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Affirmative Action: A way to give admissions and hiring preference to wealthy and connected members of favored minorities at the expense of unfavored minorities.
Alt Right: A small group of internet trolls who have embraced the Liberal media caricature of conservatives. See also White Supremacists.
Antifa: A secretive society whose members wear black hoods and masks. Their main activities appear to be attacking people on the street, destroying property and fighting with the police. The name has something to do with Fascism.
Black Lives Matter: An organization championing the lives of African Americans killed by the police while ignoring African Americans killed by other African Americans, drug overdoses, diabetes, heart disease, or abortionists.
Business Regulations: A method by which the government supports large established businesses over smaller competitors who don’t have the resources to hire lawyers and accountants to ensure compliance or lobbyists to influence the process.
Carbon Offset: Penance paid by wealthy sinners in order to receive indulgences from the high church of Climate Change.
Climate Change: The current religious dogma of the primary faith of the liberal elite. Recently changed so that it can be conveniently applied to any weather event.
Code Words: A phrase that means the speaker has no response to your arguments. Instead, they provide their own meanings to some of your words and phases, and then argue against those meanings. (Ed. note: Which seems to apply to this entire post.) See also Dog Whistle.
Common-sense Gun Control: A proposed governmental response to a horrific incident that has one or more of the following attributes:
- It is based on laws or regulations already in place.
- It has no bearing on any of the devices used in the incident.
- It is impossible to enact or enforce.
Cultural Appropriation: While you may appreciate folk art or music from another culture, don’t try to incorporate it into your own work. Even if you do it in a respectful manner, it is theft. Even though it may have been adapted from yet another culture, is not copyrighted, is not illegal, is not owned by any individual, and is not harming anyone physically or financially, you are stealing, it is theft, you thief! Also, you cannot wear jewelry, makeup, or clothing that is popular with a culture other than your own, even if you have paid someone from that culture for the items.
Denier: A heathen who has not accepted the received word or a heretic from the dogma of Climate Change.
Diversity: A way for bureaucrats to force businesses and universities to hire or admit people based on traits other than ability. Originally based on race and gender, but now based on such esoteric qualities (religion, culture, sexual orientation) that widespread fraud is inevitable.
Fascist: See Nazi.
Feminist: A woman without any sense of humor who has no understanding of subtlety, irony, or human nature. She therefore thinks she has perfect knowledge of the interactions between men and women. Also, a man who thinks he can get more sex by pretending to agree with humorless women.
Global Warming: The former religious dogma of the primary faith of liberal elite. Recently changed when the globe turned out not to be warming quite as fast as prophesied.
Ku Klux Klan: An openly racist Democrat organization that has fallen out of favor with the rest of the party, but whose every proclamation and action is publicized by the Democrat media. Noted for their elaborate costumes and absurd titles.
Law: A governmental solution to every problem, even though it may be selectively obeyed and enforced.
Nazi: See Racist.
Neo-Conservative: An epithet you can use against Jews without being labeled anti-Semitic. See also Zionist and Israeli.
Privilege: A way to attack someone for their race and gender that is in no way racist or sexist, no siree.
Racist: An epithet that means the user has no rejoinder to your arguments and is trying to shut off debate by reverting by name-calling.
Regulation: A government solution to every problem, but without that messy “needs to be passed by Congress and signed by the President” nonsense. May also be selectively enforced.
Republicans: A political organization that is responsible for all the things going wrong in the country despite the fact that its members are squabbling disunified incompetents. Also called Fascist, because squabbling, disunity, and incompetence are the hallmarks of Fascist organizations.
The Science Is Settled: A phrase meaning the speaker has no knowledge of the scientific method.
Socialism: An economic system with great popularity despite the fact that it has failed in every country that has tried it. According to its most rabid adherents, it has never been properly instituted. This means that it is either impossible to create a proper socialist system or socialists are totally incompetent. Of course, both may be true.
Social Justice: A vague term that means whatever is in vogue with liberals this week.
Social Justice Warrior: A condescending scold who thinks they make the world better by half-informed nattering about the latest liberal cause célèbre. Noted for their absurd costumes and elaborate titles.
Tolerance: A willingness to be open-minded about the choices, culture, and lifestyle of another person, as long as they are not conservative. The first step in the tolerance-acceptance-celebration-subsidization continuum.
Transgender: A confused, depressed person with a propensity for suicide who, after extensive counseling by well-paid mental health professionals and genital mutilation conducted by well-paid surgeons, becomes a confused, depressed person with a propensity for suicide.
Woke: A blissful, dreamlike state where all liberal biases are confirmed and no prejudices are challenged.
With apologies to Jonah Goldberg and Ambrose Bierce, who, after all, may still be out there somewhere.Published in