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Slogging Through the Political Muck of Grief
After reading Claire Berlinski’s long-awaited post, I resonated with much of what she said. From a time perspective, however, I’m probably farther ahead in my grieving process. I’m not going to describe a traditional “grief” model in this OP; those models are always tidy and reasonable, reassuring us that there is an end to our anger, perplexity and sadness. My issue with grief, though, is that it is ugly and inconsistent; it is unique for each person in its duration, in its depth, and in its stages. For those of you who are looking for a linear approach to grief regarding the political process, hoping there is a beginning and an end, I can’t help you. I can only illustrate that it is messy, unpredictable, and most importantly normal.
I’ve avoided talking about the elections and Trump directly, for the most part. I didn’t want to inflame the passions, create enemies or discount the feelings of others. I will finally confess that I didn’t want Trump for President, so much so that I didn’t vote in this last election. There. I said it. For those of you who say it was a vote for Hillary, so be it. For me it was a protest, a rebellion that was emotional, resolute, yet principled (from my perspective). As unrealistic as it might have seemed to many of you, I mourned the loss of elevating and expecting the values of truth, honor, and dignity from our government and its representatives.
Is my grief about Trump? To some degree. Although many people minimize his buffoonery and immaturity, those attributes are consequential for me. That said, I can also hold the premise that he is the President, that he is initiating some productive ideas, is dedicated to meeting his campaign promises, and to helping this country. The problem for many people is that they can’t live with this paradox: repulsion and support. Part of my grieving process is to learn how to accept all of it, just as it is, because I cannot change it. And one thing I know for certain is that whatever is going on, it will change.
My grief is also about this country. We talk about the ugliness on college campuses, the despicable behavior of the media and the pathetic behavior of the left. It’s hard not to get stuck in hopelessness. Except that paradoxically, we can all be certain that this will, again, all change. It could get worse, but it could also get better; I’m sure many of us look for signs that it is getting better, or even that it will get better.
The key to traversing the muck of grief, for me, is to recognize precisely where I am, at any given moment. I know that I am journeying through ugliness and that we are a country that has been through terrible times — wars, assassinations, and economic disasters. And we have survived, even thrived through the worst of it. As I slog through moments of anger, sadness, denial, resignation and anger again, I keep remembering that in spite of everything, we as a country and as a people have emerged stronger and more resolute. We can strive for the positive and let go of the past, appreciating that we live in the greatest country in the world.
We are still that shining city on the hill.
Published in Politics
This.
Although I’ve never been much of a fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald, I’ve never quarreled with his statement that, it is occasionally necessary “to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” Those two opposed ideas may point in different directions, depending on which side you’re on, but retaining the ability to function, and to be able to do so humanely and civilly, is key.
I did, because I knew he had trained at an Alinskyist organization and knew what that entailed. Remember how he got into his Ill. senate seat… somehow the sealed divorce documents of his opponent were made public causing a loss of support.
I love the North Carolina state motto: Esse Quam Videri, “To be rather than to seem.”
Very nice essay Susan.
Claire needs to renounce her citizenship to America and become a citizen of France. She has been gone from America way too long. If she wants to opine come back here and do more than observe like a sociologist.
Love all of what you say. Especially the above. I heard that listening today, too. It’s gotten notably worse now that Trump is in. And on my figuring out Obama, maybe that was pure luck. Other times I mess up.
I just hope some poor goat didn’t have to endure all that! ;-)
One beautiful thing about being American is that we can say whatever we wish. If people don’t like what @Claire has to say, they don’t have to read her. Although I do think a return visit for a while would be helpful.
Trump did create any one that it has been here for a very long time. So, perhaps there is a chance now to deal with some of the ugliness around us. Obama worked to make it worse, that is what is at the core of community organizers and Hillary wouldn’t of done anything about it.
The turmoil on the left that is rearing it’s ugly head even more these days is making those people who pay little to no attention to politics seem to be sitting up and taking notice and for once we have someone pushing back and saying grow up, get over yourselves and by the way if you want to work with me I am busy over here and could use your help making some of your wishlist come true.
But then we saw how that was received, stony silence from the democrat side of the aisle last week.
I read the Claire comments before coming and commenting here…
I am a Trump supporter who has had moments of grieving even after the election. My grief isn’t related to Trump. He assuages my grief.
I have been close to tears when reading leading conservative views about the white America Trump appealed to.
I have felt grief over the censorship of the claim white people have a right to exist, for I am white with white children and I remember someone shooting a toddler in the face while his mother pushed him in a stroller on the street and the sentiments expressed by BLM who were vaunted by our illustrious former president. (The child was hispanic, but our reigning definition is “white hispanic”)
I have my moments.
I’m confused. Does anyone here on Ricochet argue that white people don’t have a right to exist?
This, too, CM. This is also part of my grief. What has happened to this country?
Tom, I think CM is talking about the Left and the media. These are horrible accusations that we have to live with. People who believe that white people have a right to exist are being blasted by those on the left who think the Right–the rich, white, privileged group–are deplorable. Ah yes, deplorable.
Amen, amen, amen.
I like your handle. Dad Dog. It says it all. I like mine better, but yours is a very close second. As a Dad and a Dog lover, you get a thumbs-up from me!
My opinion of Mr. Trump during the primary was just about what Claire expresses, I didn’t like or trust him mostly because of the way he attacked the other candidates and his seeming inability to communicate coherently. I also didn’t think he could be trusted to do the things he was promising as he had never established a record of supporting conservative ideals and didn’t seem to have a good grasp of constitutional republicanism.
However, since his inauguration his actions, especially his nominations, have been consistently good from my Conservatarian viewpoint. I am always more attentive to actions than words so I give him credit for what he has done, minus most of his tweets which I mostly find deplorable. On balance I’m more pleased than not and am hopeful he will continue to do more good than harm. I’ve learned a lot from Claire’s books and appreciate her hard work researching and writing about important subjects and events. But I do wish she could see some good in a very flawed President. I think it may be time to abandon the “Abandon all Hope, ye who enter here.” approach. This President is far from perfect, as am I, but I’ll take any and all steps in the right direction we can get even from a flawed actor.
Three words jump out of your post: buffoonery, immaturity, repulsion.
If a buffoon is somebody who is mocked, surely that reflects more on the jeering crowd than on the object of the mockery. Jesus was mocked. Samson and Elisha were mocked. In all those cases, the laughter was “as the crackling of thorns under the pot”.
Immaturity? Really? A seventy year old paterfamilias with a successful business empire? None of the usual vices, booze, tobacco, gambling? A guy who slogged on through all the excrement that was lobbed at him during the campaign (and still is)?
No, it comes down to repulsion. There’s no reasoning with that. I guess you and the other “mourners” just can’t help it–any more than I can help feeling joy in our victory.
You have chosen to define the words I used narrowly as a way to criticize my use of them. It doesn’t work with me. So let’s take each one from definitions from Merriam-Webster. (You don’t have to like or agree with these):
Buffoon:
Immaturity:
[I would point to his name calling, such as “little Marco,” attacking the appearance of Carly Fiorina, and making things up, also known as lying.]
Repulsion:
a feeling of aversion
—-
So we can differ on our definitions, Hypatia. If you read my post carefully, you’ll see that I’m not so much mourning that Trump was elected, but that the country was in such a disastrous state, many people felt he was our only choice. I don’t have any desire to reduce your joy, anymore than you can alter my assessment of Trump. I can accept your assessment; it’s unfortunate that in spite of all the evidence regarding Trump’s behavior, you can’t respect mine. Fortunately we both hope he is successful.
Previously, I would have said you would be exaggerating but please read your facebook after Trump’s election. The utter hatred for rural Christian whites was naked and shocking. The utter contempt of one class for another was on complete display. It is quite unpleasant; but I have to agree with Old Bathos on this subject, I don’t believe that my eyes lie.
Thanks very much for clarifying, Hypatia. I did take it personally. And I appreciate your perspective. You help me to clarify for myself that it’s his unpredictability that concerns me. He has done good works, many of them, and certainly his unpredictability with the media warms my heart. But that same attribute makes me uneasy regarding what he will do for the country. I, too, think it’s time (as I’ve tried to emphasize in this OP) to move on: there are great dangers ahead. I want us to focus on the future, but I think we can also be sympathetic to each others’ experiences (at least those of us on the right!)
In this same spirit of reconciliation and mutual respect, kindly consider that an aura of “unpredictability” could be a good thing for the US. Omega had made it clear that we’d never do more than the oxymoronic (and moronic) “lead from behind”. About Israel ( a cause I know from your previous posts is dear to your heart) Omega had clearly signaled to its enemies that they had carte blanche to attack. I’m not unhappy if the rest of the world, even our complacent European “allies” (“dependents” is more like it, IMHO) get the message that there’s nothing we might not do.
But I guess you mean that your concern is that we, at home, don’t know what Trump is going to do next. This was usually couched during the campaign as a dire prediction that Trump would “impulsively” start a nuclear Armageddon.
My perspective on this is: the man has a great crowd of children and grandchildren, toward whom he seems well-disposed; thus, has a greater stake in the future than most of our recent leaders. That his business is real-estate based is also reassuring: he rebuilt Western Manhattan, you think he wants to see it nuked?
Again, this will not change your mind, I know…I’m just happy we can talk like this.
The left has been spiraling out of control since 2003. Obama shattered the country in order to advance a narrow partisan agenda.
The left (and some of the right) has lost all its marbles. The right as previously constituted could not exist in a country with the left as presently constituted. Like all social organisms the right had to adapt to its environment.
The past is dead, let the dead bury the dead.
One can grieve, but one has to accept the unfortunate necessity of the world in which we find ourselves and go about the unpleasant business that is now necessary.
I get the idea that Trump is Disney’s Beast. Obama is Gaston.
Obama, whose externalities meet all of our standards of decorum and decency, yet possesses within himself a rot of lies. Trump, with his hideous behavior and his bothersome character traits holds something in himself that exercises itself in his ultimate decisions.
I don’t believe Trump is anyone’s ‘savior’ and I would hope by now we aren’t looking for such a thing.
After 8 years of the self winding narcissist in charge telling everyone, particularly the right, they weren’t good enough for him, you get this election, a full frontal bar fight and the left made one really big mistake… they took the ‘average’ American for granted and believed, as Eric Holder told them, that Americans were cowards… that’s gonna get some chairs thrown.
So, for all the ‘principled’ discussions about how things should have gone, in a bar fight punch or get punched… the Dems had no problem with the concept but they didn’t count on Donald, who’s whole life has been a long bar fight.
I’ve written a short post about that topic.
Thank you Susan for this post. I live in the deep red state of Oklahoma and I was the odd Republican not supporting Trump. I did not support him or vote for him as I didn’t see him as a Conservative. Not in a kind of party purity test, but rather in the larger sense of me not being able to get past his antipathy toward free trade, his isolationism, his support of the LQBT agenda, his rather newly minted credentials on other issues like gun control and abortion. Never mind his personal foibles. So I could not cast my vote for him. But I certainly could never vote for a far left crooked hack like Hillary either, so I sat out.
What surprised me about the election was not only the result (Trump winning), but my reaction. With my attitude toward Trump I didn’t expect the elation I felt. The elation of Hillary losing. After measuring drapes, accepting resumes, setting appointments with realtors, etc, it was just fabulous to see her lose. Her winning would have gone a long way to pushing this country over the cliff in more ways than one. Trump won. And then I began to see his appointments and EO’s. He still does things that make me crazy, but with his faults he is clearly 1,000x better than HRC. I’m willing to give him a fair shot and simply call balls and strikes. The election ended #nevertrump for me.
An eloquent response, John. These times are so unpredictable that we can’t even anticipate our own responses to events. I’m pretty much in your court. Let’s see what happens. Thanks.
Big world we live in. I remember how often you heard among lefties that Donald Trump wanted to put homosexuals in a camp.