Cincinnatus: Everybody’s favorite dictator. By the way, you also have to wear a toga for a week.

Let’s imagine that — a few years from now — the Ricochetti have mobilized a majority of American citizens who understand that the country is in serious trouble and have little trust in politicians to fix it. The result is the “Cincinnatus Amendment,” giving one citizen – elected by a supermajority of states or the popular vote – extraordinary power for exactly one week in order to restore Constitutional governance. This temporary dictator would control the executive branch and also have the legislative power of Congress. He is not, however, allowed to change the Constitution, remove federal judges, or change the current membership of Congress or Presidency, whose office holders will return to power next week.

And, for some reason, the people chose you to be the temporary dictator! So here you are in the Oval Office: it’s 8 AM on Monday, and you have 168 hours to fix the country! What are you going to do?

Here’s my approach:

First I’ll have some lackeys – dictators have plenty of lackeys, right? – get me some caffeine. Then I’ll tell the lackeys to leave me alone for a bit, while I pray and read a Psalm. And maybe I’ll call up a few friends or some pastors I trust or Ricochet’s Divine Help thread and ask them to mobilize a big prayer effort on my behalf.

Next, I’ll turn to delegating power to people who are smarter and better informed than I am.Here are a few strategies I’ll use (since it’s 8 AM on Monday for me too, I’m only allowing myself enough time to write these all out once before I post this, with maybe just a bit of proofing! But I’ve thought about it a bit already.)

• I’ll give Rep. Paul Ryan two days to enact all his reforms of the welfare system. That should save the country from our current national debt problem for a generation or so.
• If Ryan needs more than two days, he can have them. But I’m hoping he’ll finish on time; if he does, I’ll ask him if he can work to move the welfare system to state control; i.e., more in line with the original meaning of the Constitution.
• I’ll ask Scott Walker to reform federal employment policies a bit: unions, pensions, whatever.
• I’ll have someone (like John Yoo) recruit the best Originalist judges to fill all empty federal court seats.
• I’ll give Tom Coburn three days to identify up to 25 federal programs or agencies to eliminate. If he finishes on time, he can kill another 15 agencies.
• I’ll have Conrad Black identify a few hundred laws and regulations that unfairly punish people who are innocent — or only slightly guilty — and get rid of them. The regulations, I mean, not the people. He can also recommend some victims for pardoning.
• I’ll ask a few people to clean-up, shrink, or eliminate federal agencies. I may have to toss a few maniacal dictatorial laughs at the Liberals at this point.
• I’ll have Rick Santorum clean-up and shrink HHS.
• I’ll give Sen. Rand Paul the Dept. of Education. His job is to cut its powers and budget by 50%. If he prefers to eliminate it, he can have 30 minutes to try to convince me. I’ll try to be fair and objective, but part of me hopes he’ll succeed.
• I’ll find someone to handle the EPA in the same fashion (Help! I don’t know who!).
• And to find someone to clean up the federal tax code (Help! I don’t know who!). I think I’ll settle for a thorough clean-up this week, since I’m probably unqualified to decide whether we should just have a flat tax or some other whole new system.

Later this afternoon, I’ll sign a few things:

• A repeal of Obamacare.
• An Obamacare replacement with the best the plan Republicans have come up with so far. Phil Gingrey’s finest, or whatever.
• An agreement with Stephen Harper to build the Keystone Pipeline.
• A bill opening ANWR to drilling.
• Another bill loosening some restrictions on drilling, refining, and trading oil. I’ll have to consult someone on what exactly needs to be changed and how. I’ll check with Larry Kudlow; I bet he knows.
• An upgrade to the Mexico City Policy, promoting it from a mere executive policy to federal law.
• The elimination of all federal SWAT teams, except for the FBI’s (Does NASA really need a SWAT team?).
• A ten-year moratorium on new executive branch regulations. “But what about the important regulations?” you may ask. I answer: “Congress can make them! It’s their job, isn’t it?”

And tomorrow morning I’ll meet with Boehner and McConnell. Since the Republicans now controls two thirds of the federal government, I’ll ask them to each list the three things they would most like to do if they could (I’ll probably do those six things before lunch, but I’m not promising anything until I hear what they are).

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll probably pull a Roosevelt add two justices to the Supreme Court, for a total of 11. The two additions will, of course, be solid Originalists.

After all this, I’ll have to turn to someone who seems like he knows everything and ask him what I should do next. Since I’m not sure who that is, I’ll call in Charles Krauthammer; if he doesn’t know everything, maybe he can tell me who does!

Later in the week I might bring in someone like Michael Stokes Paulsen to tell me what power Congress and the President have to effectively nullify some flagrantly unconstitutional SCOTUS decisions, to tell me whether it can be done in two days, and to help me identify a couple of good decisions.

But enough about me. What will you do in your week as dictator?