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In Other News . . .
President Obama took a break from a golf outing on Martha’s Vineyard today to address reporters on the day’s events in Southern California, where ISIS forces had staged an amphibious invasion of Malibu. Stopping at the clubhouse for a hot dog and a soda before heading to the tenth tee, the president gave an unprepared statement about the surprise assault, in which thousands of ISIS fighters came ashore and occupied the seaside city, home to many celebrities.
“I know a lot of you are concerned,” he said, “as we all are about what happened in California this morning. The video of ISIS fighters beheading the mayor of Malibu is truly disturbing. But I want to assure the American people that we are monitoring the situation there, and we are working with our partners in the international community to formulate what we hope will be an appropriate response. I’m sending John Kerry to Cairo for some frank discussions with somebody – I forget who – but you can trust that Secretary Kerry will figure things out within a few weeks, or months at the most.”
Told that the ISIS forces had set up their headquarters at Barbra Streisand’s house, the president was asked if he would call in air strikes. “I might,” he said, “but of course we have to consider the environmental impact an air campaign could have on the fragile coastline out there. And remember that the American people elected me twice to get us out of wars, so I don’t see that there’s a lot of momentum for jumping into another one. And even without Malibu, we’ve still got California in the bag in the midterms.”
The president also admitted there had been intelligence failures, with it coming as a complete surprise that ISIS had procured, equipped, and deployed the naval and air assets used in the morning’s invasion. “Yes, ISIS caught us off guard today,” he said, “but we have to remember that this is the junior varsity we’re talking about here. I mean, how heavily defended is Malibu?”
After finishing his round, the president left the golf course without speaking to reporters, though photographers got pictures of a grim-faced Obama climbing into his limousine. A White House staffer, who refused to go on the record, let it be known why the president seemed so perturbed. “He three-putted seventeen,” said the staffer, “and double-bogeyed eighteen. You’d be angry too.”
Published in General
Hmm. Not a single use of the word “folks” anywhere. This doesn’t sound like him.
Yeah. Right. ” … took a break from a golf outing …”
Like that’s really gonna happen. C’mon, get real.
Why would they invade Malibu? That’s like breaking into Yer Own home.
How far south from Malibu would they get before one of the LA gangs took them out?
Too few burqas on the beach.
If you darned Californians hadn’t quit watering your lawns the ISIS crew might not have thought it looked “just like home” .
Come to think of it, Malibu probably looks like Gaza , when you’re in Compton . ( a recent dinner at Geoffrey’s certainly sounded like we were in Gaza)
Because if ISIS/ISIL invaded Galveston (or Corpus Christi) they’d get pushed into the sea faster than the Japanese did the first time they invaded Wake Island. It would happen so fast the Texas National Guard wouldn’t get a crack at them. It would be open season and no bag limit. Eric Holder would be down there investigating whether ISIS/ISIL’s civil rights had been violated.
The Caliphate are not dummies. They pick targets they can beat.
Seawriter
Finally, BHO gets to refer to a corpse man without being laughed at.
And let’s face it – the Crazies from ISIS could never handle the humidity in Houston. They wouldn’t know what hit them.