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21st Century Parenting and the Facts of Life
Imagine that you live in California, Minnesota, or Massachusetts and your precocious 8-year-old comes home with some probing questions.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?”
You’ve already thought this through — you’re going to answer honestly but not tell her more than she asked to know.
“Well, they come from Mommies and Daddies. Mommies have what is called an egg, but a little tiny one, and Daddies have what is called sperm. The egg and the sperm get together and a baby starts to grow. Mommies have something called a uterus where the tiny growing baby goes to live and get bigger until it is big enough to be born.”
“But my teacher says that some kids have two mommies or two daddies instead of a mommy and a daddy. How can they have a baby?”
“They can’t have one together. They have to borrow an egg or a sperm from a different mommy or daddy.”
“But doesn’t that mommy or daddy want their baby?”
“I guess not.”
“But if it’s two daddies, nobody has a u-u-“
“Uterus.”
“Yes — that. Where is the baby going to grow?”
“They have to find a mommy who will grow the baby.”
“Then the baby grows in the mommy’s tummy but she doesn’t want the baby?”
“Well, she might want the baby, but she’s helping out the daddies because they want a baby.”
“But then the baby won’t have a mommy and the mommy won’t have her baby!”
“No. The mommy and baby won’t have each other”
“But I like having a mommy. And mommies do lots of things that daddies don’t do — like my hair.”
“That’s true. I guess the daddies have to learn to do what the mommies usually do and the mommies have to learn to do what the daddies usually do.”
“I don’t like that.”
She thinks for a minute.
“My teacher says that boys are sometimes really girls and girls are sometimes really boys.”
“What do you think she means when she says that?”
“I don’t know, but sometimes I like to kick the ball with the boys. Does that mean I’m really a boy?”
“No. Sometimes girls like to do things with boys or boys like to do things with girls, but they are still boys and girls.”
“But then how can a boy be a girl or a girl be a boy?”
“Well, I guess she means that some boys feel like girls and some girls feel like boys.”
“Does that mean when I feel like kicking a ball I feel like a boy so I’m really a boy?”
“No. Girls who like to do boy things are sometimes called tomboys, but they are still girls.”
“But if I felt like I was a boy, could I become a boy and grow up to be a daddy?”
“No, you can never be a daddy, only a mommy.”
“But if I felt like a boy, wouldn’t I want to be a daddy? Why can I only be a mommy?”
“Because you were born with eggs and uterus, which is what you need to be a mommy.”
“Because I’m a girl.”
“Yes — because you’re a girl.”
“Then why does my teacher tell me I might be a boy and tell the boys they might be girls if boys can never be mommies and girls can never be daddies?”
You are stumped. This is a level of confusion you will never be able to explain.
Published in General
Is there anything to the fact that in the picture, at first glance, it looks like the “Mummy” explaining sex to an 8-year-old is wearing Playboy bunny ears.
Grendel, I would like you to explain your way out of this. :-)
Shades of The Triple Package.
(Click image to see full-size on the original cartoonist’s site.)
It is interesting that most of the discussion is at what age something is appropriate. However the problem is each parent actually being allowed to inform their kids at ages and in ways they think is appropriate is taken away, when you send your kids to a public school.
So maybe the solution is not a concession at what age and how you or your kids teachers should tell your kids something. The solution is to stop sending your kids to an institution that is from its foundation is a modern socialist state creation, whose whole mission is to undermine the culture of its student’s parents. Progressives did not start public schools in America to educate but to socially integrate all those Irish, Italians, and Germans who were supposedly not becoming American.
That’s my son fishing. The bandage on his right hand? He had fallen in an extinguished, but still hot, campfire two weeks before. Burns all over the palms of his hands. But he loves fishing…
Then he was right back to tending the fire next year.
If you tell them they can’t do something, they’ll never will.
Oh, and I’ve told him his teacher’s sometimes wrong too. As is his father. That comes with our sinful nature, you know.
FG, we all agree that sometimes you have to contradict a teacher, but you hope that will rarely be necessary in the younger grades when kids are less complex thinkers and are learning simpler concepts. It’s better if they have a high degree of trust in what their teacher says. Skepticism is good in its place, but it too can be taken too far and inhibit learning.
There are simple things that teachers, kids, and parents miss because of inattention, sloth, or incompetence.
Just last night my son got homework back that was marked as wrong. Why? Both he and I missed something in the instructions. I pointed out the error to him, as well as the fact that I had missed it too.
And why admit my fault? Because I constantly preach about diligence in the practice of systematically reading instructions. He usually groks the lesson, but he sometimes jumps through the exercise assuming the knows its intent. My son has gotten much better at this, so I just have to review his work. But I missed it because I was in a hurry to watch a hockey game. So what would it better to do:
Allow my son to think that it was simply his error? He did make the mistake, after all.
Show him that I can admit fault and demonstrate what happens when even an adult isn’t diligent?
I’m an elder in my parish, so I take burdening another’s conscience very seriously… Matthew 23:4 seriously. If I can do “tell on myself,” it is very simple to explain that such mistakes happen to teachers, whether they admit them or not.
Finally, one must distinguish between skepticism and cynicism. A skeptical mind does not inhibit learning. It will ask: “why is this wrong?” or “I believe you are wrong, show me proof.” Yes, there is an element of doubt, but it is in the service of truth. A cynical bent is indeed destructive, as it looks for the hidden motive or self-interest only.
Sounds like you’re a good Dad, FG! Oh yes–admit mistakes to kids. Just try not to make too dang many! Skepticism can be taken too far because learning to some degree relies on trust. Ultimately we have to have some trust because we can’t all discover the truth of everything for ourselves.