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I Am a Victim
I am a victim of a hate crime. And it came in the mail:
You see, despite the fact that I had a birthday this week, I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.
Meanwhile, I’m dealing with the hurt and anger over this act of insensitivity at the hands of AARP aggressors, and contemplating legal action.
Published in Culture
I began to feel old about 5 years ago when I saw Valerie Bertinelli (who’s around my age) on the cover of an AARP magazine. Seems like only yesterday she was a teenager on “One Day at a Time.”
At least now I can get a discount at Denny’s.
I cram everything they send me into the postpaid return envelope. They dropped me very quickly from their mailing list.
On the other hand, I purposefully have not changed my voter registration from D to R so as to receive the D’s calls. I think I’ve converted a few callers and I’ve tormented the rest.
Worth it.
Curmudgeon. (Hey, he just turned 50!)
What did it stand for before he turned 50?
Seawriter
Hah!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tJtMH3i9po
When I got my AARP recruiting literature, my wife didn’t even bother showing it to me. She just pitched it. She knew that I’m totally uninterested in belonging to an organization whose sole purpose is to beggar my children.
As luck would have it, I self-identify as a large, very annoying insurance broker that self-identifies as the spokesman for and champion of the elderly (who possibly have there own damned self-identifications, as your post suggests). Expect a lengthy and complicated counter-suit.
No question: Comedy!
Oops. Wrong thread
Rob,
There are Surgeries and Other Treatment for the Tran-Ageist Community. If you think you were born into the wrong age, Liposuction, Botox, dieting, working out, Testosterone pills and creams, Corvettes, Porsches and Ferraris. Pills to improve your performance. Hair Dye, different clothes, different music. Many people think an application of Young Blondes is the Key Treatment. Best of All — this is all covered by the Affordable Care Act , so you won’t need to pay a dime. Or a sock puppet.
As you transition into your new “You – Age” and discover who you really are, I applaud you. Unlike others, I will not go all judgemental about your new Trans Ageist Lifestyle
Obamacare covers young blondes?
Only if prescribed by a Medical Professional
On my first real date when I had just turned sixteen, I took my date to a movie. At the ticket window, I put ten dollars down and the agent looked at me and looked at my date and, assuming she was my older sister, charged me the under twelve price. I was so embarrassed. 45 years later, when my wife and I went to the movies, the same thing happened but this time I got a premature senior discount.
35 years later. Math was never my strong suit.
I’m 40 and have gotten quite a few of these solicitations over the years. I consider the mere reminding of my inevitable aging to be a form of micro aggression that no five year membership discount can assuage.
Happy 50th? They are relentless. Never give in.
Rob,
Those Bastards!! It’s bad enough every time I look in the mirror my head looks like a first snow fall, that I remember watching Ronald Reagan on Death Valley Days, and that I am unaware of the current popular music for the last 30 years.
But no they must insult me on nearly a weekly basis with their annoying attempts to sign me up with their geriatric chain letter. Insensitive louts!!
I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!!
I’m going to office depot and get that miniature paper shredder tomorrow.
Regards,
Jim
Happy birthday! You’ve only just begun.
My only question was: how did they know I was 50?
And that was over 15 years ago before the age of Identity Theft…not to mention SinoRussianhacker gangs.
As a non religious person I was delighted to learn the word “Retirement” does not occur in the Bible.
The advantage of age:
When you become who you are it saves a lot of time and energy.
I spent so much of my life trying to be something I wasn’t.
Take heart Rob
All things age. Living things grow.
-wbajr tbc
Having a shredder that can handle credit cards means that it can shred AARP cards, too. I think I only received two of them. I took great delight in feeding them to my shredder.
Do they still send self addressed postage paid envelops? So send them a love note.
Taped to a brick…. :)
I wouldn’t rule out senility.
I am not even 35 and I get these periodically. That is what happens when the only magazines you subscribe to are National Review and professional scientific magazines. The computer thinks you are in your 50’s.
Rob, I just turned 50 on June 8th, so we are just about the same age. I have not received my AARP card yet.
However, I was subjected to a microaggression of a similar nature a few weeks ago when a cashier lady in a local grocery store–clearly 10 or 15 years my senior–asked me if I wanted the senior discount. (I declined in a slightly aggrieved manner.)
Upon arriving home I immediately searched for my teddy bear (damn the melting ice cream!) and found my safe space: curled up in a fetal position under my covers wearing my Alf onesie.
Maybe that is where AARP got the address. I used to subscribe to NR around that time.
I love middle age, hot flashes and all. Embrace the suck, Rob! http://www.womansday.com/life/real-women/a8211/invisible-after-50/
I successfully intercepted the cards they sent my wife for almost a year, and she thought they had missed her. She was bragging about it one night to some friends and no one believed her, so I had to confess. She appreciated the effort. The down side is they keep sending them until you sign up. We both refuse now that I started getting them too.
Last month we were in San Diego for son #2’s graduation from bootcamp.
Immediately following the ceremony I was in the parking lot with a couple sisters giving directions to the restaurant where we were meeting everyone. I always refer to my husband by first and last name (John Yenny); I must have mentioned him at some point.
A newly minted Marine approached me and asked if I knew “Nate Yenny” (son #2). Big smile from me: Yes!
And as I drew breath to continue talking …
He said: are you his grandmother?
My response was not COC compliant, but rest assured the young man will not soon make that mistake again.
Or as a friend on FB said: well, now he’s truly ready for combat.
Just tell them this, Rob.