Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
What Makes a Man What He Is?
My neighbor’s kid is 13. I like him. He’s very smart and does very well in private school, learning Greek and Latin, playing drums, and is very good at math and other subjects. Sounds like a great kid, right? Who wouldn’t want to say that about their own child? His parents are strict and hold him to high standards.
But he’s very small for his age, and yet still gangly. And he’s quirky. He finds it hard to get along with other boys his age, who are substantially larger and more muscular than he.
Another neighbor of ours is a nurse, and a bit of a gossip. She explained to me that the boy is being sent to a neurologist to find out what’s wrong with him. They’re expecting to put him on some sort of mind-altering drugs, because surely he must have Aspergers.
It’s not my business, and I’m not a psychiatrist, so I don’t bother discussing this with my neighbors, but here on Ricochet, I feel liberated to air my grievances.
What is the purpose of all these drugs doctors are prescribing for people? I don’t think our understanding of these drugs is good enough that I would recommend them in any but the most severe cases. But even if we did understand them, is there no room for individuality? Aren’t many people quirky? Is it forbidden to be different?
This isn’t my only experience with medicating children. I am a family lawyer, and since I’m not a high-priced one, I do a lot of work taking appointments for when parents get their children removed. In almost every case where the children are age 10 or more, someone at CPS will find a doctor to drug the kid. Perhaps I exaggerate. I don’t keep statistics, but that’s my impression.
Yes, the kids have been abused or neglected, and are facing some terrible stress in their lives, but is it always required that children be drugged if they are anxious?
I am what I am today, for better or worse, because that’s how I was born. I like me. It’s safe to say I’m quirky. I shudder to think what I would have been like had someone decided I should have been drugged with shadowy, poorly understood concoctions. What type of people are we creating, if we’re all to be the same? We are becoming robots.
And speaking of robots, I’m sure the rest of you have been getting very sophisticated robot phone calls. They’re very well done, and they respond to your questions. If you ask if they are a robot, they give a quick laugh and either deny it or explain that you’re talking to a real person but using a computer for quality purposes (whatever that means). You have to try really hard to trip them up and get an obviously inappropriate response to something you say.
We are all becoming homogenized, and by all, I mean people and robots. Soon, we won’t be able to tell if a robot is talking to us at all. We are rapidly reaching the point that unless you see the words coming out of a person’s mouth right in front of you, you won’t know if it’s real or not. And when it’s real, it will just be another homogenized person, drugged, indoctrinated, trained, and controlled by someone else. Who? That’s a good question. Who would be directing us? Academia? Politicians? I suspect it could outstrip all of us and become a self-perpetuating system.
I’m in a very dark mood.
Published in General
Yeah, I was small and slow. I could run five minute miles forever, but I couldn’t sprint to save my life.
As in any profession, there are good ones and bad ones. I have seen my share of both. The bad ones are why I don’t believe in adulation of teachers. Merely being a teacher doesn’t engender respect. Being a good one does.
Some parents are finding some success giving kids coffee instead of Ritalin. I would at least try it.
I would also give kids classical music lessons on instruments before I tried Ritalin. You watch a child’s fingers fly on a violin or a flute or a snare drum to keep up with Mozart and you realize how they are wired. They are not too fast. We are too slow.
I know that Ritalin has helped many kids, but I would try a few other things first before I committed to it. I don’t like kids’ thinking they aren’t all right the way they are, that they have to take some drug to be normal.
On the other hand, my favorite coffee mug says, “Instant Human. Just Add Coffee.” :)
My life changed at 13 when I was allowed to drink coffee with my dad. And several of my kids started their day with tea
You’re right on birth order. My husband always says God gave us three kids after son #1 to keep us humble. We would have been insufferable otherwise.
My four are so different from each other I wouldn’t believe they had the same mother had I not been present to witness the event
One of Irma Bombeck’s most-loved columns was the one in which she described how her three children would be sitting at her funeral describing a different mother! :) This is a classic too. :)
That was great @marcin. Thank you.
My SIL and I always laugh that no one talks about baby #4. And my daughter always replies: that’s cause they’re raised by wolves.
My #4 came at the tail end of a first group of 9 cousins on one side, 8 on the other and a group of friends that sported 11 kids.
I remember one day when something was wrong – he was barely verbal and couldn’t tell me what was up. I gave up and sent my daughter in to figure it out.
At only 5 she could roll her eyes at me. Turns out it was a Batman underwear day – and certainly not Ninja Turtles like I had chosen.
:)
Somebody may remember better than I but I recall a study that said something like 90% of ADHD could be treated sans medication with counseling.
what I know is, a 17 y.o. Girl supposedly with some sort of anxiety disorder has begun to work for us part time. And she just was put on some drugs she says stop the anxiety attack. But when we just talk to her she calms down in a few minutes.
Our friend whose son was diagnosed with “asymptotic depression”? In the past five years he has spent a lot of time with us – he has relationships with each of our kids and most of our friends.
He was adopted by parents who were 50+ (now 70+), they are somewhat famous and both very, very bright.
Poor kid was just lonely.
I have no way of proving it and I could be totally wrong, but I suspect the same could be said for a lot of people who are diagnosed with depression – not all, but a fair portion of them.
I agree with this. I think isolation is a huge problem for many people. I read a book called Social that looks at that very issue. Fascinating book. People get into a downward spiral: the more isolated they become, the harder it is to connect to others. It just keeps getting worse.
I’m not crazy about antidepressants, but I can see why doctors prescribe them. Doctors can’t fix the patient’s social environment. All they can do is fix the patient and hope for the best. Usually it works. The human psyche is not built for isolation.
This is a sentiment we can identify with completely.
Even though our kids are not far apart we were borderline insufferable and we did have the chance to apologize to a very fine teacher who taught #1 and #3 (we had moved away and back, so she didn’t teach #2).
She took it all in stride, but appreciated that time had shown us that we had been over exuberant in going over the grades for second grade homework.
Well, I generally use the option of hanging up. But if you are feeling malicious, you could always say, “I’m very interested. Please hold for a moment.” Then put down the phone and walk away. If nothing else, it will keep some other robot from bothering you while the robot on the phone waits. If it’s a real person on the phone, better yet.
Reminds me of an old movie where Bing Crosby was the priest and Ingrid Bergman played the nun who taught the boys how to box!
I am teaching about the antebellum period and expansion into the frontier. This is when “rugged individualism” truly took root as an “American” attribute. It took a great deal of gumption to settle wild lands. However, when farmers went West, they actually built communities. Farmers felt like they were in it together. They would show up to help each other on different days. They became good neighbors.
This was, actually, a good thing.
Now-a-days, we don’t need each other. People don’t go outside to cut the lawns–they hire people–so they don’t even borrow lawn mowers. Need a friend? You don’t go and ring the neighbor’s doorbell. You go on-line. This abundance and new technology has robbed the country of something important: a sense of community.
I asked how my students how many of them knew their neighbors.
They looked at me balefully.
Not a hand went up.
Of course we are isolated. And that’s the problem.
I love Ricochet, but it’s got a narrow space in my life. I’m building a haunted house today for my niece and nephew and their buddies. They are all going to come over and feel zombie eyes (grapes), vampire brains (spaghetti), and monster skin (those scrubber things you use when you wash dishes.)
That’s real life. That’s what kids need.
And I agree ten billion percent with this. As a teacher, I am super hard on my fellow educators. And myself when I know I haven’t figured out how to reach a kid.
For the 10 years we lived in out first house we didn’t buy a lawn mower, we just borrowed our neighbor’s. Occasionally I would more their lawn too. At first we also borrowed their internet, but it got too slow. We exchanged tools, had our babies offset (not on purpose) so that we could share baby stuff, babysat for each other and could just wonder over and say hi at anytime. We outgrew that house and moved 2 years ago.
I have met 2 of my new neighbors. Twice. We bought our first lawnmower. When the car battery died last night, my husband went out and bought a car charger. It’s very hard for us to make new friends. I really miss my old neighbors.
We used to do our own yard work in our last house, and we loved our neighbors. We often weeded together and helped one another. I have learned, however, that this is not as typical as it should be. And now we live in a condo where there are no yards. I’d also go buy a car charger.
There really is more to say about this because I believe lacking a sense of community is the biggest problem the United States faces. It’s why people are taking politics so seriously. Probably football, too. It gives them a sense of belonging.
Like many commenters before me, I believe giving drugs to kids is the lazy quick fix of a disinterested party, and surely should be the last resort.
One should consider that today’s kids are growing in a society where:
A. Many, many kids come from broken homes, or homes where the way too self centered parents simply do not want to do the heavy lifting ( it indeed can be a difficult struggle) of child rearing. These kids are often very wounded emotionally and can have severe problems. Even a good parent often has to deal with the many kids at school who too often come from these dysfunctional environments and can lead a good kid astray. Today’s school environment is a dangerous one for kids as a result.
B. Way too many kids are simply spoiled our of their minds. A really spoiled kid can come to believe that everything should be handed to him on a silver platter, and as a result can have serious problems when faced with the difficulty of real world problems. I know of far too many kids who are scary out of control because their parents simply never said no. These kids are often diagnosed with ADHD or similar disorders because they won’t follow direction or are rude and threatening or are disruptive in class. The terrible thing is if left unresolved these emotional problems can lead to real tragedy when the child reaches his or hers late teens or twenties.
C. Too many kids are on junk food diets full of carbs, sugars and synthetic foods. This kind of diet can really exacerbate hyper-activity. These diets also can compromise the immune system. I know of several of my daughter’s friends now in their twenties with way too compromised immune systems at such an early age.
Drugs are not the answer to these problems.
The truly sad takeaway from this discussion is that our PC feminized school and health system has trouble tolerating people who are different – particularly if they are male, and true to their control freak ways, want to drug these people who don’t conform to their ideals into conformity.
Wow. A million likes from me.
I agree.
If it weren’t for parents, most kids would turn out just fine.
My husband and I have had a disagreement or two about this. I never had a problem asking for help from someone – I’ve handed a baby to a stranger while I wrangled a toddler or wrote a check. My neighbor and I had our children at the same time and we raised them all together. What was the sense in both of us making lunch? You just fed whomever was in your backyard. I’ve asked neighbors for rides when the car wouldn’t start; asked them to watch my kids when someone needed to go to the emergency room. One neighbor came and slept on the couch while my husband and I went to the hospital to have kid #3.
And I did the same for them. You ask someone for help and they know they can come to you. I sat with a dying neighbor every Wednesday night for a few hours so his wife could get out of the house. I picked up sick kids from school when the mom couldn’t leave work.
How anyone can survive without a community is beyond me.
(My husband, on the other hand, would rather sit in a parking lot across town waiting for me rather than ask a stranger for a jump. Madness.)
You sound like an excellent neighbor. All those people did not remain strangers to you. You gave as well as took, and that is how relationships work. I think that’s beautiful.
Your husband’s community is you.
I hated those gangly #126s in wrestling.
My 7 year old grand daughter is quirky and most likely has Asperger’s like her father (who was never medicated, and although definitely has some personality difficulties holds a great job and has a wonderful family). My grand daughter gets teased for being a loner at school (although academically she is top of the class). My daughter in law put her in Taekwondo and the change in her listening skills and following instructions has been dramatic.
This is exactly what my complaint was.
Who are you to say someone has personality difficulties? He has a great job and a wonderful family. Perhaps the rest of the world should accommodate him, not the other way around.
The hubris of people deciding what is acceptable or not is permeating our culture. We must all be alike or else we have “difficulties.”
If it weren’t for parents, the kids would not be here to worry about. One of my daughters was a live wire, and she could think logically, even when a small child. She always called her teachers out when teachers made contradicting statements. One teacher tried to embarrass her and shut her up, by tying a paper megaphone around her neck “For the one who is always broadcasting.” I pulled her out of that school, and slammed the principal for allowing it. A parent needs to stay on top of what is being taught and how their child is treated.
I doubt this is a new thing, though. There have always been social expectations, and being judged for not meeting them, even if you’re otherwise successful. There are better or worse ways for this judgment to take place, but I doubt it’ll ever not take place.
Even medication used to treat purely physical symptoms is often about social acceptability: Why take an antihistamine, for example? Because sneezes are disruptive, a drippy nose is gross, scratching is socially unacceptable, and people distracted by the discomforts prompting sneezes, drippy noses, and itches, aren’t at their most useful. A person who was able to suppress scratching, sneezing, and dripping while also not distracting himself with unpalliated symptoms to the point of impairing his productivity would not “need” an antihistamine.
Strong men also cry; strong men also cry.
(I watched The Big Lebowski again last night; can you tell?)
I agree, but the difference is that now they can try to use medications to coerce your conformity.