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You Miss Me Yet?
Apparently, you do!
Last week, I received a charming e-mail from Troy Senik—the secret to charm, my friends, is lavish flattery—telling me that I was much missed on Ricochet and asking if I might consider visiting now and again. Just by coincidence, the next e-mail in my spam folder (sorry, Troy, I’ve adjusted the filter now), was titled “WIN HIM BACK—EVEN IF HE’S ALREADY WITH SOMEONE ELSE.” Applying the wisdom from e-mail B to e-mail A, I prudently waited 48 hours to answer.
It worked! Troy was even keener on me than before. (My ex received a brisk memo explaining how much I now charge per word.)
The funny thing is that I’ve been thinking of you, too. I don’t know about you, but the latest round of violence in the Holy Land has rendered my social media universe almost uninhabitable. I’d rather seal myself in a meat locker with nothing but a Fechshrift on Discipline and Punish—published by the University of Minnesota Department of Communication Studies—than spend time on Facebook and Twitter these days. For those of you who are snuggled in some kind of social media cordon sanitaire and have missed this latest worldwide illiterate-hateful-ungrammatical-unreasoned-three-minute-hate (extended remix, on a repeat loop), consider this article, if only out of academic curiosity. (It’s not the article, but the comments below, that make it so special.)
So anyway, I was looking at that the other day and thinking, “You know, someone should really invent a social media site on which thoughtful people of good faith commit to discussing the events of the day politely, respectfully and grammatically; a site that’s strictly policed to ensure these high standards of etiquette are upheld.” Then I slapped my forehead, feeling much as I do when I take the clean clothes from the washer and then absentmindedly put them right back in the machine, pressing “Wash.”
Wait! I did that already!
Anyway, much has happened since last you and I spent time together. My cats and I have decamped from Istanbul. We’re now living in Paris, about half a mile from my father’s apartment, and it’s wonderful to have what’s left of the family in the same city. I have much to report from France (as usual everyone else has it all wrong), but that’s a subject for future posts. Longtime Claire Berlinski fans may, however, enjoy this account of one of my latest adventures, reproduced here, after going viral around the globe, in German, Italian, and Feminist:
So my cats knocked the handle off my bedroom door and I’m locked in my bedroom now. Nothing left to try but to Tweet this drama.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
To judge from the media firestorm to which it gave rise, getting locked in my bedroom by my cats was the most popular thing I’ve ever done. (Do note that the way the story was reported affirms my assertion that journalists always get everything wrong. Entertain yourself for a few minutes by spotting and counting the factual errors. Then think about these standards of accuracy applied to a real news story. It won’t seem so funny then.)
So for now, this thread is open to all who wish 1) to tell me just how much they missed me and how overjoyed they are to see my smiling face; b) talk about how journalists always get it wrong; and c) complain that the rest of the Internet is just a sewer.
Happy days are here again! Big kisses to you all! It’s good to be home!
Published in General
C’mon, leave the snobbery to me, Troy; I’m better at it than you. :)
Great choice of celebratory music, ES!
Finally. Some intellectual competition again.
You people are amateurs:
BY, Nice!
By the way, I knew you were coming back. I’m Clairevoyant.
Glad to see you back!
Claire,
You missed me that is why you are back. No need to admit it. I know. Hey, I am the most hand-some guy on Ricochet.
Welcome back! I was just thinking of you the other day and hoping you had removed yourself from Istanbul. BTW, I thought the comments on the Yahoo page were rather logical.
What, teh gramer on Facepalm and tweeterz anoied youz?
I could do this all day:
The Return of the Queen.
I can see Claire-ly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshinin’ day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshinin’ day
Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshinin’ day
Ooh – look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there’s nothing but blue skies
I would sing this but then you would go away again.
1. If you go back through the Ricochet archives (those that made it through the move anyway), you’ll find several posts either a) asking “Where is Claire?” or b) wishing you were back and that the poster was unattached (no actual proposals were bruited).
b. (did you mean “2”?) We take that as a given here already, not that we get it right either.
c. (3?) Well “sewer” does apply to the comments sections on most sites already – the depository of literary offal and waste. Just please PLEASE do not start any discussions on marriage, net neutrality, border security, 9mm vs .45, or Mac v PC, or Soccer (Fußball). Those tend to clog the drains here.
I might also suggest you visit the PIT, snark and rudeness are appreciated and expected there.
Awesome news! Welcome back!
I didn’t miss you for two, maybe three days.
Welcome back!
Welcome back, Claire!
Of course, now that one of our consumer demands has been met, we will immediately switch to another. Where’s Judith? Doesn’t her bomb shelter have internet?
The entire story in Italian can be sung to “La donna è mobile”:
Welcome back!!!
Just yesterday I was reading in the WSJ about the Kurd’s attempts to sell oil without approval from the Iraqi government. Their tankers left from a port in Turkey, and I thought to myself “Wait a minute, I thought Turkey and the Kurds were sworn enemies, what’s going on here? If only Claire were around to explain this to me!”
Welcome Back!!!!
My joy this day is now complete. Claire!
Welcome back!
Yeah, we have missed you…a lot…and I’m glad you missed us, too. I’d say that the classiness meter on Ricochet just went way up.
Ditto.
Hoo-ah! Now we need to hear some of your stories on a podcast. And of course your thoughts on all the tangled goings-on in Europe and the Middle East. And cats and dogs and homeless ne’er-do-wells. And the sorry state of journalism. Really psyched to see you here again!
Very strange. In the last couple of days I suddenly thought of you to the point of actually looking up some of our previous conversations. What a coincidence…from my point of view. Welcome back. With what is happening in Israel and the USA administration’s decision to create a virtual worldwide blockade of the tiny Jewish nation (I guess flying to Kiev is perfectly safe), I am very curious to see your thoughts on the current worldwide attempt to create another holocaust.
So the top story on the Main Page is the return of Claire Berlinski. You still have a giant, stupid carousel to feature some enormous graphic. And you pick a picture of a Post-It note.
!?
Claire, so glad you’ve returned! Please have a seat and fill us all in!
BY, vis a vis the David Bowie, in a certain light, Claire might look like Natassja Kinski.
This is great news!
A thousand welcomes back, Claire! Have missed your wit, wisdom, and uncommon sense.