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Let Teens Trick-or-Treat
Complaining about teenaged trick-or-treaters has become a tradition in America, almost as beloved as grousing about early Christmas décor. Who do these kids think they are? Halloween is for children, not bratty teenagers who should be doing their homework.
In the spirit of this longstanding tradition, Slate’s L.V. Anderson has decreed that henceforth, no person over the age of 13 may trick-or-treat. Candy will be dispensed to costumed 13-and-unders only; older kids who try to horn in on Halloween should know that they run the risk of being shunned, or possibly poisoned.
As a longstanding partisan of Halloween, I rise to challenge this ruling. Trick-or-treating is innocent and fun. It should be permitted for anyone willing to don a costume and recite the traditional script, from toddlerhood through the end of high school.
Anderson’s analysis is suspect from the start, because she clearly hates Halloween. She’s not just mad about the teenagers. Her crusade extends to costume parties, monster film fests, haunted houses, and effectively all other Halloween festivities that are not exclusively geared at the grade-school crowd. No spooky fun for anyone old enough to see an R-rated movie.
“Were I queen of the world,” she declares, “Halloween would be a holiday for children and children only.”
I don’t know Anderson personally, but I’m betting she’s one of these people who just hates the creepy-crawly October gimmicks. I have many friends like this, and they too find it difficult to acknowledge that their personal distaste may not need to become a moral crusade. Some people dislike fake tarantulas and monster masks. Others of us think they’re kind of fun. We could debate which group’s preferences should dominate public spaces, but decreeing that nobody anywhere may enjoy these antics past grade school is more than a little Puritanical.
Anderson does at least make a pretense of having an argument for stopping the fun at 13. She claims that age is, “the last plausible age at which a kid could sincerely get excited about dressing up and trick-or-treating. After 13, children transform into jaded, surly, rebellious jerks, as predictably as the onset of menses and the deepening of boys’ voices.”
Teenagers, she’s pretty sure, are not really enjoying Halloween with the joyful, imaginative creativity of their younger selves. They just want to take advantage. It’s about getting something for nothing. Conning neighbors into providing the snacks for their next kegger. Mocking the enthusiasm of the more genuine participants.
As Anderson sees it, the malicious cynicism of trick-or-treating teens destroys the spirit of the holiday even for those younger kids who still believe in magic. They should buy their own damn Snickers bars.
In other words: Get off my lawn, teenage witches!
This is highly unconvincing coming from someone who has effectively already confessed her hatred of the holiday. You’d like to ban the office parties and the adult costume shops, but you’d have us believe that your war on teen trick-or-treating is motivated by a desire to preserve the true spirit of the holiday? Color me skeptical.
You see, some of us actually like Halloween. We liked it as kids, and then as teenagers, and now as adults we still like it. We dressed up and trick-or-treated in our high school years because we weren’t jaded, malicious old cynics like… some other parties to this discussion. In college we hit up local drug stores (no, I didn’t mean that way) for spooky gimmicks to decorate our dorm rooms. And as grown-ups we still find it fun to improvise costumes to wear to our kids’ parties, or when answering the door for trick-or-treaters.
If you’ve got a problem with this, feel free to direct your complaints to the Office of Holiday-Hating Killjoys, c/o Ebenezer Scrooge.
I usually interpret holiday-hatred as the bitter passive-aggression of people who aren’t able to enjoy holidays as much as others they see around them. Teenage trick-or-treating raises an additional issue, though. It’s become a semi-acceptable means of scorning kids who have committed the cardinal sin of not being as cute as they used to be. Tiny skeletons and hobgoblins are just so gosh-darn adorable, and that’s some compensation for the trouble it takes to answer the door to them. The teens aren’t quite as prepossessing, so we snort and mutter, “Too old!”
The truth is, they’re not hurting anything. Even if they are exploiting their neighbors for treats, there are much more insidious ways to terrorize a neighborhood. Also, in a sense they do have to work for the goodies. They must pay their tribute to long-standing American custom. I only distribute candy to young people who are willing to 1) Don a costume, and 2) Say “trick-or-treat”. If that routine makes you feel silly, then yes, it’s time to retire the plastic pumpkin.
Anderson can sneer at her neighborhood teens if she wants to, but I’ll be sitting near my door tonight ready to welcome all costumed comers. I’m also putting out this reminder for all pubescent pranksters: I’ve got the treats. Send her the tricks.
Published in Culture
That pretty much sums it up. We gave out 73 (small) Kit Kats this year, had about as much fun as our “customers,” and, no, we don’t card.
Sure, don’t give the teenagers candy.
Remember the alternative is a trick. The teenagers are the ones actually capable of doing it.
I recommend giving them candy. Scrooge.
The Steampunk Hatter.
Not enough gears for steampunk.
The fondness modern girls have for corsets if you call them steampunk continues to elude me.
As regards dressing up for Halloween, I find it basically harmless if adults want to do it -though it seems to me that the trick-or-treating is something you really should grow out of eventually. I lost interest in it about 12. For an adult, the issue is one of mooching. Children asking for candy is endearing, because they are young and cute and putting so much effort into it with their costumes. The exuberance, you know.
And adult doing it evokes the thought “dude, get a job and buy your own candy. Also, shouldn’t you be demonstrating your own generosity by giving your own candy away to the neighborhood kids rather than skimming mine?”
Teenagers occupy the middle ground -too young to invoke “you should be giving away your own candy” but too old to be endearing.
The solution, of course, is for teenagers to chaperone their younger siblings/siblings of friends/nieces and nephews. This is a limited responsibility, concurrent with their limited adulthood.
****
On another issue -can someone explain to me why everyone is losing their heads over fairly standard hand-wringing about the uber-sexualization of preteen girl off-the-rack costumes? Is the word “whore” now triggering, or something?
https://twitter.com/politicalmath/status/793157908577918977
We don’t encourage teenagers to dress up in costumes and trick-or-treat. We also don’t encourage them to go Christmas caroling anymore. If an activity is joyful and childlike, as opposed to childish, and if it offers males and females a chance to socialize outside of school as friends, we keep teenagers from feeling comfortable engaging in it.
Here’s my one costume since I was 12. Take me to your leader!
I had trick or treat last night and was left with entirely too much candy. Believe me I could have done with a lot more teen trick or treaters if they would have helped me meet my quotas.
At my house, if they put on a costume and show up at the door, they are welcomed and given candy. Its called Halloween, and if you think YOU are too old for the fun, I truly feel sorry for you. It is possible to get older without losing out on the joys of life, you know!
My teen boys (14 & 17) decided to lift weights upstairs instead of handing out candy or trick-or-treating. I guess that chapter has closed in our lives.
I was surprised the number of parents who were dressed up with their kids. The little tikes would come to the door, while their
witchmom waited on the sidewalk.We needed more little skeletons, princesses and Supermen: we have way too much candy left over.
Well, have you tried finding a bra in your size lately?
Many American women wear the wrong size bra and it is uncomfortable. Yet it’s indecent to go out without some sort of foundational garment. Bustiers can be surprisingly comfortable. A real corset, laced tight, is pretty heavy and constricting, but at least it’s not digging into your shoulders all the time.
, Slate’s L.V. Anderson has decreed that henceforth, no person over the age of 13 may trick-or-treat.
Just another Leftist trying to stampout Fun
Huh…, that’s interesting. When building some sort of structure I prefer to support from beneath rather than suspend from above, in the interest of greater stability. I guess here’s another application.
If my life has no fun in it, nobody’s life should have any fun.
Don’t ask.
No.
I agree with Rachel.
Nothing says Halloween is about over like a six foot two Trick-or-Treater who smells of cigarettes showing up at 9:45 PM.
How are we supposed to get rid of the dregs in the candy bowl?
I think it was PJ O’Rourke (or maybe Dave Barry, or probably someone else entirely) who said that there comes a time in everyone’s life when it’s time to stop get excited about Birthday parties. That time is age 13.
The same is true for Trick or Treating.
This is not to say that I am against teenagers and adults costuming up and having halloween parties. Go nutz. But I draw the line at going door-to-door collecting candy.
When Mrs. Dubya and I lived in Brooklyn, not only did we get trick-or-treaters of advanced age, we also got a huge number of out-of-the-neighborhood trick-or-treaters. In fact, they probably outnumbered the “locals.”
This was due to a clear economic incentive. The outsiders were from neighborhoods that were less safe and less affluent. Therefore, the parents were choosing “trick-or-treat tourism” in order to walk with their children in a safe area and ensure a greater candy haul. Furthermore, the parents unabashedly asked for candy separate and apart from what was offered to their children. It was this last part that really annoyed me.
We get a lot of that too. A couple blocks worth of cars parked both sides of the street. It does take a lot of the fun out of it.
Hence the empty beer mug.
In my brother’s neighborhood, they give beers to the Dads taking the kids around.
I used to give out beer and cigarettes (loosies) on Halloween. I finally had to stop when two chartered buses rolled up to the house filled with Frat boys.
You have to watch out about handing out loosies. Cops might take offense and choke you out.
Just don’t sell them. And try to avoid resisting arrest if you do.
You don’t have to sell them. Free gifts and services are taxed now days. As for resisting arrest. People tend to resist a lot of things when being choked out. It’s the breathing thing. When it stops people tend to get irrational.
Spare me.
the choking usually follows the resisting, not the other way around.
Well resisting can be defined in interesting ways. Like I was once locked up for resisting arrest. The officer told me he was arresting me and I asked why. Asking was resisting. Thus I did a night in jail with a couple bumps for my questioning. In the morning I was released on bail for resisting arrest. Never did find out why I was arrested. Eventually the resisting charge was drop after throwing some money at it. The bruises healed also. The lesson, that I kept.
The first Halloween after I was widowed I took my 4 year old around a friend’s neighborhood, one of the other neighbors joined us, he had a little red wagon with a cooler full of iced Rolling Rock. Three Dads with three four year old daughters dressed like princesses, trick or treating and sloshing beer on a warm Massachusetts Hallowe’en. A favorite memory.