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Solved: Refugees Settled in Blue States
President Trump appears to be trying to wiggle out of a deal made by his much more humanitarian predecessor to accept 1,250 refugees from one of our staunchest allies: Australia. This is consistent with his anti-refugee policy, a policy which I agree with. However, I actually think this is an opportunity to simultaneously keep a promise to a loyal ally and test out a new experimental refugee policy. It’s simple: settle these 1,250 refugees (and a few thousand more) in blue states, where they will be loved and cared for.
Now that our liberal celebrity superiors are publishing much funnier PSA’s about how mean the new refugee policy is, it’s clear that their hunger for sanctimonious self-satisfaction can only be sated by hundreds, no thousands, of refugees. We would be cruel to deny them this satisfaction. So here’s the plan: we keep our promise to Australia and immediately grant these poor refugees and a few thousand more (let’s make it 10,000 total) asylum in blue states. Let’s start by building a refugee camp near Malibu and settling 1,000 refugees there. To ease the burden on the American taxpayer and give liberal millionaires ample opportunity to demonstrate their moral superiority, I propose a homestay program in which the refugees stay with the liberal millionaires, maybe in their pool house.
Those celebrities who have voiced particularly loud opposition to the refugee policy (yes, you, Susan Sarandon) should of course be given first preference for refugee homestay placement. Furthermore, the world must know how well this new program is working and how generous and wonderful the celebrity millionaires are for opening up their homes to these huddled masses. Therefore, the Department of Homeland Security will, on a weekly basis, release the names of all celebrity millionaires who agree to accept homestay refugees and publicly shame those who cruelly decline to accept them. DHS will monitor the new refugee camps and homestay program closely, including crime statistics and complaints from both celebrity millionaires and their new refugee guests.
A reasonable objection to this policy might be that cultural differences between third world (primarily Muslim) refugees and celebrity, California millionaires will create conflict. Pish posh! Surely, any cultural differences can be bridged by joint teach-ins. Celebrity liberals and refugees can learn about each other’s culture together. For example, in one lesson, refugees can learn that in southern California, women walking around in public wearing revealing clothing are just expressing their sexual liberty. Celebrity liberals, in turn, can learn that some Muslim men express their sexual liberty by sexually assaulting and robbing scantily clad women, who in the Muslim tradition are almost certainly prostitutes who deserve no mercy. Mutual understanding will no doubt result.
I propose that this blue state refugee re-settlement program be instituted nationwide. Rich liberals from West Palm Beach to Manhattan to Hyde Park to Aspen to Georgetown (yes, Democratic Senators, you can participate too!) should be allowed to show their magnanimity, or hypocrisy (as the case may be). This way, America’s best citizens can enjoy more culturally enriched lives; refugees will thrive; our allies will be happy; and those of us who are skeptical of third world refugees will be proven hopelessly racist and small-minded in our rape-free, little flyover hick towns. Everyone wins!
Published in General
I remember the camps the Joads lived in when they got to Cali and they weren’t so welcome. Surely our celebrities will open their mansions to a few(thousand) families and right the wrongs of the past.
I’m not advocating blowing anything up, but if you think about it, all of the really cool stuff to blow up is in the blue states. If you really get your kicks raping and burning, do refugees want
Are you guys sure the refugees will venture into the red states? I’m not so sure.
They keep saying they will go to Canada, but do they? No.
I am wondering if we could get Steven Crowder to do a man on the street petition in the trendy up scale areas of the US.
“To protest against the evil Trump we are going to immigrate a couple hundred refugees and put them up here in Bel-Air, San Francisco, Saratoga, etc.” We promise to disarm them before relocation. Will you contribute?
So, explain to me how Australia is one of our staunchest allies if they’re trying to foist people they consider unfit for their country on us?
They fought beside us in every war since WWI (even the Korean War and Iraq War). I wanna honor that loyalty. That’s the main reason I want to honor this commitment. But I also see your point.
Maybe an operation veritas sting where one of O’Keefe’s guys shows up at the Oscars or some other big Hollywood event with bogus credentials that say he’s from the US Refugee Relocation Association (some made-up do-gooder NGO) and asks people to sign a petition in favor of resettling Syrian refugees in Beverly Hills. He’s got pictures of scary looking refugee guys that need to be adopted. The faces those blow-dried millionaires would make would be priceless. Man, this could be fun.
Edit: Actually, forget the Oscars. Just pull the same stunt somewhere it makes sense to do it: one of their mass marches in a big city. Ask the locals.
Dr., you need to come to a Red State for therapy – I couldn’t last 45 seconds and none of it was funny. By the way, I hold you responsible for at least 30 of those 45 seconds – I kept saying, but he said it was funny, surely something funny is coming, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
Got the title for ya: “Allah in the Family”!
I do think that Trump missed an opportunity with this refugee thing. When Canada’s Justin Trudeau said that Canada welcomes all refugees of all types. Trump should have taken Canada up on her generous deal and made arrangements for all of the US refugees on his halt list go to Canada. When Trudeau crawfished then slam him for the liar he is if not the issue is resolved.
Sure, they’re like family. But sometimes you have to enforce ‘boundaries’ even with family or they’ll take advantage. I’m sorry these people have shown up on their doorstep, but Obama should not have promised he’d take them – unless he has some extra room in his new guest suite?
I have no problem with this, but only if we also build a wall on our Northern Border, and institute extreme vetting for all Canadians who want to enter the U.S. If the Canadians want to become the next Germany, that is their choice, but if they make that choice, then we seriously need a wall on our Northern border.
As for resettling refugees in blue states, well, Northampton MA, which is a bit up the road from where I live, is the lesbian capital of America. And they have pledged to take in 10.000 Syrian refugees. Of course, the vast majority of these refugees won’t be able to afford to stay in Noho for very long; they will move to more conservative areas, near and far. So, while I get what you are trying to do, No Way.
There’s gotta be space in hotels down in Chelsea in NYC. Let the fugees enjoy the full panoply of American diversity. They need immersion in the gay culture so they can assimilate.
Use college dorms in the Ivy League.
Add Berkley and NYU.
Exactly what I was thinking. He agreed to take these people off the Australians’ hands, he could put a few of them up in his extra bedrooms.
They’re welcome to immigrate to my area. More the merrier. :)
This is what the deal was about:
So it’s not the calibre of the refugees, but the fact that they arrrived by boat which drives Australia’s refusal.
Indefinite detention, however, is damaging – and the Govt would like to avoid having to deal with that.
(New Zealand offered to resettle a few of them, but Australia refused [don’t know by what mechanism] because Kiwis can live in Australia, and they saw it as a back door entry thing.)
Most immigrants prefer to live in blue states anyway. So you don’t have to worry.
I don’t think it is reasonable to expect celebrities to house refugees. However they do feel for them and so the refugees should be housed in the communities where celebrities live so they can be cared for.
Excellent point. How about let the people decide? Pass a federal law that says no refugees can be resettled in any city unless that city has voted to approve accepting them. How could anyone say that’s unconstitutional? It’s pure democracy. It’s a federalist approach. And yes, of course some refugees will move outside of those cities. But nothing in this law would increase the number of refugees coming in. It would simply require popular approval on a local basis before allowing refugee resettlement.
Fine, so long as information on the referendum includes stats on the increase of disease transmission (high rates of latent and active TB in Somali refugees, not to mention the stuff coming over the southern border) and crime in places where resettlement has occurred.
Now I’m getting mad. The elitists in Hollywood wouldn’t put up with this crap in their communities for two seconds! Hypocritical bastards.
That’s the point. We have to expose their hypocrisy. Let the world see how 90210 votes in private on refugees.
btn,
Of course, why didn’t I think of it?! Manhattan, Downtown San Francisco, Georgetown are just the perfect places to take on refugees. Surely they won’t mind a few extra mouths to feed. Just let the butler, the chef and the housekeeper know and no problemo.
Cool.
Regards,
Jim
“Bluetopia” haha!
That would be awesome. :)
Great idea. American Greatness had a version of this idea in their “Top 10 Things Trump Could Do to Drive the Left (Even More) Crazy.”
https://amgreatness.com/2017/01/25/10-things-trump-drive-left-even-crazy/
“Open refugee settlement centers in the Hamptons, Palo Alto, and Malibu. Settle them in local parks, and note that people are “more important than trees.””