Direction by Luca Guadagnino
Screenplay by David Kajganich
Based on Characters by Dario Argento & Daria Nicolodi

“This isn’t vanity! This is art!”
– Helena Markos

No man can ever truly understand woman. They’re just too… there’s just something… it’s impossible. They can give life, they can command absolute obedience with the snap of a finger… Hell hath no fury, and most don’t dare cross that line. Sure, every now and then some male aggression needs to come out (in the worst cases physically, though I’m referring to yelling) but what is it about the gentler sex, that face, that look, that smell, it just takes you to a better place.

Or I’m just a push-over.

Suspiria, the latest by Luca Guadagnino (A Bigger Splash, Call Me By Your Name), an Italian artiste of some renown at this point, takes his remake into the area of femininity at its most powerful and terrifying. Stylish horror schlockmeister Dario Argento made the original Suspiria back in 1977, the first part of a trilogy, and one of the most colorful horror movies I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the reds are so bright you have to dim your screen; the wall patterns so bedeviling it’s almost enough to make you forget you’re watching fairly standard horror fare. What he didn’t do was find that flourish, the artistic touch that really makes it feel like the story is about something.

The story would seem to be rife with double meaning, given the setting, characters, and location. Susie Bannion (Dakota Johnson, who trained for two years in ballet for the role) joins an exclusive dance academy in 1977 Berlin, Germany. Divided into 6 Acts and an Epilogue, it isn’t long before we sense there is something not quite right about this particular dancing school. Between the nightmares and obsession with being there, that should also lead us to sense there is something not quite right about Susie.

With a much more muted palette than its predecessor, and situated right next to the Berlin Wall, Guadagnino’s Suspiria reeks with history. Dr. Josef Klemperer (Lutz Ebersdorf, a strange actor of androgynous qualities) embarks on a mission to uncover the strange disappearance at the dance school of one of his patients, Patricia (Chloë Grace Moretz). His struggle comes from a deep loss which occurred during the second World War, and tremendous guilt for his participation in it, in one form or another.

But that’s just dressing on an already overly-fluffy soufflé. What lurks within is a much more distressing dissertation on the feminine form itself, an interpretive dance academy that excels in writhing, orgiastic routines, at once in lust with itself and in dread with its power. Overseeing these girls is choreographer Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton, another androgynous performer), who yearns for Susie in ways banal and sinister.

Suspiria tiptoes around being traditional thriller/horror and the kind of sexual art piece Rainer Werner Fassbinder might have thought up. The Triple Goddess of the Crone, the Maiden, and the Mother is explored through various characters, particularly Susie’s strict religious (think Amish) past, and the quiet, desperate struggle for what can only be termed a coven. It’s telling that nearly no men appear in this movie (a couple of cops, Dr. Klemperer).
Carrying the picture along is a score by Thom Yorke, of Radiohead fame, evoking female struggle with his psychedelic synthesizer and weird use of percussive blasts. Coupled with the dancing, the film can be quite hypnotic. Damien Jalet, the real-life choreographer, has the ladies perform push-and-pull, frantic vibrations that often ooze seduction and the vibrations of Mother Earth herself. Jalet was a Paris Opera Ballet and Scottish Dance Theater performer, once creating a startling piece of work for the Louvre called Les Médusés. His work here is demonic and raw.

That means, of course, the run time of Suspiria pushes well past the two hour mark. When it’s available to stream, it might be worth digesting in Acts, clear breaks between movements that Guadagnino lays out for us.

Suspiria is neither for the faint of heart nor is it for the jump-a-thon horror fan. This film serves a niche audience probably approximating what the original has maintained. That means this has Cult Film written all over it. Or the Academy will get their paws on it and sup out the energy. Either way, I have very little doubt people that find this kind of nightmare appealing will enjoy it immensely.
Art Horror you won’t forget.

I just wish I understood women better…

Verdict: Broken Mirrors, Broken Minds
Released 2 November, 2018
Rated R

Film Culture: Step Up (Anne Fletcher, 2006). Bet’cha didn’t see this one coming. Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan may have broken up but for years they were a kind of ideal couple for ‘tweeners and Tatumistas. It all started here, when they met on set of this cheesy dance flick. Street thug (in real life former stripper) Channing helps out wealthy elitist hottie Jenna as penance for burgling her art school. Along the way, he just might be redeemed and earn a place at the greatest dance school in America. She just might fall in love. The point is, we all suffer by watching.

Seriously, this is not all that great if you don’t happen to be a 16-year-old girl but the choreography shines. There would be, literally, four sequels. One of those sequels actually has a credit sequence where a kid does an interpretive dance with only his fingers. Another kid can’t dance at all but he can do the robot while we all have to sit there acknowledging that we’ll never have bodies that tight, rhythm that deep, or (more importantly) the energy to try.

I think I might go take salsa lessons. Who’s in??

I chose this so you can unwind after Suspiria because what better way to calm the nerves after a vomitorium gore-fest by watching a — well, vomitorium gore-fest.

Did You Know: Lutz Ebersdorf. Be forewarned, this segment of the Suspiria review is not so much a spoiler as a reveal of an inner secret. So *Spoiler Alert!! Do not read if you want Suspiria to remain pure!!!*

Not quite an inside joke, more like an artistic prank, Lutz Ebersdorf plays Dr. Josef Klemperer, the psychologist. But who is this elusive Lutz Ebersdorf. I’ma bout to reveal who he is so this is your last warning. Once you know you can never go back.

Turns out, it is our very own Tilda Swinton! Yes, Swinton. If you were watching Suspiria thinking, “There is something decidedly off about this old fellow,” then congratulations, the gender bending didn’t pull one over on you.

Oddly, Swinton would deny, deny, deny when rumors of her playing the doctor surfaced during filming. Only when she was asked if she played the actor Lutz Ebersdorf did she finally admit to being one and the same. Some artists, they’re just weird.