Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
An Open Question to Christians
According to the BBC, the teenage children of a v
ictim of the Charleston church massacre, Sharonda Singleton, 45, said they have already forgiven their mother’s killer. ‘We already forgive him for what he’s done, and there’s nothing but love from our side of the family,” they said.
How does one find the ability to give forgiveness only hours after a loved one is murdered? Although I’m Jewish, I went to Catholic school in England. I learned that if one finds and accepts Jesus Christ, all is forgiven. I understand this aspect of Christian theology.
But this doesn’t feel right. Process the shock. Deal with the human emotion of anger and rage. Comprehend the loss.
I don’t understand. Would someone please explain? Would you be able to do the same?
Image: Stephen B. Morton, Associated Press
Published in General
It’s easier to forgive when you understand your own sin and God’s forgiveness. God has delayed judgement on mankind to offer mercy.
Another way to look at is that holding a grudge suggests God’s wrath is not enough. If the offender does not repent of his sins, God will see to it that justice is done. If he repents and trusts in Jesus for salvation, then holding that grudge would suggest that Christ’s suffering to pay the price for sin was not enough.
I don’t know if I would publicly declare forgiveness for someone who wasn’t looking for it, but maybe it provides a chance to share the Gospel.
Strike the “maybe” from the last line. I just read Jon’s thread where he provides this quote:
Rev. Anthony Thompson said, “I forgive you and my family forgives you, but we would like you to take this opportunity to repent. Repent. Confess. Give your life to the One who matters the most — Christ — so that He can change it; to change your ways no matter what happened to you and you’ll be okay.”
That is the way to do it. He doesn’t just say that he forgives. He explains that the killer can be forgiven by God.
I don’t understand. Would someone please explain? Would you be able to do the same?
I wonder what they were studying in the Bible at Mother Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church. From what I can tell, they knew Acts chapter 9 where Saul was breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He was making quite a sweep, even going to the high priest and asking for letters to the synagogues in Damascus so that if he found any there who belong to the “Way,” he might take them as prisoners. The rest of the chapter tells of how Saul became the Apostle Paul. You know the rest.
So, to your question, would I be able to do the same? I don’t feel like I could but I think I could make the decision to do so, acknowledging that it might be a daily fight for the rest of my life to forgive but why? Because the desire to be able to stand before the Lord of All Creation and to one day be accepted into His Kingdom, yes, I would decide to fight that fight. I would also acknowledge that Salvation is for all who come to Him because it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us. He alone is the One who makes us right with God the Father by a covenant He made with His own blood. This is the Gospel and it is profoundly incredible Good News.
Forgiveness is a choice and a process and a painful way to go. I don’t expect any of these fine people to quit hurting any time soon, if ever. Forgiveness is not the absence of pain—it is the conviction that the Creator is the judge.
I have a different take. While Christ asked for the Father to forgive his killers (us), he was also the one being killed. This makes the Charleston situation not quite comparable.
If it turns out that God doesn’t forgive the Charleston killer (for lack of contrition/repentance, for example, in which case the killer rejects God as an act of free will), does that make this family “holier” than God? It seems to me the theology behind automatic, universal forgiveness is flawed.
I am not advocating holding a grudge. I think God asks us to trust Him, even in the face of unbearable loss, anger, and grief. But, when Jesus tells us to forgive our brother 70 times 7? Well, that’s rather difficult to do when you’re dead. I think he’s referring to personal offenses short of that.
The notion of Christian forgiveness is not that one doesn’t feel emotions or struggle with anger. It is that when we are wronged, we recognize the depths of our own capacity for sin and the greatness of grace we have received from God, (see the Lord’s Prayer). On the basis of His great gift of forgiveness personally, we give up our right to revenge and trust His system of justice and mercy over our own, acknowledging that His omniscience and omnipotent is power and able to bring about the right results even if we can’t always understand them. It goes back to the basic premise of salvation, which is faith. When pastoral types counsel those who have gone through trauma and been terribly wronged like those at the church in Charleston, there is often a twofold thing going on: the first is to support those who are lost to respond rightly to sin even as we recognize that there is still a long process of full forgiveness ahead…as in every time one of the kids of the victims wishes their mom or dad was around. They will have to deal with anger and forgiveness for the rest of their lives at the most sacred moments when one would wish to have only joy…weddings, holidays, births…that is the beauty of forgiveness against real wrongs…the ravages of sin run so deep and wage such toxic power.
I am also guessing that the way this church is handling the situation is because there has already been a long dialogue going on with the pastors and parishioners about race and the need to transform the national pattern of how we handle it. I noticed that within hours of the news breaking, there were already pictures of groups praying together that were multi-racial…whites and blacks holding hands and mourning and praying. They are standing with those who have lost the most and supporting them to present a new way of handling this awful scourge in our country. It’s really beautiful…I’m so proud. And the truth is that their Christianly response is the fastest way to healing and transformation of the situation. From a psychological perspective, finding meaning in a tragedy and feeling empowered to do something noble and productive with the loss is one of the most powerful ways to respond for the long term health of the victims.
It’s also important to remember the supernatural side of this that non-Christians might not fully get if they haven’t understood the inner workings of the Christian faith. We believe that those nine people are already with Christ…far from the ravages of this world, awaiting the rest of us. This isn’t the end of the relationship…it’s just the end of the hardest parts of the relationship in a broken world. I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but there is real joy at memorial services because we really believe it…as if the family member or friend was on a long awaited trip to Hawaii or Paris only a thousand times more so. The sorrow, then, is all on our side for missing them. And finally, there is what Christians believe and experience to be the presence of God…a deep, rich, holy peace from the Spirit. He seems to come in special power during these times, often creating unity and sweet fellowship in ways that are almost like a change in the atmosphere. It is a factor a secular world does not know how to include into its calculations, but it is a very real one. And as millions pray for the church in Charleston, they will contribute to this overall goodness in the midst of tragedy. These are the gifts of the faith in a fallen world.
I think some states (not sure about South Carolina) require a jury for sentencing in capital cases.
First, Christ taught us to forgive others, as God has forgiven us.
Second, paraphrasing what AUMom said above:
At the beginning of the process, forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. The feeling only follows, often only after a long time. Christ calls us to choose to forgive, whether we feel like it or not.
I’ve often heard it said that forgiveness is not about them, it’s about us. Forgiveness is me choosing to give up my right to seek redress, vengeance, etc. The person who benefits the most from forgiving is the forgiver. (And what healing that brings; God knows what He is doing.)
Or perhaps its a mechanism against harboring destructive hatred and anger, which is one of the reasons we’re asked by God to be forgiving.
If their mother raised her kids to believe in Christian forgiveness, they are not only obeying God by doing so, they are honoring her memory by embodying the values she cherished.
Peggy Noonan observes the forgiveness http://blogs.wsj.com/peggynoonan/2015/06/19/a-bow-to-charleston/
Thank you all for the comments. While considering much of what has been written, I have learned a perspective that frankly, is somewhat of a paradigm shift.
I asked the OP same questions to a friend last night, and her response was “How anyone could forgive a murderer, especially only hours after he took their family member, is beyond me”.
My response surprised her. “What if their ‘forgiveness’ is for themselves, not the perpetrator. That the act of ‘forgiving’ is a proclamation to oneself to learn how to not carry the hate forever as that hate and desire for vengeance can be overpowering, cancerous. That ‘forgiveness’ isn’t suggesting that what the perpetrator did was now ok, but that his judgment is not up to them, only God. And what if they believe his suffering will be beyond what a community of his peers could ever decide for him, while alive; that his suffering will be eternal.”
You know that look your dog gives when you hide the treat behind your back? Wheels were spinning in her mind. As they still are in mine. A lot to think about.
Thanks everyone.
One thing I can say for sure: fury is corrosive to the furious, and if that fury is paired with the knowledge that its target is not deserving of it, and eventually turns inward—G-d help you.
“Let not the sun go down on your anger.” — Ephesians 4:26
Let me add one more thing AUMom and Dad Dog’s thoughts:
Each time you make the choice to forgive – and it’s not a one and done proposition – it lightens and eases the burden of sorrow, anger and bitterness. Each time you speak forgiveness and hand off the burden of justice to God, you receive relief. You begin in a place of needing to do this almost constantly, until the hurt lessens and you find yourself clinging less tightly to the sorrow. One day you realize that you have not pondered the injustice you have forgiven in a while and it’s reality does not rule your life and poison your relationships.
This is the true poison of unforgiveness – it does not hurt person you refuse to forgive – it hurts you. The path of unforgiveness is sorrow to anger to bitterness to hatred to murder. Unchecked unforgiveness turns you into the very thing you began hating.
That sounds like it could come from The Sphinx.
;-)
Western Chauv makes a good point—that you can forgive acts against yourself, but you don’t have standing to forgive acts committed against others.
In general, I agree—hence my reluctance to get into conversations about whether “we” can forgive Hitler.
However, when my husband died, the driver of the truck that struck his cruiser needed to know that he was forgiven—not by God, but by me. What was he asking me to forgive him for? Was it for depriving me of my husband or was it for depriving Drew of his life?
Either way, this was not a tough call. The driver of the truck was not soley responsible—Drew himself had also made a mistake. No one intended harm, no one was being sloppy let alone cruel, so forgiveness was pretty much a done deal as soon as I was given to understand the details of the accident. Since I knew Drew was a rational as well as a kind and forgiving man, I could confidently speak for him on this score.
Incidentally, having met the widows of murdered police officers, and other survivors of murder victims, I consider myself extremely lucky that the circumstances of Drew’s death allowed for such relatively easy, obvious, swift forgiveness.
What if Drew had been murdered? I don’t know.
I have known people who genuinely, honestly forgive even terrible acts committed against them with real grace. It’s impressive—and rare. More often, a person will declare forgiveness because someone has told them they must, in order to be a good Christian, or because they are hoping that forgiveness will serve as an anesthetic—“maybe if I’m really, really good, God will make this not hurt so much?”
Either way, changing your mind on forgiveness a few hours or days later feels really lousy, and complicates their suffering. This is why I usually find myself recommending patience—give it a little bit of time, just to let the situation clarify. For forgiveness to happen —with all its power and healing — the forgiver must know what it is he is forgiving the perpetrator for.
Let your mind be a safe neighborhood for all to walk through.
Incidentally, EThompson—I wasn’t suggesting that the Emmanuel folk were being either precipitate or disingenuous; they are clearly coming from a very different place, and I agree that they’ve probably been working on and talking about these issues (albeit without such tragic urgency) for a long while. “Practicing,” you might say, for the game they didn’t know they were going to have to play. But when the game came, they were ready.
I imagine it was helpful to both you and the driver that this wasn’t a malicious act of evil, for which the driver felt no remorse.
This is my point. I’m not so concerned with the therapeutic effects of being able to “forgive” your mother’s murderer. I’m just wondering where “repent and be saved” is in all of this. Where is the trust in and deference to God’s judgment (Judgment)? Where is “love your enemies?” It seems if you authentically love your enemy, you’re more concerned about the disposition of his soul than the benefits that accrue to you by being able to forgive and move on.
I’m not following this story in the media. The world is full of suffering and, frankly, I’m not equipped to deal with it all. But, I heard that one of the family members said he wasn’t ready to forgive, but he would pray for the killer. It seems to me that’s an authentic Christian response. Pray that he repents and thereby receive forgiveness from God. And then pray that you be given the grace to work out yourownsalvation.