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Narcissism Is Unpleasant. Guilt Destroys.
@doctorrobert linked to a brilliant essay by Kevin Williamson which compares the intolerance of today’s left to the intolerance of other religions and political movements over the years. That started my wheels turning and my brain excreted the following contribution to the debate. Williamson makes a series of characteristically brilliant points, but I wanted to look at the same phenomenon from a different angle. Please don’t read Williamson’s NRO article and then read mine – he’s a phenomenal writer and I’d prefer to avoid direct comparisons to his work if possible. But for what it’s worth, I submit the following:
I turn 50 today, although I don’t feel a day over 85. I work too much, don’t take care of myself very well, and I’m tired all the time. I’ve had both feet on the gas for so long that I can’t remember any other way to live. The immortal philosophers Def Leppard once observed, “It’s better to burn out than fade away.” I hope they’re right.
I’ve reached the age where people reflexively call me “sir,” and when I trip over a curb, people don’t laugh at me, they come running to help. I think, “Why is everyone acting so weird around me? What’s wrong with these people?” Then I look in the mirror. “Oh, right. I got old. Huh. I thought that would take longer.” Being on the other end of those sympathetic looks that I used to give old people has gotten me to thinking about our culture’s apparent infatuation with youth, and how it creates the seemingly incongruous but certainly destructive environment of narcissism and guilt. Allow Jim Beam and I to explain, hopefully using better sentence structure than that.
The hippie movement of the ’60s and ’70s had a famous mantra: “Never trust anyone over 30.” I suppose that makes sense if your goal is to do whatever you want, unconstrained by the cumulative wisdom of thousands of years of civilization. All those old customs and rules may have made some sense back in the ancient times of primitive civilizations, like, for example, the Eisenhower administration.
But the birth control pill changed everything. Are those bummer rules really relevant anymore? I mean, come on, dude. If the pill frees us from the biological consequences of our actions, then shouldn’t we be freed from the ethical consequences of our actions? And then, our actions could be, well, just anything we wanted them to be at any given time! What a wonderful world that would be, right? And if the old world can’t handle this new reality, then we obviously must move on to the new world, right?
If you want to live in a new world, first you must destroy, or at least delegitimize, the old one. Including the old people. Like, for example, me, I guess. What always struck me as odd, even when I was a young person, is that young people and old people are the same people. Just at different times in their lives. Just as Thomas Sowell pointed out that rich people and poor people are often the same people at different times in their lives. Leftists, and others with simplistic views of the world, often view young people or poor people as a sort of civil rights group, when in fact they’re just, well, people.
Man’s movement away from God over the past 50-70 years is due, in large part, in my view, from a lack of gratitude. Just like with spoiled kids. When spoiled kids get anything they want, they paradoxically lack gratitude. And that kid can never be happy. That kid is spoiled goods. Can’t be fixed. The spoiled kids of the ’60s and ’70s, likewise, are damaged goods.
Their parents, who were often born during WW1, survived the depression, and served during WW2; they just wanted their kids to have a better life. They were generous with their children – sometimes to a fault. Then the birth control pill came out. At exactly the wrong time. So these spoiled children, who thought they could have whatever they wanted whenever they wanted it – suddenly they really could have whatever they wanted. Whenever they wanted it.
Deep down inside, they knew that something was wrong. But they were enjoying what they were doing. So they could have changed their course and lived their lives according to the wisdom of the ancients. But they did not choose that path. Instead, they chose to continue to pursue immediate pleasures, with no apparent consequences. Who among us would not? Especially at the age of 16-24 or so?
And that left an enormous hole in their souls. It was hard to see at the time. It’s easy to see now. They became college professors and have nearly destroyed our university system. They became leaders in the Catholic church and their ingrained lack of respect for tradition or anything else greater than themselves has, at the very least, fundamentally changed the Catholic church. They have entered leadership positions in politics and our government has grown into an unpredictable monster acting with no apparent limitations.
The narcissism of the baby boomers, and their dream of a world with no constraints has led to power systems with no constraints.
Just for the record, after high school I was selected to play in an all-star football game. I couldn’t make it because I had moved to Sweden to live with my absolutely gorgeous Swedish exchange student girlfriend. My parents were less than thrilled, as you might imagine. But I knew what I was doing. Or, at least, I thought I did. So, I cast no stones. I’ve been there. And I understand.
But as destructive as narcissism is, I think guilt is worse. Guilt is a horribly destructive force. For a lot of reasons, many of which have been described by much (much, much, much) greater thinkers than me, like Thomas Sowell and many others. But the destructive aspect of guilt that I want to address here is its tendency to cause the bad behaviors of a few to rapidly metastasize to society as a whole.
Suppose a man decides that he is actually a woman and he wants to marry a man who for some reason thinks he is actually a man who wants to marry a woman who is actually a man. Ok. Ten years ago, that would not interest me, and the most response it would get would be a chuckle or a roll of the eyes. Whatever. Seems odd to me, but it’s really none of my business – go ahead. Whatever floats your boat.
This live-and-let-live attitude is, I would argue, an absolute requirement for a stable, peaceful society. At some point, one of my neighbors is going to do something I find odd. As long as I don’t stick my nose in his business and tell him how to live his life, then we can still be friends and love one another as neighbors and move on with our lives in peace.
But now, this attitude is viewed as homophobic and hateful, and the left seeks to criminalize my desire to leave other people alone. If the man/woman from the case I described asks me to bake a cake for his/her wedding, I cannot simply give him a list of other bakers who would be happy to help. According to the left, I must bake that cake. I can’t simply allow him to do things I don’t personally approve of – I am forced to participate.
Why would the man/woman, or the state, feel the need to force a stranger to participate in something they disapprove of? I think it’s to absolve their guilt. Just like the Democratic Party’s resistance to means testing for Social Security – we can’t criticize an activity if we’re all in on it. No one will call Social Security simple thievery if we’re all on the take. T.H. White’s description of totalitarianism — “anything that is not forbidden is now compulsory” – is a pretty good description of today’s intolerant left.
I would argue that narcissism leads to the abandonment of traditional ethics and mores. This leads to bad behavior, which leads to guilt, which leads to demand for others to assimilate and even participate in this new ethical system, which eventually leads to totalitarianism by outlawing independent thought. Whew.
Then again, maybe not. Maybe you just wasted five minutes of your life reading the drunken ramblings of someone who is substituting his longing for his youth with a longing for a beautiful society that never actually existed. If that’s the case, I apologize.
But I wonder if maybe all those old, dusty ethics, morals, and traditions – that, when I was young, seemed to limit my personal freedom – maybe those restrictive traditions actually protect our personal freedoms.
I’ll let you figure it out. I’m tired.
Man, I’m always tired. I’m getting old. I gotta slow down…
Published in General
Agreed. I’m a late Boomer, but my siblings were in college during the upheavals of the late 60’s. They still wore (skinny) ties and starched button-down shirts to class and kept their hair trimmed. They didn’t do Flower Power or sit-down strike in the dean’s office. They were too busy becoming responsible adults — starting careers, marrying, and having kids. They (you) were the majority. It was the lunatic, minority Left that held sway in our culture over time — cultural ingrates and commies. But, I repeat.
You are not.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Def Leppard? Really?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYak0rPUDIU
Wrong Young:
Judging from the still of the second video, Neil Young was also the Artist Formerly Known as Prince before Prince was!
Happy birthday. And life is still good.
“It doesn’t matter much to me, as long as we’re dead.” (hopefully I didn’t catch the wrong reference! I’m not this dark =P)
Morning Richard and all other boomers who were not as confused and useless as my friends and I,
I am not saying that boomers ruined the 20th century, no Woodrow Wilson did that (hat tip; George Will), or that boomers had different natures than the rest of mankind. I am saying that the boomer generation exposed how fragile the culture was or how hollowed out it had become. Maybe the WWII generation was just maintaining the values and traditions of their parents without believing in them out of a type of behavioral momentum, and as such did not teach those values or their importance to their children. Maybe they assumed that the value of education and marriage were so obvious that they did not need explanation, or that the goodness of our country was obvious as well. Not only were the adults in society ineffective in preparing the boomer generation to value the civilization they were inheriting, but the boomers denied that their parents or leaders had any moral authority and the boomers claimed that they would build a different more moral world. It would be worthwhile to try to understand what happened. And, what happened in the 60’s, a dramatic increase in crime, riots in many cities, some riots on campus and the attempted take over of some universities, bombing of police and military instillations, drugs, and the beginnings of a different view of sexual relations. TV may have tipped the balance, but it was rather tame and “Queen for a Day” had little interest for kids. There were subversive voices, some of my friends were in the SDS, however subversive voices had been here for a long time, think Chambers and Hiss or Buckley’s “God and Man at Yale” where Buckley says that God and capitalism were openly mocked in all his classes. It may be true that “twenty years of schooling and they put you on the day shift”, but that is especially true if you get a BS in English at college (my degreee). Our parents did not have the luxury in getting degrees which had little value in the market. The boomers were attracted to groups like The Jefferson Airplane and the themes of drugs and sexual expression in “White Rabbit” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl89g2SwMh4 and “Triad”https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dZSII2PbeUg. The boomers turned away from their country and parents, I would like to understand this rebellion and the forces that shaped the values of the boomers. VDH says that in the five years after WWII more children were born than in the 30 years prior, just the size of this group makes them important.
@marcin – I was careful to specify certain kids of the boomer generation – the spoiled ones. In my experience, they are a minority. But the point of my essay is that through the power of narcissism and guilt, the flaws of a small minority of the population can have enormous impact on society as a whole.
Yeah, but I was going for a laugh, and there is absolutely nothing funny about Neil Young.
@jimmcconnell – thanks for your kind words! Although if I could write like Kevin Williamson, I would struggle to avoid showing off from time to time.
And I’m with you on the Jameson’s – that’s yummy stuff. Especially the “Black Label” or whatever they call their premium stuff. But I’m cheap. So Jim Beam it is…
I write better as part of a team…
I am with the OP on “narcissism” as the cause of much that’s wrong today–narcissism, selfishness, navel-gazing, hedonism, self-indulgence, call it what you will. Not so sure about projecting guilt onto its practitioners, though. I’d like to believe that many of them do feel “guilty” but I think that would require a level of self-awareness that the large majority of the worst offenders simply aren’t capable of. Same with “hypocrisy.” I’d like to believe that many of these folks can spot the double-standards in much of what they say, or the flaws in logic that render much of what they believe utterly preposterous. But they don’t see those, either.
Perhaps what it’s really about at the root is a lack of self-awareness, a missing core. The fact that there’s just no there there. (I’ll point out that this isn’t a phenomenon that’s strictly confined to the Left, although far-and-away its most numerous and fanatical adherents do seem to hang out on that end of the spectrum).
@trink and I used to joke about a lack of self-awareness being evolutionarily adaptive. Turns out it’s no joke! Look how well the Left has done in the past few generations!!
Well, this was the first thing that popped into my mind. It’s a scene from The Highlander, where our hero (Duncan McCloud of the clan McCloud), confronts his nemesis, the Kragan, in a church.
Y’know, it would probably reduce the average altitude of dander if those engaging in the popular sport of boomer-bashing would just write “some boomers.”
Of course all generations are composed of a bell curves of individuals. However the bell curves of different generations can be greatly different. Here are two songs which show such a difference. A number one hit for Kay Kayser in 1943: “Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition”. Look at these lyrics:
Down went the gunner, abullet was his fate
Down went the gunner, and the gunner’s mate
Up jumped the sky pilot, gave the boys a look
And manned the gun himself as he laid aside The Book shouting
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition 3x
…And we’ll all stay free
The lyrics go on to say we “Can’t afford to be a politician” and “we’re on a mighty mission”, it is easy to get the gist of this song.
Compare 1964’s “Fish Cheer/I-feel-like-I’m-fixing-to-die”
This is not a stupid protest chant, it is a clever very biting song. After the opening Gimme an/a F, I, S, H,
Yeah, c’mon on all you big strong men
Uncle Sam needs you help again
He’s got himself in a terrible jam
Way down yonder in Vietnam
So put down your books and pick up a gun
We’re gonna have a whole lot of fun
And it’s 1, 2, 3, what are we fighting for?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn
Next stop is Vietnam
And it’s 5, 6, 7, open up the pearly gates
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! We’re all gonna die
Well c’mon generals, let’s move fast
Your big chance has come at last
Gotta go out an get those Reds
The only good Commie is on who’s dead
And you know that peace can only be won
When we’ve blown ‘me all to kingdom come
Chorus
Well c’mon on Wall Street
Don’t be slow
Why this is war a-go-go
By supplin’ the Army with the tools of the trade
Just hope and pray that if we drop the bomb
They drop it on-the Vietcong
Chorus
Well c’mon mother throughout this land
Pack your boys of to Vietnam
C’mon pops, don’t hesitate
Send ‘me off before it’s too late
Be the first one on your block to have your boy come home in a box
Those two generations are worlds apart, one sees war’s death as part of a mighty mission, one sees war’s death as a sick waste.
Most unimportant comment of the day: Have any of the titles used for Supreme Overlord @andrewklavan been a reference to this movie I haven’t seen?
No. There can be only one.
Ooo ok, I missed the reference then. I was going for the almost-lyrics of The Misfits – Last Caress.
This isn’t much different from an old word called discipline. When there are no rules, no code to live by, then anything goes, and both the best and the worst of human behaviors will flourish. If there’s no shame, then shameless acts become more common.
If you can find someone, something, to blame, and the boomers used a lot of things to blame – the man, the war, the-you-name-it, then that’s the Key you’re using to get out of the discipline jail, free. The Key. Now you are absolved from negative behaviors that you know are counter-productive (in the long run), but with the Key, the shiny Key, you can run down the road, naked, singing White Rabbit while your unwashed can hangs out for all the world to see.
You can really only indulge in these things for any period of time if someone else is covering for your food, clothing, and shelter. In other words, Mom and Dad, or, as the boomers were really hoping for, ironically, the Man (in the form of the gov’t so many of them laughably fought against) would pay for their existence, and make evil rich people who bought DoD stocks shoulder the brunt of it.
These are not the people you want to have to rely on, when things really matter. Because they simply aren’t up for it. They are trained helpless. Which is why they seek a larger government, to do the things they so weakly refused to do for themselves.
PS: 50 isn’t old. I ran my fastest half-marathon (of 39 races) at age 50. Exercise, like coffee and tacos, is critical to happiness. Go get some, @drbastiat.
Note to self, Google Misfits-Last Caress.
“One Bad Apple.” The Osmonds tried to warn us way back in 1970, but we didn’t listen.