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The Occidental Croquet and Touring Society
On March 19, 2020, I and three other members of the above somewhat imaginary but mostly actual society were scheduled to leave on our yearly 11-day sans-spouses trip to unusual destinations. We were to visit Zagreb, Croatia; Ljubljana, Slovenia; Graz, Austria; and Vienna. It was a go, right up to the moment it wasn’t.
The Society was the product of a simpler time (2014) when I had the notion that we might be able to improve our situation through the application of civility. To quote from the original brochure, “The Occidental Croquet and Touring Society will be involved in what is best described as splendid adventure travel, more Ernest Hemingway than Ernest Shackleton. Tours of museums and battlefields in the company of academic experts, docent-led distillery and winery outings, travel by train, ship, and air, and drinks at the dankest pubs and finest hotel bars. The one thing there will not be is beaches (Omaha, Juno and Sword excepted).”
The purpose of the Society was “to promote civility and learning through recreation and travel. It is expected that by gathering together like-minded individuals, each willing to add his knowledge and expertise to the planning and execution of unique travel itineraries that the enjoyment of the experience will be exponentially increased.”
Yearly meetings were held at Leslyn Manor, pictured above. Jackets required at all functions and recommended while traveling. If you dress well it is amazing how nicely you are treated in foreign lands. At the meetings, where the next year’s destination was chosen there would also be competitive events such as champagne and cognac tastings and even the occasional croquet match.
And you know, it worked. We traveled to India, Bulgaria, Malta, the Baltic, and Vietnam. The trick was to choose a destination ripe with history but that your wife wouldn’t really want to go to. You mustn’t let her think you’re having too much fun. To give you the flavour of one of the trips, here is the Baltic itinerary.
This spring we’re going to try and reboot the Society with a baby-steps domestic adventure. Two choices are up for a vote, an old west Colorado misadventure or a trip down the Mississippi from St.Paul to Galena to St. Louis to Memphis to Vicksburg to New Orleans. Either way, we will try to observe the two rules of travel, Between noon and 6 p.m. keep your blood alcohol level between .05 and.08. From 6 p.m. onward use your best discretion.
Published in General
A fellow high school teacher used to organize a Senior Croquet Tournament. He wore all white with a bow tie and invariably won the tournament less with skill but more from a gift for pitting his opponents against one another. Croquet was presented as a treacherous, political game.
I think floating down the Mississippi would be great fun. How much trouble can you get into on a boat?
Why not New Orleans to St Paul so you can have the wind at your back? Also, you can do the history in chronological order, more or less. Galena has a remnant of an old Black Hawk war settler fort, by the way. It may be the only remnant left out of several dozen of those forts.
Why do you hate the 4th Infantry division?
A wise choice.
To say nothing of the dog.
I started that once, in February. A hard, late winter freeze thwarted the attempt.
I was impressed by the pressure ridge that was thrown up when ice broke loose from the shore and crashed into the existing ice jam downstream. We saw it coming in time to get our canoes out of the way.
You can get into that kind of trouble.
That sounds more Shackleton than Hemingway…
Hard to believe Mr. and Mrs. Jerome would name their son Jerome. What were they thinking?
“Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing—absolutely nothing—half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.”
Could be worse. Could be Major Major Major.