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Weekend Contest: Two-Cow Economics
Professional economists get tired of explaining complicated concepts to those of us who can’t count to 20 without taking off our shoes. One popular simplification is to compare competing economic systems using the example of a farmer who owns two cows. A Kiwi talk-show host named Mike Hosking put a few of the examples in graphic form:
After going through the main economic systems, he compared various countries’ approach to globalism:
Most of the entries were pretty good, others were weak, but I know that the readers of Ricochet can come up with better descriptions. Write your ideas below in text (one idea per comment) and “like” all your favorites. Whichever comment has the most likes by 6 p.m., I’ll drop it into the the graphic format above and add it to this post.
Ready. Set. MOO!
UPDATE: And, with 33 “likes,” the winner of the contest is Arizona Patriot with a redefinition of Communism:
revision to capitalism (as it works for better idea & solutions) You take your two cows for a romantic tryst with a high quality (low birth weight for ease of delivery, healthy calves, good bloodline) bull. Keep the females, geld the males (raise for meat or sell) , or sell males for breeding. breed new females to different bull, also seed cows. this keeps inbreeding and costs down, and your growing herd healthy. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Hillary Clinton Investment Economics:
You have two cows.
You invest them into cattle futures.
10 months later you have 100,000 cows.
Men’s Rights Activism:
You had two cows, but the ex-wife took one in the divorce.
All the milk the other cow produces goes towards your alimony payments.
Young men are so repulsed by your situation they vow to become MGCOW.
Ricochet.
You have 2.0 cows.
What else did you expect?
Prog-nomics: you have two cows, but you didn’t build them!
Wall Street
A farmer has two cows. During the second quarter of the year the cows produce record amounts of milk.
However, due to a drought the farmer reduces the farm’s third quarter guidance. Investors panic. Farmer lays off both cows to show the Street he serious about cutting cost.
[double post]
This one wins the creative thinking award.
Very funny. Thanks.
Continued . . .
Your neighbor buys two cows of his own. You explain to him that you think his cows are nice and that it would be a shame if anything happened to them. Your neighbor moves . . . or at least we think he moved, no one has seen him or his cows in long time
Anarcho-syndicalism:
All cows are the collective property of a radical labor union.
As a member of that union, you have direct influence over the management and distribution of those cows.
This system provides for a more just and equitable way of sharing power that eliminates the state and prevents individuals from accumulating massive amounts of wealth.
Yeah right.
Socialism:
On paper, your cows are a great idea.
Neoconservatism:
You have two cows.
You support the government invading other farms to make them raise cows as awesomely as you do.
Paleoconservatism:
Cattle have been going downhill since the 19th century.
Anarcho-capitalism:
You have two cows and even they aren’t convinced your crazy ideas will work.
Centrism:
You have one cow.
One neighbor suggests you slaughter it and have a barbecue. Another neighbor says you should keep her alive for the milk.
They both raise valid points.
Music Industry:
You have a million cows.
They’re all identical to the last popular cow.
You slaughter half your cow.
Zionism:
You have two cows.
Your cows are the sole cause of all the world’s problems.
It’s funny you posted this. We were reading thru my great grandmothers diary and she had this exact same joke except the punch line you have about bureaucratism was the punch line for Roosevelt’s National Recovery Act. This joke is at least 80 years old. Oldie but a goodie,
And are frustrated by the obstructionism of the other half when it won’t produce milk.
Identity Politics:
You have two cows.
They replace you with a fellow bovine who understands their life experiences.
Hollywood:
You have two cows.
You buy carbon offsets to make up for their flatulence.
If the earth could speak, you’re sure she’d thank you.
Ricochet:
You have two cows.
They see Cat III coming and go into hiding.
Judaism:
You have two chickens. One gets sick. You kill the healthy one to make chicken soup for the sick one.
Orwellian:
Four legs good. Two legs bad.
Daliesque:
Four legs good. Two legs melt.
Ford, “what color are the cows”. Or is it what color is the milk, white or chocolate.
Cat III:
You flood the market and drive down the value of your own jokes.
Also, cows fit in there somewhere.
I think there’s a Gresham’s Law line in here somewhere.
Crony Capitalism:
You have two cows that produce only about 30% of the milk of a normal cow. You donate money to the campaigns of prominent members of both political parties, and they introduce bipartisan legislation subsidizing your milk, and requiring that 10% of all milk poured on American cereal at breakfast come from your cows.
Your cows don’t produce enough milk to meet the mandates, and American agribusiness research abandons all its other work and spends 100% of its research dollars developing unproductive cows. Unsubsidized, productive herds decline because of reduced demand, shortages develop and prices increase, triggering starvation in the third world, which had previously depended on American milk.
Your firm uses its increasing profits to fund social media campaigns and TV appearances by “experts” to promote the faddish use of milk from unproductive cows. Tiny little milk bottles with almost no milk in them become a fashion statement among Silicon Valley yuppies and Brooklyn hipsters. Your friends in Washington introduce tradeable milk credits, and force the owners of productive cows to buy these credits from the owners of unproductive cows, under the threat of having their herds confiscated and slaughtered by USDA SWAT teams.
It is discovered that Al Gore has a Montana cattle ranch with a thousand head of highly productive milk cows. Nobody cares.