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The Trouble with Private Schools
Let me first establish my bona fides in order for you, the Ricochetti, to understand that this is a cri de coeur. I was homeschooled K-12, am a proud alumna of Hillsdale College, and for many years taught in private classical schools (I now have a position that supports school choice and excellent curriculum and teachers). I loved the kids and I loved my subject. It was a privilege to open up the virtues and vices of the classical world to my students and to challenge their minds to understand the thoughts of Cicero and Plato.
Here is why I left teaching: I began to despair that real K-12 education was possible in the 21st century. Was it because a) the children were glued to their screens? b) too much testing? c) the Common Core standards? d) administrative burdens? e) uninvolved parents?
None of the above. It was because of helicopter parents. Their fear of failure was crippling children’s ability to learn. There were often excuses for low grades and frequently explicit pressure to change them. These were parents at conservative, Christian, private schools. We teachers were not strangers to the end-of-the-year conference in which an administrator would sit down with the teacher and parents and facilitate a “compromise” in which the teacher would raise the student’s grade in exchange for getting to continue their employment. Over time, many teachers learned not to give Fs (or even Cs) to any students lest they be subjected to vitriol in their inboxes or in person, and vicious gossip about them to other parents.
That’s the trouble with private schools in the 21st century. The parents pay the school and expect grades in return. They assume that low grades mean the school is not doing its job, when, in reality, it’s just as likely that their child isn’t as bright and/or hard-working as they imagine. Grades are just information — not judgments on the inherent dignity of a human being. You see, as Charles Murray once pointed out in Real Education, half of the children are below average. You wouldn’t know that from the nosebleed GPAs at many private (and elite public) schools. The numbers of National Merit Scholars are not proportionate to the number of valedictorians or honors graduates.
It extended to the realm of behavior, as well. Teachers were discouraged from sending outrageous cases to the principal because it was understood that teachers only got to have so many parent complaints before they were not invited back.
But this problem of parental malfeasance goes beyond the K-12 space — ask university professors about the increasing number of students who demand good grades because they “showed up” or even get their parents involved in trying to force grade changes. This shift of responsibility has been going on for at least 20 years now, and it is threatening the very foundations of a once-free society. Entitlement is not a disease that afflicts only the welfare classes; it can and does infect the well-to-do.
If children spend their formative years knowing that mom and dad will always smooth the path for them — prevent them from failing, experiencing unhappiness or even discomfort, are we surprised that “safe spaces” now exist on university campuses?
A few possible objections:
“Administrators and boards should hold the line.” Correct — in theory. In practice, their continued existence depends on getting x number of posteriors in the seats. This is impossible if they don’t deliver the goods to their customers.
“Leadership should set the expectation that the school will be rigorous.” Correct — in theory. In practice, “rigor” is defined down until it is practically meaningless. The word “classical,” for example, can mean almost anything now.
“Parents who want real education will send their kids to schools where they can get it.” Correct — in theory. But, again, it’s about numbers and critical mass — whether you’re blessed to live in a location with enough parents who share that vision.
“Couldn’t this be said of progressive private and some public schools?” Yes, it could. I’m writing about the world I know best. Parents at private Christian and/or classical schools should want more for their children than a mere credential.
“Online education will allow parents to seek out real education.” I’ll believe that when I see it. Online, multi-choice quizzes are not going to be able to measure understanding of complex, non-quantitative subjects (e.g., literary analysis, translation of Latin and Greek, historical essays, persuasive writing).
This is an open plea to well-meaning parents: are you a stumbling block? Do you view the school as your partner (in loco parentis) or as your servant? Virtue is hard to imbue; do not undermine your child’s progress towards self-governance by removing all obstacles or by providing ready excuses for failure.
Published in General
Well, my four have had no trouble going out into the world. If they need something they usually figure it out. I am seldom their first call. And from what I can see they are held in high regard by their employers/teachers.
Against my better judgment I joined a Facebook group devoted to my newly minted Marine’s company. (It was a good thing I did, there was rain and last minute schedule changes. And those parents were ON IT.)
Anyway, I have been inundated since our arrival home with queries: how did he do on this? on that? does he have a cough? who was his DI? It’s not that I don’t care, but this is his life; not mine.
Son #1 called and I mentioned to him that some parents treat the Marine Corps like a school. He agreed, said it’s not unusual for them to get calls from parents who try to plead the case of a Marine not doing well.
When my four were in grade school / high school I always used to laugh when a school touted “high parental involvement”. I used to say most of the parents I had been around were not necessarily the people I wanted around my kids.
My daughter was a pretty good goalie in soccer and played through 8th grade. At the point she wanted to drop it and I let her. Up until then I was pretty determined she stay involved in some sort of sport.
But Saturdays at the soccer field had become an experience in watching adults behave badly. Coaches who had been banned for a game or two, but would watch from the sidewalk and holler or phone in instructions to someone on the sidelines. Saw more than a few heated arguments between parents. And I got sick and tired of seeing girls encouraged to beat the hell out of each other.
I know a lot of these helicopter parents; some very well. Every one of them would rate themselves as a good parent; they simply see themselves as their child’s advocate. I’ve known many that flew to the college their child attended to meet with a teacher. One particular loony got an apartment a few miles away so she could continue to tutor her college-aged son.
When I (gently) challenged her, she said she wants what’s best for her kid. And with her involvement his grades would improve. So that’s what was best.
I spent a lot of my volunteer life trying to improve the public schools in my town and district–I started a nonprofit called Every Kid Counts. Knowing that the greatest predictor of student success was parent involvement, I wanted to get parents into the schools. My second goal was to get community members into the schools. Interesting to meet a like-minded person on Ricochet. No surprise you are busy ’til June. :)
I’d welcome a conversation with you. There seems to be a theme emerging in the comments — low-income schools (broadly speaking) often have trouble with parents who are either uninvolved or who get “involved” by demanding special ed services (that may not actually be warranted). Private schools tend to have high-income parents whose involvement in their children’s homework and grades can have a detrimental effect on those youngster’s ability to thrive once out of the nest (if, indeed, they ever really leave). As I said in the original post, entitlement is not a disease of a single class.
Of course it’s important for parents to be involved in their child’s education — this can take many forms. Some even go so far as to home-school, a choice my own parents made.
I used to be very up front with my students about my own struggles when I first began my study of Latin as a freshman in college. It was my first brush with a subject that I couldn’t just “pick up.” My grades suffered. I was embarrassed, but I didn’t blame my professor and neither did they. I taught myself what I had missed over Christmas break and came back ready to learn more. That experience not only led me to graduate school in the classics, but it made me a more resilient human being. That’s why I think it’s so important for schools to uphold standards — not for the sake of the book-learning, but the character development that can result from having to dig deep and work a little harder. Non scholae sed vitae discimus.