Yesterday, my wife and I decided to check out a group of food trucks on the way home from my mother-in-law’s house. We chose a barbecue place; since we were the only patrons of this fine eating establishment, the boss man came out to greet us as we ate. We were having a nice conversation when, apropos of nothing, the garrulous proprietor pointed out a car in the parking lot that covered at least three squares on the Wal*Mart Parking Lot Bingo card.* He reported “That car broke down and the owner is coming back to tow it. I told him he was in a fire lane and he replied ‘What’s a fire lane?'” Little did I know that this was a set-up.

Minutes later, an SUV with a U-Haul^® tow dolly pulled into one of the slots in the parking lot. The apparent owner walked over to the car. This was a young man whom I’ll call “5X5” as his height and belt size were both only a smidge over five feet. With him in the SUV was a 6-foot Q-tip^®,** and a. . .pleasantly plump young lady wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts so tight that it looked like they had been sprayed on.*** All three of these delightful players appeared to be about 25 years old.

While Q-Tip^® and Shorts fiddled with the tow dolly, 5X5 started his car with a less than thunderous thrum-thrum-SCREEEE. He tried to drive it onto the dolly, but the coupler detached itself from the ball mount, causing the tongue to go straight up. He backed the car and Q-Tip^® tried to reattach the coupler by banging it with a hammer and jumping up and down on the tongue. This did not work.

Shorts took over and began moving the coupler back and forth on the mount. Apparently, the ball was a tiny bit larger than the coupler, a fact that they had not discovered when they first put the dolly on the mount or at any time on the trip to pick up the car. Shorts appeared to be satisfied and stood up. She then bent down again just as we heard thrum-thrum-SCREEEE! My wife and I both gasped. Neither of us particularly wanted to be giving first aid in the hot Texas sun to someone with a Le Fort III fracture.**** But Shorts nimbly jumped out of the way as the coupler failed and the tongue again flew up.

5X5 jumped out of the car and all three of them began cursing.***** Finally, 5X5 climbed onto the tongue and jumped about three inches in the air. When he landed, the coupler engaged the hitch with a CLUNK.

The car appeared to be a miniHonda^®****** and was missing several parts. Even so, the poor engine could not get the car up the ramp. It could, however, push the trailer and the SUV forward, as they had not set the parking brake. I suggested to our genial host that we go over, pick the car up, and set it on the dolly for them. He just smiled and shook his head as if to say, “just wait.”

So they set the parking brake and 5X5 managed to eventually get the car onto the dolly. As I mentioned before, my wife and I were the only customers in the entire food truck circle. The parking lot was completely empty except for our car. I’d have just parked the SUV in the middle of the lot facing the exit and driven straight out once the car was loaded. But they pulled into a parking space so that Shorts had to back out. She immediately jack-knifed the trailer.

After several more minutes of banal cursing, they were able to untangle the trailer and headed on out. I was kind of hoping that the car would bounce loose as they hit a bump leaving the parking lot. But Q-Tip^® properly tied the front wheels to the dolly. As the old saying goes, always leave them wanting more.

“Wow,” I said, “those guys were great. Will they be here next week?”

* Cracked windshield, missing front grille and bumper, trash bag covering side window. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any bullet holes and the license plate appeared valid or I’d have shouted “BINGO.”

** Imagine someone with a BMI of about 5 having head and facial hair that looked like red Brillo^® pads. I really don’t want to know what orifice that particular swab had been exploring.

*** Maybe they were; I didn’t get close enough to see.

**** Although I would have found the answer to the previous footnote.

***** Mostly uncreative repetition of the F-word. They definitely need a better dialogue writer.

****** The front grille was missing and I’m not as skilled at recognizing makes and models as I was, say, seventeen years ago.