Malapropisms

 

I used to work with a guy who had a Ph.D. in electrical engineering from a very prestigious university.

When speaking during meetings, he often used the word “incantation” when what he actually meant was “incarnation”. I have no idea why he did this. I don’t think he did it on purpose but the effect on the unwary listener was…hilarious.

On one memorable occasion, he said this: “The product is able to do what you’re describing but it will require a modified incantation.”

Stone. Silence.

Crickets chirping in the distance.

Many worried, sideways glances all around the table.

It was glorious.

Please add your own experiences along these lines in the comments.

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  1. Tex929rr Coolidge
    Tex929rr
    @Tex929rr

    BastiatJunior (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I worked with a lady who like to “voice-text”, talk into her phone and have her phone make it into a text. She was out of the office and she texted my boss. She said she would clean up the kitchen when she came back that evening. My boss informed her that I had already done it.

    She wanted to respond, “I will have to thank him later”, but the text came out as “I will have to spank him later”! Sort of a “me too” incident.

    Did you get your spanking?

    I don’t spank and tell.

    My wife had a problem with typing a message into her cell phone. Whenever she typed “Veronica,” our youngest daughter’s name, it would be changed to “erotica.” She would edit it, and it would change to “erotica” again.

    What’s really weird is that when I typed on the same phone, “Veronica” would come out right. I would hand the phone back to my wife, and if she typed “Veronica” it would still change to “erotica.”

    And this was typing, not talking.

     

    My iPhone has autocorrected something (I don’t remember what I was trying to type) to “select ronin” a number of times.  I wonder if anyone has ever actually typed that on purpose.

    For more amusement, cuss out Siri.  The results are surprising.  

    • #61
  2. The Great Adventure Coolidge
    The Great Adventure
    @TGA

    Tex929rr (View Comment):

    BastiatJunior (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I worked with a lady who like to “voice-text”, talk into her phone and have her phone make it into a text. She was out of the office and she texted my boss. She said she would clean up the kitchen when she came back that evening. My boss informed her that I had already done it.

    She wanted to respond, “I will have to thank him later”, but the text came out as “I will have to spank him later”! Sort of a “me too” incident.

    Did you get your spanking?

    I don’t spank and tell.

    My wife had a problem with typing a message into her cell phone. Whenever she typed “Veronica,” our youngest daughter’s name, it would be changed to “erotica.” She would edit it, and it would change to “erotica” again.

    What’s really weird is that when I typed on the same phone, “Veronica” would come out right. I would hand the phone back to my wife, and if she typed “Veronica” it would still change to “erotica.”

    And this was typing, not talking.

     

    My iPhone has autocorrected something (I don’t remember what I was trying to type) to “select ronin” a number of times. I wonder if anyone has ever actually typed that on purpose.

    For more amusement, cuss out Siri. The results are surprising.

    Or tell Siri “I see a little silhouetto of a man” 

    • #62
  3. Tex929rr Coolidge
    Tex929rr
    @Tex929rr

    The Great Adventure (View Comment):

    Tex929rr (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment

    For more amusement, cuss out Siri. The results are surprising.

    Or tell Siri “I see a little silhouetto of a man”

    That was great.  I have my Siri set to the Australian female voice which made it even better. 

    • #63
  4. Paul Stinchfield Member
    Paul Stinchfield
    @PaulStinchfield

    Cassandro (View Comment):

    BastiatJunior (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I worked with a lady who like to “voice-text”, talk into her phone and have her phone make it into a text. She was out of the office and she texted my boss. She said she would clean up the kitchen when she came back that evening. My boss informed her that I had already done it.

    She wanted to respond, “I will have to thank him later”, but the text came out as “I will have to spank him later”! Sort of a “me too” incident.

    Did you get your spanking?

    I don’t spank and tell.

    My wife had a problem with typing a message into her cell phone. Whenever she typed “Veronica,” our youngest daughter’s name, it would be changed to “erotica.” She would edit it, and it would change to “erotica” again.

    What’s really weird is that when I typed on the same phone, “Veronica” would come out right. I would hand the phone back to my wife, and if she typed “Veronica” it would still change to “erotica.”

    And this was typing, not talking.

    Her phone is putting the moves on her. Buy her a new one and crush the phone with a hammer (just in case).

    Don’t crush that phone–hand her the pliers.

    • #64
  5. Paul Stinchfield Member
    Paul Stinchfield
    @PaulStinchfield

    Saying “antidote” when they meant “anecdote”.

    • #65
  6. Brian Scarborough Coolidge
    Brian Scarborough
    @Teeger

    Don’t forget spellings: I have seen Milk Toast instead of milquetost many times. 

    • #66
  7. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    irregardless

    • #67
  8. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    Long, long ago, upon the time when a well-known evangelist came a cropper for dalliances with working girls, I had a co-worker who nodded her head wisely and said “I knew he was not really a man of God when I saw his Rolodex watch.”

    • #68
  9. Rightfromthestart Coolidge
    Rightfromthestart
    @Rightfromthestart

    Tex929rr (View Comment):

    BastiatJunior (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Brian Scarborough (View Comment):

    I worked with a lady who like to “voice-text”, talk into her phone and have her phone make it into a text. She was out of the office and she texted my boss. She said she would clean up the kitchen when she came back that evening. My boss informed her that I had already done it.

    She wanted to respond, “I will have to thank him later”, but the text came out as “I will have to spank him later”! Sort of a “me too” incident.

    Did you get your spanking?

    I don’t spank and tell.

    My wife had a problem with typing a message into her cell phone. Whenever she typed “Veronica,” our youngest daughter’s name, it would be changed to “erotica.” She would edit it, and it would change to “erotica” again.

    What’s really weird is that when I typed on the same phone, “Veronica” would come out right. I would hand the phone back to my wife, and if she typed “Veronica” it would still change to “erotica.”

    And this was typing, not talking.

     

    My iPhone has autocorrected something (I don’t remember what I was trying to type) to “select ronin” a number of times. I wonder if anyone has ever actually typed that on purpose.

    For more amusement, cuss out Siri. The results are surprising.

    Japanese Phone? 

    • #69
  10. Rightfromthestart Coolidge
    Rightfromthestart
    @Rightfromthestart

    Over the years: 

    Corrects me if I’m right. 

    Right here and then.

    A coach ‘ Ok return to your respectable positions’ 

    At this game of the age.

    After a discussion of autism ‘ What’s wrong with being artistic, anyway’ 

    I confess just yesterday, I myself, meaning to say conceived by in-vitro fertilization (IVF) I said conceived by IFR (instrument flight rules) 

    • #70
  11. Tex929rr Coolidge
    Tex929rr
    @Tex929rr

    Rightfromthestart (View Comment):

    Tex929rr (View Comment)

    For more amusement, cuss out Siri. The results are surprising.

    Japanese Phone?

    I was driving and tried to use Siri to send a text and it did the “I can’t do that right now” thing; I told Siri she was an effing moron and she said “I don’t talk to you like that”.  A little research and I learned just how funny some of the responses are.

    • #71
  12. GLDIII Purveyor of Splendid Malpropisms Reagan
    GLDIII Purveyor of Splendid Malpropisms
    @GLDIII

    Rightfromthestart (View Comment):

    Over the years:

    Corrects me if I’m right.

    Right here and then.

    A coach ‘ Ok return to your respectable positions’

    At this game of the age.

    After a discussion of autism ‘ What’s wrong with being artistic, anyway’

    I confess just yesterday, I myself, meaning to say conceived by in-vitro fertilization (IVF) I said conceived by IFR (instrument flight rules)

    It is much save to have a conception while on autopilot during IFR procedures. At least that is what I have been told by members of the Mile High club.

    • #72
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