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The Joy of Filters
I hope this doesn’t come as too great a shock to any viewers of my family-friendly TV game show, but I cuss a bit. I know all the words, I know how to use them and I know how to hyphenate in such a way as to join many of them together in colorful flurries of foul-mouthedness. I’m not especially proud of this skill set, nor am I ashamed of it. It is but one aspect of me, and I use it judiciously, because I have a built-in filter. For example, I don’t think my parents ever heard me say so much as a “damn,” and it wasn’t because they forbade such talk; it just never seemed appropriate to me. But that filter becomes inoperative if I’m in the company of certain old friends (mostly male), around whom the expletives seem not only appropriate, but necessary.
However, there is little doubt that people have become increasingly unfiltered in matters of language regardless of the environment. We’ve all heard men and women spewing obscenities in public, oblivious to the little children or the group of blue-haired ladies in front of them, and we’ve all read the online message boards where no insult is too crude and no word is off limits. And, yes, I know they’re only words, and there’s a pretty good chance that those kids and those ladies and those online readers know them and perhaps use them, but I sure do miss the days when there were places and situations in which they were simply inappropriate.
If you’re looking for causes of the coarsening of our society, you can start with our language. Words convey a sense of the value you place on others. And when those words become so commonplace that they lose all value, they force you to even more unpleasant ways to express your displeasure. I rarely swore around my kids, but when I did—when the language became unfiltered—they knew their father was really unhappy about something.
I’ve had this discussion with friends, and some of them defend the new language realities. Something about lack of hypocrisy or a more democratic approach or the wonders of the everyman or the end of the starchy Victorian era, or some such gobbledygook. Even here at Ricochet, there isn’t universal support for our Code of Conduct. As for me, however, I think we functioned much better, and day-to-day life was far more pleasant, when we were more selective about where and when we chose to express our cruder side.
Published in General
Is that a quote from Lionel Hutz?
KC, in my experience with military men, they curse around peers but not to superiors or around children etc. In other words, they have the filter.
And I rather like the taboo. Perhaps we can sort that out at a saloon someday.
Nope. It was uttered by a parole board member at Sideshow Bob’s parole hearing.
Perfect example: Dane Cook.
Imperfect example: John Stewart.
A couple of things occur to me in reading this collection of Sajakian koans. First one brings Jerry Rubin to mind and his book, Steal This Book and (I think ) a chapter devoted to the f word and the flexibility and power of the word. I think he was right about that . Could have been Abbie though (hey I was there and dont remember).
Another is my practice of always talking to my kids as if I was among my best friends and never parsing or censoring my language . It has a mixed bag of results.
We are totally comfortable with each other, but the language of frustration ( the occasional realm of parenthod) mixed with the needs of discipline have few niceties and those had their impact . My 18 yr old swears with the louche manner of Tony Soprano . Only to me and I assume her friends, but wow ! I wince and try to correct her, but it’s like trying to tell a buddy to cool it. Worthless effort.
I remember my mother, who used to wear gloves and hats, trying to use the f word . It was laughable . I guess the guilty semi precious jewels of one generation are the glitter glue of the present. Thanks Pat. That was my horse btw.
Ah, yes. “Die, Bart, Die.” “That means ‘The Bart, The.”
It was Abbie Hoffman. I read the book when I was in college, and even tried to put one or two of his ideas to work. One that did work was getting free phone calls from a pay phone.
The counter examples are Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan. Funny as hell, without using even that word.
You’re on.
The fact that highly disciplined people can turn it on or off, depending on the situation, proves that profanity itself is not any measure of their personal self-control or self-discipline. Profanity may be undesirable for other reasons, but I doubt it really says anything about someone’s character.
If you can’t stop saying it no matter where you are or who you’re with, that’s what reveals the lack of control … but then the profanity itself is in the same category as “like” and “ya know.” When you use profanity properly, in my opinion, there’s nothing bothersome about it. It’s only when you use it constantly as a verbal crutch that it reveals some degree of verbal immaturity.
Curiously enough, when you use profanity among friends, it’s should be like using the familiar voice in German. Even German children know when to use du or Sie. In the same way, using profanity is a linguistic signal that advertises how you feel about the people you’re with. Most of the time, using profanity advertises informality.
Adding to KCMulville’s comment, that someone has and uses a filter requires discipline. The lack of a filter on language suggests the speaker lacks discipline.
P. S. For those who wonder: I know many of the words – I look them up if I don’t – I just *choose* not to use them.
I can attest to this.
The problem is that everything sounds like profanity in German.
Oblivious?! In my Big Box place of employment, they (particularly the women) are spewing them at the children and blue-haired ladies.
Oftentimes, the words that are most disrespectful are not even expletives. The biggest taboo in my household growing up was “Shut up.” I still recoil when I hear this used so casually as a replacement for “No way!”
This is why German is the only language other than English that can really do rock music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gZ25MYwWpM
Love ballads, on the other hand, not so much:
Indeed. I have no problem with “taboo” words (as long as they are not blasphemous!) because they’re really, usually, merely words representing something unpleasant. It’s all about context.
I’ve mentioned it before, but I highly recommend reading The Wordsworth Dictionary of Obscenity and Taboo, if you can find a copy (it’s out of print). You’ll learn a lot about how taboo develops and changes over time.
In ancient times, for example, the proto-indo word for “bear” was considered taboo. Since the bear is the biggest, baddest animal around, to even utter it’s name was thought to be invoking its wrath.
Seems silly now, but they’d probably think we’d be silly for having taboos around human body parts and bodily fluids.
That doesn’t mean they should be every second word, but I dislike that sort of unimaginative language about as much as I dislike people saying “like” too many times. It’s a sign of foolishness, not malice.
So was Cartman’s mom.
Personally, I do not like profanity. It is my view that there will always be someone who is offended or otherwise put off by the use of profanity, but no one is ever offended by the failure to use profanity. There is no concept, thought, questions or instruction (even vulgar ones) thing that you cannot express without crude language. Therefore, the non-use of profanity is always the smarter course.
Still, I admit I slip from time to time (kicking myself whenever I do).
I debated whether or not I should post to this thread, then I decided: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
Yes, as a former sailor (if officers can be considered sailors, many enlisted would disagree), I have been known to use salty langauge now and then. However, the big change came when we adopted or children – our three girls.
Suddenly, I realized I couldn’t speak those words any more, because I wanted to raise our girls in a good environment. They went to a Christian school up until the 8th grade, then we sent them to the local high school. After their first day, they came home will tales of the “horrible language” the kids used.
Aside: It was obvious they knew what bad language was to begin with going in, so Christian school obviously had some Satan Spawns attending . . .
Nonetheless, I had the talk with them that the world had coarsened since I had grown up, but that they did not have to use bad language in order to fit in. One thing I learned in the navy was not to go around cussing all the time. Cussing for me was reserved for those times when I needed to get someone’s attention about something that was very important.
What about you other military types out there?
I was a “real” sailor (enlisted) and learned from the pros. (CPOs). I remember a discussion with some of my shipmates one day where we agreed that if we used obscenities over trivial matters (pass the effin potatoes, mate) we wouldn’t have anything to go to when something big was happening. (Oh, dear, is that an incoming torpedo off to port?) We were Nukes, though, and definitely a cut above the average swabbie.
(Most of this is meant seriously.)
Foul language definitely has a time and a place. The problem with a lack of filter is that the really bad words lose their power when we overuse them. We should save those really dirty words and phrases for the very few situations in which they are truly warranted.