9 Medical Facts You Didn’t Know about Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-09-15 at 4.55.41 PMDonald Trump enjoys inordinately beautiful health according to a recent statement made by his doctor. So beautiful, in fact, that only North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un seems to rival The Donald in physical robustness. Both men’s doctors are unequivocal in describing their respective patient’s health, using such terms as “astonishingly excellent,” “extraordinary,” and “the strength of ten men.”

Below are nine statements released by doctors of either Donald Trump or North Korea’s supreme leader. Can guess which statement describes which political strongman?

  1. “…has had a recent medical examination that showed only positive results.”
  2. “He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.”
  3. “… drinks $750,000 worth of cognac a year and rice of perfectly uniform size.”
  4. “…his blood pressure and laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.”
  5. “His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.”
  6. “…possesses the physical agility necessary to protect socialist ideals from the Yankee menace.”
  7. “His cardiovascular status is excellent.”
  8. “…takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of a statin.”
  9. “…takes 3 Swedish prostitutes nightly and a highball of Jack and Coke.”
Published in Humor
Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Join Ricochet for Free.

There are 39 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    7BCsLQW

    • #1
  2. livingthehighlife Inactive
    livingthehighlife
    @livingthehighlife

    I bet Kim Jung-Il was a better golfer than Trump is.

    • #2
  3. Quinn the Eskimo Member
    Quinn the Eskimo
    @

    David Deeble: 6: “… possesses the physical agility necessary to protect socialist ideals from the Yankee menace.”

    I hope this is Kim, but some days, I worry…

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    David Deeble: 10: “… takes 3 Swedish prostitutes nightly and a highball of Jack and Coke.”

    Hey! How did that wind up in there. That’s from my doctor’s report!

    • #4
  5. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Facilitates the transition to sleep…

    • #5
  6. Quinn the Eskimo Member
    Quinn the Eskimo
    @

    David Deeble: 3: “… drinks $750,000 worth of cognac year and rice of perfectly uniform size.”

    I suspect the rice is measured for uniformity by the same guy who removed all of the brown M&Ms from the candy dish at Van Halen concerts.

    • #6
  7. Drusus Inactive
    Drusus
    @Drusus

    [Snarky post now rendered pointless after editing OP. Now redacted for asinine knit-picking, possibly while under the influence, but I’ll leave it to Jennifer to say for sure.]

    • #7
  8. Titus Techera Contributor
    Titus Techera
    @TitusTechera

    I love the use of strongman at the end. Cue rimshot-

    • #8
  9. Ryan M Inactive
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    • #9
  10. Hank Rhody Contributor
    Hank Rhody
    @HankRhody

    David Deeble: 2: “He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.”
    3: “… drinks $750,000 worth of cognac year and rice of perfectly uniform size.”

    I guessed Kim Jong Un on both of those. After I read three I considered going back and changing 2, but no, the DPRK media could have released both statements in the same paragraph without wincing.

    • #10
  11. Hank Rhody Contributor
    Hank Rhody
    @HankRhody

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    Wondering that myself.

    • #11
  12. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    #6 is a push. Which one is the more ardent socialist?

    • #12
  13. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    It’s in a lubricant factory.

    • #13
  14. Scott Wilmot Member
    Scott Wilmot
    @ScottWilmot

    Ryan M: What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    That is his Uncle.

    • #14
  15. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Actually, I believe that the original caption indicated that Kim was touring a frozen orange juice factory. Where the Norks got oranges is anybody’s guess.

    • #15
  16. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Scott Wilmot:

    Ryan M: What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    That is was his Uncle.

    Fixed that for you.

    • #16
  17. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Chonji Lubricant Factory.

    • #17
  18. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Arahant:

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    It’s in a lubricant factory.

    “Now that we’ve broken free from the capitalist West’s imperialist monopoly on lubricants, nothing can stop us!!!”

    • #18
  19. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Misthiocracy:

    Arahant:

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    It’s in a lubricant factory.

    “Now that we’ve broken free from the capitalist West’s imperialist monopoly on lubricants, nothing can stop us!!!”

    Yep, just a fast, downhill slide from there.

    • #19
  20. Scott Wilmot Member
    Scott Wilmot
    @ScottWilmot

    Arahant: It’s in a lubricant factory.

    Arahant: Chonji Lubricant Factory.

    What isn’t shown in the picture is DocJay’s wood-chipper so I’ll stick with my Uncle theory since the article to which you linked said:

    North Korea’s propaganda might be its one and only world-class export.

    And since I learned you are a persnickety writer, thanks for fixing my comment #14.

    • #20
  21. Richard Fulmer Inactive
    Richard Fulmer
    @RichardFulmer

    Trump has no idea how his health is now, but if he wins the presidency, he’ll know more about his health than anyone in the world and it will be great.

    • #21
  22. barbara lydick Inactive
    barbara lydick
    @barbaralydick

    Ryan M: What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    From the smile on his face, it appears to be his helping of butterscotch for his bowl of ice cream.

    • #22
  23. Hank Rhody Contributor
    Hank Rhody
    @HankRhody

    Arahant:

    Misthiocracy:

    Arahant:

    Ryan M:What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?

    It’s in a lubricant factory.

    “Now that we’ve broken free from the capitalist West’s imperialist monopoly on lubricants, nothing can stop us!!!”

    Yep, just a fast, downhill slide from there.

    This is one of those slippery slopes I’ve heard so much about? Possibly from all the lubricant?

    • #23
  24. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    After sending off Trump’s medical report, his doctor is reported to have said, “Darn it, I forgot to mention that Mr. Trump has the classiest prostate I’ve ever examined.”

    • #24
  25. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    DD,

    What can one say. Why it’s almost life like.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #25
  26. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Arahant:Chonji Lubricant Factory.

    Yep.

    Maybe the caption I’m “remembering” is one I wrote in my head.

    • #26
  27. Eric Wallace Inactive
    Eric Wallace
    @EricWallace

    Edit: Nevermind – guess it really was lube! Boy, he seems excited. As if it’s the solution he’s been waiting for all these years . . .

    • #27
  28. Eric Wallace Inactive
    Eric Wallace
    @EricWallace

    barbara lydick:

    From the smile on his face, it appears to be his helping of butterscotch for his bowl of ice cream.

    Is there any word here that is not innuendo? That’s truly an achievement. I mean, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing!

    • #28
  29. 1967mustangman Inactive
    1967mustangman
    @1967mustangman

    Wow do you guys not know about the internet meme of the Kim family members “looking at things”  Papa Kim had his own tumbler and does Baby Kim.

    • #29
  30. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Randy Weivoda:After sending off Trump’s medical report, his doctor is reported to have said, “Darn it, I forgot to mention that Mr. Trump has the classiest prostate I’ve ever examined.”

    Well, the report did mention his low PSA level.

    • #30
Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.