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Exclusive — Jon Gabriel Plans to Skip CPAC, Pre-Eminent Conservative Gathering, in 2016
MESA, ARIZ. — Beloved Editor-in-Chief Jon Gabriel plans to snub the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) this year, and won’t show up at all, Ricochet.com has learned exclusively.
CPAC is hosted by the American Conservative Union (ACU) in National Harbor, Maryland, just outside Washington, D.C. In 2016, the conference will be held right after Super Tuesday from March 2 until March 5. Because DC is just lovely in the dead of winter.
That Gabriel is skipping the pre-eminent annual conservative gathering of thousands of activists in a presidential election year is extraordinarily telling about the direction of his career as management desperately sings his praises in a last-ditch bid to help Ricochet get 10,000 members.
Ricochet stalwarts James of England and 6foot2InHighHeels, as well as shadowy Daily Shot writer Fred Cole, have previously confirmed their attendance at CPAC this year — and each has attended the gathering in previous years. Gabriel has never attended — not even the 2013 CPAC alongside his mentor, former Editor-in-Chief and giraffe enthusiast Troy Senik.
ACU chairman Matt Schlapp noted how important this year is for conservative activists.
“This is the year of the conservative grassroots activist,” Schlapp said. “We need to restore and protect our Constitutional freedoms and put a stop to Obama’s liberal run-away train. Hugh Hewitt of Townhall, Ed Morrissey of Hot Air, and Leon Wolf of Red State are each battling to represent conservatives in the website wars, and CPAC 2016 will allow activists to hear their vision. But will Jon be there? Nooooo! He’s too special!”
What’s perhaps most troubling for Gabriel is that this so-called “editor” has been pushing a theme blending politics and pop culture as though he is the next in line to carry the mantle of Andrew Breitbart’s legacy. As if. But his decision to abdicate the one true conservative faith by skipping this seminal conference comes as his record falls under close scrutiny from both Rob Long and Peter Robinson who wonder why he made the decision in 2015 to spend Ricochet’s entire technology budget on plastic-jug whiskey and rare ’80s post-punk LPs.
“Look, you try editing The Daily Shot at 11:30 every night without a tumbler or two of Sam’s Club bourbon,” Jon slurred before passing out.
What’s more, this comes as questions begin emerging about whether Gabriel can even draw eyeballs online, even with the entire Twitter #TCOT establishment behind him. Worse still, the Apache Junction Picayune-Intelligencer on Monday detailed how Gabriel doesn’t pull overgrown weeds from his front yard and lives on a diet of cheese enchiladas and deer jerky.
When asked why Gabriel is skipping CPAC, Ricochet’s long-suffering podcast producer Blue Yeti replied via instant message, “It’s not even noon, he’s still asleep. Now quit bothering me on Slack, I’m trying to record the latest Uncommon Knowledge.”
In less important news, some senator might not attend, but his spokesman wouldn’t confirm.
Published in Humor
I and the rest of the Ricochetoisie will be waiting for your report with bated breath!
Eek. If CPAC is considered inside baseball, the MNC must be considered inside curling.
Even Mark Steyn is passing us over this year. The biggest international names coming are Kevin O’Leary and Jim DeMint.
Cough.
(Past years’ notables have included folk like Nigel Farage, Bill Whittle, and Australia’s John Howard. I guess we’re less of a draw after losing an election.)
How can we even be sure that’s a picture of Jon Gabriel. It could be anyone. Doesn’t look like the Jon Gabriel I know.
Of course, in order to get banned from CPAC, you have commit some act of moral turpitude.
My favorite part of Ricochet is all of the conservative healing that has occurred.
Is that offer open to anyone?
If any of you do go, you would likely want to also attend the Ricochet Meetup that 6foot2inhighheels is hosting.
I drink Scotch, and am arriving on Tuesday ;)