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9 Medical Facts You Didn’t Know about Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un
Donald Trump enjoys inordinately beautiful health according to a recent statement made by his doctor. So beautiful, in fact, that only North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un seems to rival The Donald in physical robustness. Both men’s doctors are unequivocal in describing their respective patient’s health, using such terms as “astonishingly excellent,” “extraordinary,” and “the strength of ten men.”
Below are nine statements released by doctors of either Donald Trump or North Korea’s supreme leader. Can guess which statement describes which political strongman?
- “…has had a recent medical examination that showed only positive results.”
- “He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.”
- “… drinks $750,000 worth of cognac a year and rice of perfectly uniform size.”
- “…his blood pressure and laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.”
- “His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.”
- “…possesses the physical agility necessary to protect socialist ideals from the Yankee menace.”
- “His cardiovascular status is excellent.”
- “…takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of a statin.”
- “…takes 3 Swedish prostitutes nightly and a highball of Jack and Coke.”
I bet Kim Jung-Il was a better golfer than Trump is.
I hope this is Kim, but some days, I worry…
Hey! How did that wind up in there. That’s from my doctor’s report!
Facilitates the transition to sleep…
I suspect the rice is measured for uniformity by the same guy who removed all of the brown M&Ms from the candy dish at Van Halen concerts.
[Snarky post now rendered pointless after editing OP. Now redacted for asinine knit-picking, possibly while under the influence, but I’ll leave it to Jennifer to say for sure.]
I love the use of strongman at the end. Cue rimshot-
What exactly is Kim doing in that picture?
I guessed Kim Jong Un on both of those. After I read three I considered going back and changing 2, but no, the DPRK media could have released both statements in the same paragraph without wincing.
Wondering that myself.
#6 is a push. Which one is the more ardent socialist?
It’s in a lubricant factory.
That is his Uncle.
Actually, I believe that the original caption indicated that Kim was touring a frozen orange juice factory. Where the Norks got oranges is anybody’s guess.
Fixed that for you.
Chonji Lubricant Factory.
“Now that we’ve broken free from the capitalist West’s imperialist monopoly on lubricants, nothing can stop us!!!”
Yep, just a fast, downhill slide from there.
What isn’t shown in the picture is DocJay’s wood-chipper so I’ll stick with my Uncle theory since the article to which you linked said:
And since I learned you are a persnickety writer, thanks for fixing my comment #14.
Trump has no idea how his health is now, but if he wins the presidency, he’ll know more about his health than anyone in the world and it will be great.
From the smile on his face, it appears to be his helping of butterscotch for his bowl of ice cream.
This is one of those slippery slopes I’ve heard so much about? Possibly from all the lubricant?
After sending off Trump’s medical report, his doctor is reported to have said, “Darn it, I forgot to mention that Mr. Trump has the classiest prostate I’ve ever examined.”
DD,
What can one say. Why it’s almost life like.
Regards,
Jim
Yep.
Maybe the caption I’m “remembering” is one I wrote in my head.
Edit: Nevermind – guess it really was lube! Boy, he seems excited. As if it’s the solution he’s been waiting for all these years . . .
Is there any word here that is not innuendo? That’s truly an achievement. I mean, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing!
Wow do you guys not know about the internet meme of the Kim family members “looking at things” Papa Kim had his own tumbler and does Baby Kim.
Well, the report did mention his low PSA level.