Hillary Clinton Tries to Be Cool, Part CDXLVII

 

Hip, with-it grandma Hillary Clinton is jes’ “keepin’ it real” with the homeboys and flygirls out there on this thang we call the information cyberhighway. She knows these switched-on millennials aren’t down with dusty old books, charts, and the English language. Kids today talk in emojis when they’re on their iPad phones, Googly Androids, and what not. So why not ask the li’l shavers to dish on the bad trip they’re getting from those mean ol’ student loans. If they reply in emojis, it’ll be fun — not to mention viral, sticky and buzzworthy — at least that’s what Clinton’s Assistant Vice Chancellor of Youth Outreach and Popular Culture told her in that fax last month.

Hillary learned exactly the wrong lesson from her defeat in 2008: She wants to run a campaign identical to the one Barack Obama beat her with seven years ago. Obama had a one-letter, red and blue logo; so she needs a one-letter, red and blue logo:

Obama_Hillary_Logo

Obama created a creepy secular icon; she needs a creepy secular icon:

Obama_Hillary_poster

Obama surrounded himself with Kardashians; she’ll surround herself with Kardashians:

kimklovesobama

And since Obama 2008 used social media to appeal to young voters, Hillary will follow his playbook there as well.

How hip! How innovative! How counterproductive:

Clinton on Monday announced plans dubbed “the new college compact” to commit $350 billion over the next 10 years to make college more affordable, if elected president. Then, she took to Twitter to ask people to use emoji to describe their feelings about student loan debt…

[H]er tweet seems to have backfired among most people on Twitter. Some noted that using sad faces, cats with heart eyes and skulls may not be the most ideal way to communicate about a serious and complicated issue.

The few who responded in emoji often turned to NSFW arrangements referencing bodily waste and sexual acts impossible without the use of double-joints and a safety harness. The millennials responding in English were even less supportive.

It never crosses Hillary’s mind that she isn’t Barack Obama. That presidential candidate, especially when compared to John McCain and Clinton herself, was cool. A young, urbane, relaxed guy who millennials aspired to be. Hillary is the opposite of cool: secretive, brittle, and out-of-touch. Not only does no one aspire to be Ms. Clinton, they don’t even want to be around her.

A smart campaign plays to its candidate’s strengths. Obama couldn’t focus on his experience or ineffective policies, so he went with cool. Reagan stressed his optimism and conservatism. Nixon, his tough law-and-order history. To sell Hillary as cool is as foolish as selling Santorum as a libertarian or Rubio as a grizzled policy hand.

There is nothing less cool than desperately trying to act cool. So stop it, Hillary, and play to your strengths. Whatever those might be.

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  1. Big Ern Inactive
    Big Ern
    @BigErn

    how-do-you-do-fellow-kids

    • #31
  2. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Big Ern:how-do-you-do-fellow-kids

    Where can I get the tee-shirt?

    • #32
  3. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    Ryan M:Oh, but full disclosure… My student loans cost me $1500/mo and I’ll have my mortgage paid off before they stop. If Hillary vows to forgive them, I’m ditching this conservative popsicle stand! ;) (one emoji)

    Pay now or pay later.  Either you pay them as a student loan, or you pay them in higher taxes the rest of your life. TANSTAAFL….

    • #33
  4. Larry3435 Inactive
    Larry3435
    @Larry3435

    Another $350 billion into the pockets of over-priced and over-endowed colleges?  Good grief, no wonder everybody on every college campus is a raving leftist.  I’m pretty committed to the right, but for $350 billion, just tell me where to sign up for the Communist Party, comrade.

    • #34
  5. Claire Berlinski, Ed. Member
    Claire Berlinski, Ed.
    @Claire

    Ryan M:“Fewer” was the first thing that came to my mind, too.

    Well, on this one, I’d have to rule with Hillary.The admonition that writers shouldn’t use less for countable items is relatively new — it only dates from the 1700s. If we go back to King Alfred the Great, we can find solid support for “less” with countable nouns.

    As a conservative, I see no reason to reject the wisdom of 888. 

    • #35
  6. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    Betty WhiteShe needs to take another path to cool.

    • #36
  7. Songwriter Inactive
    Songwriter
    @user_19450

    Valiuth:Yes, she can’t be cool, but its not like they can just go with her actual personality, the Wicked Witch of the West is still under copyright.

    Comment of the week…

    • #37
  8. Ryan M Inactive
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    Claire Berlinski, Ed.:

    Ryan M:“Fewer” was the first thing that came to my mind, too.

    Well, on this one, I’d have to rule with Hillary.T

    It is one of those things that has always stuck in the “writing” part of my brain.  Like avoiding contractions when possible (without sounding pretentious) and not starting too many sentences with “it was.”

    • #38
  9. A42NT1 Member
    A42NT1
    @

    Western Chauvinist:Obama_Hillary_Logo

    IO!!

    Gooooooo Buckeyes!

    The first thing that popped into my mind after this was OH [CoC Redacted]

    • #39
  10. Man With the Axe Inactive
    Man With the Axe
    @ManWiththeAxe

    Larry3435:Another $350 billion into the pockets of over-priced and over-endowed colleges? Good grief, no wonder everybody on every college campus is a raving leftist. I’m pretty committed to the right, but for $350 billion, just tell me where to sign up for the Communist Party, comrade.

    The irony will hit those students hard when they retire to find that all the social security funds that they thought were in a lock-box were actually spent on their free college, which, as it also turns out, prepared them to do no more than flip burgers at a government-mandated wage of $15 per hour.

    • #40
  11. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Larry3435:Another $350 billion into the pockets of over-priced and over-endowed colleges? Good grief, no wonder everybody on every college campus is a raving leftist. I’m pretty committed to the right, but for $350 billion, just tell me where to sign up for the Communist Party, comrade.

    And they all have YUUUGE construction projects in process. We’ve visited 14 colleges (toured 10) this month. There must be hundreds of millions in construction (if not billions) going on across the country. Obviously what they need is more federal funding.

    • #41
  12. Trink Coolidge
    Trink
    @Trink

    Western Chauvinist:Obama_Hillary_Logo

    IO!!

    Gooooooo Buckeyes!

    Ahhahahahahhahaha!!! Perfect Western Chauvinist!! Wait’ll I show hubby :)

    • #42
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