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The Missing Man Table
Among the many ways we can honor our fallen warriors is the Missing Man, or Missing Warrior, Table. A recent article by the incomparable Salena Zito titled “The Empty Place Setting at the Table,” here, discusses this poignant tradition and described some of the history behind it:
All across America, families of service members—those fortunate their family member returned home and those whose family member tragically did not—will leave a place setting at their holiday table for those who never came home.
For many, it is a solemn reminder of sacrifice and loss, but for many more, the empty place setting also sparks great memories and, ultimately, great stories.
The ultimate fear among soldiers who went off to fight for their country, explains retired Army Captain Tyler Merritt, is that their sacrifice and service will be forgotten as time fades or dismissed as society’s attitudes turn on the reason they were sent into battle.
Merritt explains in the military family, the empty place setting is referred to as the “missing man table,” adding many believe the practice gained national attention during the Vietnam War when so many soldiers vanished during military operations. The prisoner-of-war/missing-in-action movement emerged as a result.
“Today, the missing man or fallen comrades table is a recognized part of military ceremonial functions, mess halls, and American Legions,” said Merritt, who was a member of the Army’s elite 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment.
The article contains the astonishing statistic that nearly 1.3 million American citizens have given their life defending our Nation, including 620,000 in the Civil War and 450,000 in WWII. And a veteran, Capt. Tyler Merritt, U.S. Army, Retired, is quoted as saying that while
Every soldier goes into battle understanding they may or may not come out alive. What they fear most is that no one will say their name again and that their sacrifice and service will be forgotten.
Also discussed in the article is the Travis Manion Foundation, established in memory of a warrior who gave his life in Anbar Province, Iraq:
Fifteen years ago, 1st Lieutenant Travis L. Manion of the U.S. Marine Corps was killed during combat operations in April 2007 in the Anbar province of Iraq while serving his second tour of duty. The Pennsylvania native was assigned to the 1st Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, based out of Camp Pendleton, California. He was only 26 years old.
Ryan Manion, the daughter of a Marine Corps colonel and sister of Travis Manion, has made it her life’s mission to make sure her brother’s name, along with his call to service and the ultimate sacrifice he made, is never forgotten through the Travis Manion Foundation, or TMF, that she has run as the executive director since 2009.
Her brother and his fellow Marines were ambushed while searching a suspected insurgent house in the Al Anbar province of Iraq. A sniper killed the Doylestown native as he was drawing fire away from his wounded teammates; he was awarded the Bronze Star with a “V” device for valor.
Ryan Manion described the Missing Man Table practice as follows:
Manion finds the practice incredibly meaningful. “I think it’s beautiful. There are times where I’ve walked into a restaurant, and I’ve seen it at a family-owned restaurant, and I think it’s so beautiful that they go out of their way to do that. I love it when I see it at events,” she said.
As I read that passage, I was reminded of my pride in one of our local restaurants, Lillo’s Tuscan Grill, which displays the Missing Man Table at its entrance. We stop at the table every time we enter to take a moment to remember those symbolized by that somber setting.
Here is a link to a brief video describing the elements shown in the setting followed by a pictorial describing the elements:
It is my wish that the families of those who gave their lives for our Nation may, if it is at all possible, soften the unimaginable hurt and anguish they have suffered by remembering their loved one however they can, perhaps by the Missing Warrior Table.
God Bless America.
Published in Military
Amen
I’ve seen fallen warrior tables set near the entrances of a few Walmarts. It’s a fine tradition.
This is probably the decision of the local manager. The current generation of Waltons is too woke for such displays of patriotism.
So moved.
I have not heard of this practice before. It is a fine tribute. May it spread across the nation.
I’m reminded of this song from the excellent album Songs of the Civil War:
I hadn’t heard about this ritual, and it’s lovely, Jim. I’ll keep my eyes open for other places where I might see it. Thanks.
Same here. First I’ve heard of it, and I like it!
This presents a difficult issue, I think.
It does seem lovely and moving. On the other hand . . .
When is it time to let go, and move on? That’s tough when you lose someone that you love. But at some point, you do need to move on, don’t you?
It seems to me that Memorial Day is the day to remember the fallen. Other holidays are for other purposes.
I confess to being at a bit of a disadvantage in framing a response to this comment as I have never lost a loved one to sniper fire in Kabul or an IED device in Iraq but, like all of us at one time or other, I have lost some very near and dear to my heart, one just before Christmas as a matter of fact. Based on that experience, as I tried to convey in the post, I would think those who have suffered a loss of this enormity would search for any means possible to remember and memorialize their loved one and this seemed a lovely way to do it. As to the question when it is time to let go, again I can’t speak from personal experience on this particular point, but I would think for some the time to let go may well be– never. And I can certainly understand that choice.
Good point. It’s like lowering the flag to half staff. If we did it for every bad thing that happened, the flag would never be raised to its full glory . . .
I put my flag at half staff the day Biden was inaugurated as I considered that one of the most tragic days in American history; not sure it is entirely appropriate and in keeping with all of the rules pertaining to the proper display of the flag, but I just felt it was the response I wanted to make. Extending that reasoning, and in view of the God-awful wreckage he is inflicting upon the Nation, I might consider just leaving it at half staff for the next two years. I only hope we all survive two more years of this most corrupt, dishonest, incompetent, sleazy, despicable, vicious, [list continues] Executive Branch. As to your and Jerry’s point, I depart from your reasoning, most respectfully, of course, in that I don’t think grief can be compartmentalized quite so neatly. Rather, I think those families who have suffered this kind of indescribable loss, some of whom will never even get their loved one’s body back as there was so little left after an IED blew the occupants of a Humvee to bits, should have all the means at their disposal to soften their grief, any time of the year they choose to do so and for as long as they want to.
Mayors, school principals, and other minor officials in our area order the American flag to be lowered to half staff for all kinds of deaths.