How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
I know we've had a few dustups recently. Mostly, from what I can tell, the big fault line around here is about You Know Who.
So let's return to first principles. Here's what we know for sure; here's what we can all agree on:
Liberals are stupid.
Exhibit A: Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of Health and Human Services, is spending $500 million of your money for a program to teach 5 year-olds to sit still. I wouldn't lie to you:
Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius told CNSNews.com on Wednesday that the administration's new $500 million early learning initiative is designed to deal with children from birth onward to prevent such problems as 5-year olds who "can't sit still" in a kindergarten classroom.
“You really need to look at the range of issues, because if a 5-year-old can’t sit still, it is unlikely that they can do well in a kindergarten class, and it has to be the whole range of issues that go into healthy child development,” Sebelius said during a telephone news conference on Wednesday to announce the Race to the Top Early Learning Challenge.
And that's really the fundamental difference between liberals and conservatives, right? Liberals think that if they spend enough money, or fine tune the right social program, they can teach five year-olds how to sit still. And conservatives know that no amount of money or social engineering or child counseling will ever be able to make a five year-old sit still.
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Comments :
Dec '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Are you suggesting that this program be cut? Do you hate children? Don't you want them to receive a proper education so that they can fulfill the American Dream? How heartless are you?
They made me stand with my nose to the wall when I got fidgety in kindergarten. That's advice I'll sell Sebelius for only $1 million.
Dec '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
New motto at HHS: "You vill sit still!"
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"You know Billy, what worries me is how your mother is going to take this."
"Um, um, well, y-y-y-you d-d-d-don't have to t-t-t-tell her, Miss Ratched."
Mar '11
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
You think $500 million could get liberals to sit still? Not really a conservative principle but might be worth the investment.
Sep '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Western Chauvinist: "You know Billy, what worries me is how your mother is going to take this."
"Um, um, well, y-y-y-you d-d-d-don't have to t-t-t-tell her, Miss Ratched." · May 27 at 10:15am
Exactly. In church dad kept us (three brothers and myself) in line. At school, the fear of a phone call to dad kept us in line.
Dec '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
You get kindergarteners to sit still by reading a story to them, giving them cookies and milk and a nap blanket, or letting them run themselves ragged on the playground. Most of the learning in a kindergarten classroom isn't the sitting still kind, it's the doing stuff kind.
Mar '11
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Is this what Obama meant when he told conservatives to sit down and shut up?
Nov '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
I'd be a little suspicious of the home life of a 5-year-old who did sit still all the time.
Sep '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Drugs? I hear Ritalin or Adderal work sometimes? When that fails, duct tape.
Jul '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
I didn't know we were allowed to call liberals stupid. I thought we had to say they were smart even though they think 1+1= ...... well it depends on were 1 was raised and who 1 is sexually.
We of course call Palin stupid but we are required to say President Obama is smart because he went to Ivy league schools and as we all know they have never produced anyone who was ...um ... stupid.
I'm just trying to get the rules down because all of this thinking is wearing me out.
Hey Rob can I get a ticket for the screening of the new Palin movie with you?
Jul '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Day once was that a 2 year associates degree was enough to be a teacher. Kindergarten classes were large and everyone sat on the floor. (Indian fashion... Ooooops like a Native American)
The teachers who were NOT so heavily over educated understood what it meant to be a 5 year old and were able to cope with all of the children. Of course, they also had one tool not available today, a tool that costs very little indeed. Discipline.
Anyway, back to the issue at hand.
In the past our ancestors had two paths - Hunter Gatherer and Agrarian.
The Hunter Gatherer needed inbred skills of awareness, and instant refocus of attention. The Agrarian needed patience and the ability to be calm.
The school system is designed for the Agrarian (note the summer break) and is incapable of handling the Hunter Gatherer since the teaching corps has been made into over educated baby sitters.
One Size Fits All doesn't and Never Will, and no amount of money can change that.
Apr '11
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Conservatives just don't get it. $500 million to get 5-year-olds to sit still. It won't work. Liberal Solution: We need more money to get them to sit still. When that is not enough -- they will come back for more, and more, and more. This is the perfect liberal problem. It is an excuse to spend ever increasing amounts of tax dollars on a "problem" that can't be fixed. But we all know 5-year-olds can't sit still and we often wish they would, but it runs against Mother Nature.
Dec '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Seriously though, I don't think the problem with education is in the elementary schools. By and large, they do OK because the kids are willing learners. Things start to break down in the junior high and high school years. That's when kids really start to lose interest and stop trying. The discipline problems start to get more serious. The willing students, of course, suffer the most.
Jun '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Wait a minute. Who is "You Know Who" ?? Please, please say who it is...we haven't had a 200 comment thread in at least 24 hours.
Nov '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
“You really need to look at the range of issues, because if a 5-year-old can’t sit still, it is unlikely that they can do well in a kindergarten class, and it has to be the whole range of issues that go into healthy child development,” Sebelius said during a telephone news conference on Wednesday to announce the Race to the Top Early Learning Challenge.
I read this again and it dawned on me that, when translated from Progresso-Speak, she's asking, "What's going on inside your home that your government needs to force you to change so that when your children come to the government school they will sit quietly so we can teach them (insert your favorite nit-brained New Age class subject here)."
May '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
This is worse than stupid. I think Ann Coulter nailed it with the title of her new book.
Jul '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
I remember the thought of a particular paddle nicknamed "Ol' Hickory" that kept many of Us in line. If that didn't work the sight of a fellow Classmate walking back in red faced and watery-eyed did!
May '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
So liberals are sure that government spending can get 5 year-olds to sit still, and conservatives are resigned to the fact that no amount of spending with get 5 yr-olds to sit still.. What about those of us who don't want 5 year-olds to sit still? Is that the libertarian position? Or perhaps the "realist" position.
Guess I'm old-fashioned but I prefer 5 year-olds to behave like 5 year-olds. In fact I think the whole concept of "sitting still" is over-rated.
Jun '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
It's "criss-cross applesauce" now. (If that isn't apple cruelty.)
Oct '10
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Recall if the paddle was applied at school a note went home with one, then Dads belt was applied. We were encouraged to sit still or we would not be able to sit at all !!!
Funding this kind of thing reminds one of the the best examples of bad management.
If management is unwilling to fix the problem, throw money at it ...
Mar '11
Re: How to Know For Sure You're a Conservative
Your concept of kindergarten is about 30 or 40 years out of date. Kindergarten is the new first grade. They are expected to come out of kindergarten reading, adding and subtracting, and there are punitive measures for schools that don't achieve the required test scores. There is a lot of curriculum to cover and only 2-1/2 hours a day to teach it, so there is no longer any time for games or even recess. And definitely no nap. No milk and cookies either; snacks are expected to be "healthy."
My wife is a kindergarten teacher. She still has a closet full of games, but they haven't been played with in years. Kindergarten is work. That's why they're trying to figure out how to get 5-year olds to sit still-- so they won't be "left behind."