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An Open Question to Christians
According to the BBC, the teenage children of a v
ictim of the Charleston church massacre, Sharonda Singleton, 45, said they have already forgiven their mother’s killer. ‘We already forgive him for what he’s done, and there’s nothing but love from our side of the family,” they said.
How does one find the ability to give forgiveness only hours after a loved one is murdered? Although I’m Jewish, I went to Catholic school in England. I learned that if one finds and accepts Jesus Christ, all is forgiven. I understand this aspect of Christian theology.
But this doesn’t feel right. Process the shock. Deal with the human emotion of anger and rage. Comprehend the loss.
I don’t understand. Would someone please explain? Would you be able to do the same?
Image: Stephen B. Morton, Associated Press
Published in General
Some believe that you keep doing it over and over until you get it right, that one soul may have thousands of lives.
I can’t speak for the incredibly brave people in that congregation setting the tone. I am a Christian and it is sometimes the only thing that makes sense – forgiveness – it releases the wronged as well as the wrong – but I agree, it is a process and sometimes very long, and very hard. I think the tone of leaders like Martin Luther King during the civil rights struggle was the best example of how to right a wrong – they showed so much restraint that it “heaped coals upon the heads” of the aggressors, and eventually changed laws.
The rioting and violence makes it worse. The store owners whose businesses were burned and trashed were multi-racial and suffered needlessly, not to mention the good members of law enforcement just trying to protect the community. The rioting also drew bad eggs like gangs from out of town who fueled the fire and brought their drugs. In Baltimore, they are still trying to clean up. I think this president could set a better tone, as well as black leaders. It’s moments like these where churches and clergy are greatly challenged, but reflect the love of God in the worst circumstances.
But not the folks we’re discussing here.
I’ve come across a Christian (or more, and Buddhists, too) who will quickly turn a talk about forgiveness into an earnest, dewy-eyed discussion of the forgivability of Hitler…while at the same time refusing, absolutely and permanently, to forgive a former husband for philandering. That’s one form of facile forgiveness—it’s mostly cosmetic, really. Forgiveness begins at home, with people who have actually harmed you. The churchgoers in Charleston definitely qualify—they, and they alone have the right to forgive or to refuse their forgiveness.
And yes, I have seen good Christians jump too quickly to forgiveness after a loved one was shot and killed. Within hours of the death, one family I know were declaring themselves not-angry, and not-vengeful…but then the investigation began, and it turned out that the shooter wasn’t just tired but actually drunk…and he wasn’t legally deer hunting, but shooting randomly at trees because he was mad at his wife…and meanwhile, the loss began to sink in, the an empty place at the supper table, the necessary call to the university registrar to let them know the lost daughter won’t be showing up in September after all and why, and the suddenly too-enormous decision about whether to wash the laundry she left in her hamper or just sit on the floor with it and weep…
I tend to counsel; wait a little. Wait until you know what you are forgiving this person for.
But I love what Midge has to say about it—that you can orient yourself toward forgiveness; toward trying to understand and love, and at least declare the faith that it will prove possible to one day forgive this human being for his or her human condition.
And I love how the city and churches of Charleston are responding. What a huge blessing. Big prayers of sympathy and support for all you Charlestonites!
There’s a lot of great explanations so far, but here’s the most basic:
Many passages discussing this:
http://www.openbible.info/topics/forgiveness
It’s a mystery, and hard to explain in rational terms. But we see God’s grace expressed in the lives of Sharonda Singleton’s family. Our prayers go out to them and theirs, and our gratitude for showing God’s grace so clearly.
A vow of forgiveness is a bit like a wedding vow: You pray to God you will keep it, knowing how many good-seeming people before you have faltered in the endeavor. But if you don’t commit to the vow, you’re just asking to falter.
Many conservatives rightly decry the modern tendency of treating marriage as a capstone of adulthood rather than a springboard to the rest of adult life. By pledging at the beginning of the adventure, we typically make it harder on ourselves to weasel out of it.
Kate, this covers a lot of ground in one comment. Thank you. I too found Midge and others’ answers enlightening.
Committing oneself to a ‘path of forgiveness’ (timing) sounds inline with the teachings of Christ while also a psychologically healthy approach.
Understood Basil… I am assuming the belief is the killers soul will serve in eternal damnation? Do we forgive that soul so we don’t carry the hate as we know they will be punished?
You don’t usually hate someone who has committed a trivial offence. Especially if you believe that the offence was part of God’s plan for you while here on earth.
Furthermore, there’s some amount of psychological/neurological study that suggests holding grudges and dwelling on trespasses is physically unhealthy and also unprofitable in a practical sense.
Some might argue that much (most?) of humanity’s hatred is, at the end of the day, about trivial (or non-existent) offenses.
That’s a really long time to hold a grudge.
Well, not if he genuinely accepts Christ between now and the day of his execution.
One might argue that to forgive the killer is to say that one hopes that will happen, while refusing to forgive the killer is to say that one hopes he never seeks God’s forgiveness.
Yes, but usually grudges are only held for a handful, maybe ten lifetimes at most before some reconciliation is found.
But not folks who believe that life is essentially a testing ground for belief in the afterlife.
I believe those folks try to avoid hating others for any offense, trivial or otherwise, real or otherwise.
To paraphrase George Carlin, “Two aeons? Pfft. I can do an aeon standing on my head!”
There’s a lot too this. If you’d be outraged at God for allowing so-and-so in heaven with you, that’s probably not forgiveness. (I mean, assuming you yourself get in.) In my experience, though, not being mad at God if so-and-so got to share heaven with you isn’t the whole of forgiveness, though.
One of the sons plays baseball for Charleston Southern. They are coping the way they know how. They don’t have to hope the killer gets the death penalty because enough of us will do that for them. The hard part will be seating an unbiased jury. I do not believe in moving trials to find one. A perp should face the community he attacked.
You mean like Christians?
I dunno. Who did you mean?
:-)
I read that he plead guilty. Is a jury still required in such cases?
Christians.
Oh gee, let’s continue to discourage this community from moving on and protecting what they’ve got. This lovely, hard-working congregation has no desire whatsoever to lose what they’ve striven for; they don’t live in Baltimore, Newark or Ferguson with nary a nickel to lose.
What you and the rest of the MSM have failed to realize is that the North Charlestonians have donuts and intact families and refuse to allow the masses to take that away from them.
“Forgiveness is tough, especially if someone you love hurts you so much… you want to forgive them, but you just can’t!”
So apparently Kristin Chenoweth’s first impulse is to want to forgive. She’s a considerably better Christian than I am (not that that’s hard).
Anyway, that quote is from this, which seems like a joyous thing to be able to offer against this horror, for both of you who haven’t seen it yet:
How can someone not forgive should be the question. it is really the only way to put something behind you without it festering.
I don’t think he has entered a formal plea…but he talked freely to police in NC.
Local coverage http://www.wistv.com/story/29362149/source-roof-talked-freely-on-video-while-in-police-custody
Forgiveness may seem difficult but it’s not as difficult as the alternative. You just have to do it, and keep doing it, until there’s not the tiniest trace of anything else left.
Really, looking at the hullabaloo, I find Midget Faded Rattlesnake to be correct. Unless they are holy men and women who walk the Earth, they are not at peace in their hearts with this man. But, to wait for perfect forgiveness to say, “I forgive you” is a fools errand and that day, that must come for their own forgiveness, will never arrive. So, they understand they must forgive him, for vengeance is not theirs and forgiving will not come without starting the process. Their faith says they will, with God’s help, one day they will forgive him.