Strategic Ambiguity

 

I met yesterday with my political adviser, Phil A. Buster, in his new double-wide overlooking the city sewage treatment plant. I told him I was considering another Senate run.

“You sure?” he asked. “You only got three hundred votes the last time, and I think a lot of those were mistakes.”

“My voters were suppressed statewide,” I said. “This time, I’ve come up with a platform with mass appeal.”

“Which is…?”

“Strategic ambiguity.”

“You mean like Biden’s Taiwan policy?”

“Exactly. He nailed that one. The CCP doesn’t know what Biden means.”

“Neither does Biden,” Phil said.

“But that’s the beauty of strategic ambiguity. I’m using it on every issue.”

“Not sure that’s doable,” he said.

“It most certainly is. You name an issue and I’ll tell you my position.”

“Immigration.”

“Easy. I am for strict control of our open borders.”

“You stole that idea from Mayorkas,” Phil said. “Crime is big these days.”

“I pledge to introduce a new jury finding in criminal cases: ‘Perhaps Guilty.’”

“Not vague enough. How about: “Not guilty by reason of confusion.”

“Maybe,” I said. “On abortion, my stance is perfect for the voters.”

“What is it?”

“Absolute prohibition unless the mother thinks she really needs one.”

“What about government funding of it?”

“Not one dollar for abortions. Crypto only.”

“Damn,” Phil said. “That’s genius. How about climate change?”

“All for it,” I said. “Four times a year, give or take.”

“I don’t understand,” Phil said.

“See? It’s spot on. I need to start fundraising. Are you in?”

“Maybe,” Phil said.

Published in Humor
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There are 5 comments.

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  1. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Well done. Let’s just hope Xi doesn’t decide to call Biden’s bluff.

    • #1
  2. JimGoneWild Coolidge
    JimGoneWild
    @JimGoneWild

    Is this article funny? Perhaps.

    • #2
  3. Columbo Member
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    … new double-wide overlooking the city sewage treatment plant.

     

    Reminds me of the Clinton Library …

    • #3
  4. Michael Henry Member
    Michael Henry
    @MichaelHenry

    Columbo (View Comment):

    … new double-wide overlooking the city sewage treatment plant.

     

    Reminds me of the Clinton Library …

    Now THAT is funny!!!!!

    • #4
  5. JimGoneWild Coolidge
    JimGoneWild
    @JimGoneWild

    Columbo (View Comment):

    … new double-wide overlooking the city sewage treatment plant.

     

    Reminds me of the Clinton Library …

    Because the bottoms are gone?

    • #5
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