats.
My 2.2 litre mid-sized highly-efficient SUV does about 525 miles of mixed driving for a fill costing around €75/$88. I don’t know how that compares with US prices but I’m guessing poorly? But I am so virtuous!
It’s carried six kids and their pets and their sporting gear more than 200,000 miles. Best vehicle I’ve ever owned.
Yes – underpowered is right. I drove my family up to the mountains this summer in our Odyssey and I had to floor it just to go 25 mph up the steep grades.
Another reason people buy SUVs and trucks is that weather in large parts of the United States is terrible for six (or more!) months out of the year. A light, two wheel drive vehicle on a slick road is asking for a trip into the ditch, and a tow truck. Bad weather also creates and enlarges potholes, which will break axles on flimsy vehicles.
My SUV: 1 ////// Mailbox: 0
Driving by the Braille Method, RA?
It’s not nice to make fun of a Blonde Person.
Yes, my uncle bought my aunt an SUV do she could make it to work on any weather and as a OB she really needed to be able to get to work. My uncle in Alaska bought a suburban just because it’s Alaska and he didn’t want to be stick at home for 5 months.
In my much more temperate area it was still really nice to be able to go out and about last year during our unexpectedly bad winter.