9 Medical Facts You Didn’t Know about Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-09-15 at 4.55.41 PMDonald Trump enjoys inordinately beautiful health according to a recent statement made by his doctor. So beautiful, in fact, that only North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un seems to rival The Donald in physical robustness. Both men’s doctors are unequivocal in describing their respective patient’s health, using such terms as “astonishingly excellent,” “extraordinary,” and “the strength of ten men.”

Below are nine statements released by doctors of either Donald Trump or North Korea’s supreme leader. Can guess which statement describes which political strongman?

  1. “…has had a recent medical examination that showed only positive results.”
  2. “He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.”
  3. “… drinks $750,000 worth of cognac a year and rice of perfectly uniform size.”
  4. “…his blood pressure and laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.”
  5. “His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.”
  6. “…possesses the physical agility necessary to protect socialist ideals from the Yankee menace.”
  7. “His cardiovascular status is excellent.”
  8. “…takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of a statin.”
  9. “…takes 3 Swedish prostitutes nightly and a highball of Jack and Coke.”
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  1. Sash Member
    Sash
    @Sash

    I saw that medical report, and I thought it was from the Onion.

    And in a way, it is terrifying that this is the information we can expect if he becomes President.

    If not for Hillary’s record of dishonesty, I would be very afraid of Trump.  But with the choice between Hillary and Trump, it really isn’t even a choice.  Hillary is a known danger to us all.

    So far Trump is only a theoretical danger.

    I hope the future will forgive me if I vote for Trump, he wins, and then turns dictator.  They simply must be told the choices.  A vote for Trump will not make sense, unless you know who Hillary Clinton is and why we can’t allow her to take over!

    This is a terrible mess.  Without Obama’s incompetence we would not be in this mess.

    • #31
  2. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    I don’t find Trump’s medical history/report anymore ludicrous than Obama’s intellect / school records. Trump will be the healthiest POTUS ever, Obama is the smartest POTUS ever. Just more political lies for the rubes.

    • #32
  3. Eugene Kriegsmann Member
    Eugene Kriegsmann
    @EugeneKriegsmann

    I read Trump’s “doctor’s report” a couple of days ago. It was pointed out by the commentator who read it that there was a remarkable similarity between the “doctor’s” language and the words Trump uses so often to describe himself. It was also pointed out that the alleged doctor who signed the report was dead, and that Trump’s actual doctor was the dead doctor’s son.

    All I can get from this bit of theater of the absurd is that Trump has about as much respect for the voting public as Kim has for the Norks. That he would put out a document with as little credibility as anything that King Barack has demonstrates his complete distain for the intelligence of the American people. Trump may truly be the incarnation of P.T. Barnum.

    • #33
  4. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    Ryan – He’s visiting a lubricant factory. There’s a wider shot of an employee standing next to him that’s even better. Suffice to say that the employee does not look as thrilled as Kim Jong-un. EDIT: I hope we’ve made it clear he’s visiting a lubricant factory.

    • #34
  5. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    1967mustangman:Wow do you guys not know about the internet meme of the Kim family members “looking at things” Papa Kim had his own tumbler and does Baby Kim.

    As one who has followed several politicians around with a camera as part of my jobs, this phenomenon is by no means limited to North Korean dictators.

    Heck, often I wish I could get them to do something as visually interesting as “looking at something”. I have way too many nearly identical photos of politicians standing behind nearly identical podiums (podia?) with their mouths half open.

    • #35
  6. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    DD,

    Why couldn’t we put the medical report to music?

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #36
  7. Autistic License Coolidge
    Autistic License
    @AutisticLicense

    MDs:  Is “yuge health” a thing in Medicine?  Is there a differential diagnosis between “astonishingly excellent” and “excellently astonishing?”  I just want to be sure of what we’re getting here.

    • #37
  8. barbara lydick Inactive
    barbara lydick
    @barbaralydick

    David Deeble:

    Still think it’s butterscotch (too light to be caramel…)

    • #38
  9. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    James Gawron:DD,

    Why couldn’t we put the medical report to music?

    Love it – especially how Marx is made to look disturbingly like Frederick Douglas.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #39
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