John Kasich: Governor of Ohio. Presidential candidate. Gentile.
Strolling through a Brooklyn neighborhood, he popped in to a Jewish bookstore to press the flesh and teach the assembled haredi Orthodox Jews a thing or two about their religion.
He began his lecture by dismissing the views of Ezra Friedlander, Kasich’s escort and a haredi publicist. When Friedlander noted that Moses is the most important historical figure to Jews, Kasich waved his non-kosher lobster-claw hand and said, “What are you talking about? Get out of here!”
“The story of the people are Abraham and God made a covenant with Abraham — not Moses!” the Croatian/Czech Anglican insisted. Friedlander explained that for Jews, Moses is more important than Abraham because he brought the law. “Moses is up there,” Friedlander said to Kasich’s annoyance.
Kasich then met a group of yeshiva students and asked, “What do you guys do?”
“Study,” they said.
“And what are you studying?” Kasich asked.
“Talmud,” the men responded.
“Okay … but what are you learning right now?” (long pause) “And what is your lesson?”
After some time they said, “The laws of the Sabbath.”
“Yeah.” (longer pause) “You know who I like?” Kasich asked. “Joseph. You guys like Joseph? You study Joseph? What do you think about Joseph?”
After a few nods, the candidate continued. “Did you hear the most important thing Joseph said to his brothers?” (longest pause) “My brothers, you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good,” Kasich said. “Did you know that? What is going on here? Do you know this?”
Kasich added: “He may have been a little bit of a braggart, you know, Joseph, may have been a little, maybe, but they threw him in that ditch (sic) and then his brother saved him, and then they sold him into slavery, and that’s how the Jews got to Egypt. Right? Did you know that?”
Kasich followed up his inspirational visit to the Jewish bookstore with a tour of a shmura matzah bakery. Needless to say, he had some Passover learnin’ to share with the haredim.
“The press probably doesn’t understand this,” Rabbi Kasich said. “It’s a wonderful, wonderful holiday for our friends in the Jewish community, the Passover.”
Then, sharing his deep understanding of orthodox Judaism, he added, “The great link between the blood that was put above the lampposts (sic), the blood of the lamb, because Jesus Christ is known as the Lamb of God.”
Oy vey.
Unsurprisingly, Kasich’s escort plans to vote for Hillary Clinton in next week’s primary election.
Published in Religion and Philosophy
It’s really okay to just not say anything. Truly. “Hello” and “glad to meet you” and “wow, cool bookstore” is more than enough…
Wait a minute… Are we sure this isn’t a imposter? He didn’t even mention being the son of a mailman.
He forgot the Hebrew for government employee with pension.
But did he get a good lunch?? The borscht – the Reuben, the pickles – my mouth is watering – could he be any more out of touch….sigh…
Schmendrick.