A Liberal Lexicon

 

Affirmative Action: A way to give admissions and hiring preference to wealthy and connected members of favored minorities at the expense of unfavored minorities.

Alt Right: A small group of internet trolls who have embraced the Liberal media caricature of conservatives. See also White Supremacists.

Antifa: A secretive society whose members wear black hoods and masks. Their main activities appear to be attacking people on the street, destroying property and fighting with the police. The name has something to do with Fascism.

Black Lives Matter: An organization championing the lives of African Americans killed by the police while ignoring African Americans killed by other African Americans, drug overdoses, diabetes, heart disease, or abortionists.

Business Regulations: A method by which the government supports large established businesses over smaller competitors who don’t have the resources to hire lawyers and accountants to ensure compliance or lobbyists to influence the process.

Carbon Offset: Penance paid by wealthy sinners in order to receive indulgences from the high church of Climate Change.

Climate Change: The current religious dogma of the primary faith of the liberal elite. Recently changed so that it can be conveniently applied to any weather event.

Code Words: A phrase that means the speaker has no response to your arguments. Instead, they provide their own meanings to some of your words and phases, and then argue against those meanings. (Ed. note: Which seems to apply to this entire post.) See also Dog Whistle.

Common-sense Gun Control: A proposed governmental response to a horrific incident that has one or more of the following attributes:

  1. It is based on laws or regulations already in place.
  2. It has no bearing on any of the devices used in the incident.
  3. It is impossible to enact or enforce.

Cultural Appropriation: While you may appreciate folk art or music from another culture, don’t try to incorporate it into your own work. Even if you do it in a respectful manner, it is theft. Even though it may have been adapted from yet another culture, is not copyrighted, is not illegal, is not owned by any individual, and is not harming anyone physically or financially, you are stealing, it is theft, you thief! Also, you cannot wear jewelry, makeup, or clothing that is popular with a culture other than your own, even if you have paid someone from that culture for the items.

Denier: A heathen who has not accepted the received word or a heretic from the dogma of Climate Change.

Diversity: A way for bureaucrats to force businesses and universities to hire or admit people based on traits other than ability. Originally based on race and gender, but now based on such esoteric qualities (religion, culture, sexual orientation) that widespread fraud is inevitable.

Fascist: See Nazi.

Feminist: A woman without any sense of humor who has no understanding of subtlety, irony, or human nature. She therefore thinks she has perfect knowledge of the interactions between men and women. Also, a man who thinks he can get more sex by pretending to agree with humorless women.

Global Warming: The former religious dogma of the primary faith of liberal elite. Recently changed when the globe turned out not to be warming quite as fast as prophesied.

Ku Klux Klan: An openly racist Democrat organization that has fallen out of favor with the rest of the party, but whose every proclamation and action is publicized by the Democrat media. Noted for their elaborate costumes and absurd titles.

Law: A governmental solution to every problem, even though it may be selectively obeyed and enforced.

Nazi: See Racist.

Neo-Conservative: An epithet you can use against Jews without being labeled anti-Semitic. See also Zionist and Israeli.

Privilege: A way to attack someone for their race and gender that is in no way racist or sexist, no siree.

Racist: An epithet that means the user has no rejoinder to your arguments and is trying to shut off debate by reverting by name-calling.

Regulation: A government solution to every problem, but without that messy “needs to be passed by Congress and signed by the President” nonsense. May also be selectively enforced.

Republicans: A political organization that is responsible for all the things going wrong in the country despite the fact that its members are squabbling disunified incompetents. Also called Fascist, because squabbling, disunity, and incompetence are the hallmarks of Fascist organizations.

The Science Is Settled: A phrase meaning the speaker has no knowledge of the scientific method.

Socialism: An economic system with great popularity despite the fact that it has failed in every country that has tried it. According to its most rabid adherents, it has never been properly instituted. This means that it is either impossible to create a proper socialist system or socialists are totally incompetent. Of course, both may be true.

Social Justice: A vague term that means whatever is in vogue with liberals this week.

Social Justice Warrior: A condescending scold who thinks they make the world better by half-informed nattering about the latest liberal cause célèbre. Noted for their absurd costumes and elaborate titles.

Tolerance: A willingness to be open-minded about the choices, culture, and lifestyle of another person, as long as they are not conservative. The first step in the tolerance-acceptance-celebration-subsidization continuum.

Transgender: A confused, depressed person with a propensity for suicide who, after extensive counseling by well-paid mental health professionals and genital mutilation conducted by well-paid surgeons, becomes a confused, depressed person with a propensity for suicide.

Woke: A blissful, dreamlike state where all liberal biases are confirmed and no prejudices are challenged.

With apologies to Jonah Goldberg and Ambrose Bierce, who, after all, may still be out there somewhere.

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  1. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    JosePluma: and Ambrose Bierce, who, after all, may still be out there somewhere.

    Darned tootin!

    • #1
  2. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    JosePluma: The Science is Settled: A phrase meaning the speaker has no knowledge of the scientific method.

    Yyyeeeeeessssssss!!! Thank you! Magnificent post!

    • #2
  3. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    Wonderful list, all on the mark.  Perhaps regulation needs a tweak.  A regulation is the way large old companies losing their competitive edge adjust  laws that harm everyone  to disproportionately harm their competitors and potential competitors.

    • #3
  4. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    I Walton (View Comment):
    Wonderful list, all on the mark. Perhaps regulation needs a tweak. A regulation is the way large old companies losing their competitive edge adjust laws that harm everyone to disproportionately harm their competitors and potential competitors.

    I thought I covered that in Business Regulations.   I do want to see folks add their own definitions to this list.

    • #4
  5. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    I Walton (View Comment):
    Wonderful list, all on the mark. Perhaps regulation needs a tweak. A regulation is the way large old companies losing their competitive edge adjust laws that harm everyone to disproportionately harm their competitors and potential competitors.

    I thought I covered that in Business Regulations. I do want to see folks add their own definitions to this list.

    OOPS

    • #5
  6. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    it is theft, you thief! 

    Hahahahaha!!!! You crack me up.

    • #6
  7. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    Sexual Harassment: Advances made by ugly men you don’t want.

    • #7
  8. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Well done, Jose! I love it!

    • #8
  9. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Equality: Taking money and opportunity earned by other people and giving them to people who didn’t earn them. If it also happens to buy votes, either through favoritism or relief of guilt, that’s just a happy accident.

    • #9
  10. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    Picking nits on an excellent list: not all affirmative action beneficiaries are wealthy and connected–some are minorities who are as poor and “unconnected” as the whites whom they’ve supplanted. (?)

    • #10
  11. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Misogynist: A person who doesn’t believe that taxpayer-funded abortions are a constitutional right.

    • #11
  12. Typical Anomaly Inactive
    Typical Anomaly
    @TypicalAnomaly

    3rd Wave Feminism: A system of thought where a slight majority of the population is cast as an oppressed minority and its membership has been convinced it can go anywhere anytime under any conditions and get whatever they want. If anything bad happens, they already know who the guilty Patriarchy is. But don’t worry, they don’t treat the Patriarchy as the “Other” because that wouldn’t be inclusive.

     

    And under SJW, you left out any reference to social media.  #itswhattheydo

    • #12
  13. Typical Anomaly Inactive
    Typical Anomaly
    @TypicalAnomaly

    Updates in italics:

    Carbon Offset: The result of science by consensus where a putative factual condition is remedied by a faith-based practice.   Penance for confessed carbon excess is paid by well-connected CO2 sinners in order to receive indulgences from the high church of Climate Change. The actual effectiveness of the penance is unknown and is not subjected to measurement. Because science, and stuff. 

    • #13
  14. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):
    Misogynist: A person who doesn’t believe that taxpayer-funded abortions are a constitutional right.

    And taxpayer funded birth control.

    • #14
  15. cdor Member
    cdor
    @cdor

    It’s for the children…

    A catch all phrase designed to end any discussion of the appropriateness of raising taxes.

    Love the post @josepluma!

    • #15
  16. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    Nazi, Bigot, Fascist: Anyone who doesn’t agree with me.

    • #16
  17. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    Neanderthal: Any one who hasn’t immediately fully subscribed to the latest version of Liberal Orthodoxy including the ever changing and even unintelligible nuances proclaimed by those enlightened few who are woke. Especially Men or Conservatives.

    • #17
  18. Cato Rand Inactive
    Cato Rand
    @CatoRand

    Brilliant!

     

    • #18
  19. Glenn Inactive
    Glenn
    @Glenn

    Revenues – Taxes

    Not Paying their Fair Share -anyone who earns 1$ more than the person making this claim

    Bill of Rights – very important when a GOP is in control of the executtive branch, ignored otherwise

     

     

     

     

    • #19
  20. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    I think Bierce would approve.

    • #20
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