Women's Work
One of the sadder news accounts I've read recently is this piece from the UK Telegraph. In a nutshell: Thirteen-year-old Chevonea Kendall-Bryan had been pressured into performing a sex act on a boy at school. He recorded their encounter on his cell phone and shared it with his friends. Leaning from the window of her house, threatening to jump if he did not delete the recording, Chevonea slipped, fell, and later died.
Obviously, there's plenty of blame to go around: The culture, technology, the absence of shared moral values, etc., etc., etc. But it's more fruitful to talk about solutions -- and they start with women being brave enough to be honest with young girls.
For too long, too many women who know better have become complicit in the sexualization of young girls because of some distorted, retrograde notion of feminism; somehow, we are failing to dispute the notion that young girls are "empowered" by being relieved of traditional notions of sexual morality. Nothing could be farther from the truth, as most intelligent women know -- and as Chevonrea's story emphasizes.
The bounds of sexual morality -- like most other moral laws -- end up protecting those among us who are most vulnerable to cruelty and exploitation. It is wrong to pretend that girls and young women are living in some kind of feminist paradise when they must navigate a culture that encourages them to risk the emotional, spiritual, and physical dangers of bad sexual decision making. And when women who know better play along, it's cowardly.
How galling that cultural or political elites celebrate and popularize sexualized behavior they'd never condone from their own daughters! Think of last night's Super Bowl half-time show. Anybody think Beyonce (or her husband) is going to encourage their own daughter, little Blue Ivy, to get up and "shake it" in an S-and-M-themed costume so that she can be ogled and objectified by millions of men? And then there's Michelle Obama, who tweeted that she was "proud of" Beyonce. Somehow, I suspect she and the President would be significantly less "proud" were one of their own daughters to behave that same way. Yet they have no problem sending the message to millions of other people's daughters that hyper-sexualized behavior is glamorous and cool.
This is the rankest hypocrisy. Mrs. Obama and Beyonce know better, and they could influence the behavior of countless young girls by encouraging them to see and value themselves as something more precious than simply a sex object. They could emphasize that dignity and self-respect are important parts of what makes a girl truly lovely and beautiful -- and more likely than "sexed up" behavior to inspire a man to want to "put a ring on it." And their example might just encourage other members of the liberal cultural and political elite to stop glamorizing behavior that is destructive to girls' long-term happiness, fulfillment, and self-respect.
If real change is to happen, girls must hear the same kind of explicit warnings that influential women in our culture, like Mrs. Obama, are willing to offer about healthy eating, exercise and smoking. Obviously, fathers and other influential men play an important role by showing that they respect and cherish women as people -- and that there are other ways than sex that will allow young girls to win the attention and approval of good men of all ages. But many men will simply live up (or down) to the standards that women set for them, and that's why this effort must begin with women themselves.
Sharing the truth about what constitutes real "empowerment" -- and encouraging girls to eschew the cheap, sex-centric version peddled by the culture -- begins as women's work, in the best sense of the term. To be effective, it must come explicitly from beautiful, happy, successful women, backed by the men who love them.
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Comments:
Jun '11
Re: Women's Work
I agree that girls seem far too desperate for attention from boys and the cultural signals that encourage that are terribly destructive. I don't even think it does the boys any good, as far as having happy lives and self-respect.
Beyonce has amazing talent and the slutty aspects of her performance last night made me cringe. All I could come up with was an inadequate "That's not very........ladylike" in regard to some of her moves.
Oct '12
Re: Women's Work
Best thread starter I've ever read on this site. Problem is the truth you speak will never be heard in the culture of today, especially among the young females who need to hear it.
The Super Bowl commercials as a whole were the sleaziest lot ever. Some were great, some were awful like the t-shirt company ad where the guy wakes up not knowing where he was with handcuffs on and a strange female wearing his shirt he tries to take off her. What garbage, but nobody other than me in the place I watched the game got offended.Didn't even watch the halftime show; everyone knew what was coming there didn't we?
Anymore popular music isn't really music, it's songs made for young girls (mostly) filled with sexual innuendo sung not by singers but computer manipulated sound tracks lip synched by dancers in risque costumes pushing sex, not music.
We feed kid's mind's with trash and our wreck of a society is what we get in return.
Jul '11
Re: Women's Work
I agree completely with this post. In addition to the terrible distortion of our girls' senses of self-worth, the "pornification of the public square" has made it impossible for parents to watch professional sporting events with their kids. Parents should not have to scramble for the remote every time a commercial or half-time show is about to air.
Sep '11
Re: Women's Work
I think we can simplify the message. When they were in their formative years, I told Daughters[1] and Daughters[2] about a question asked by a fraternity brother of mine at a party.
There was a girl there who was, um, scantily-clad. My fraternity brother asked her if she "was for sale." The girl was shocked--enraged! How dare he?
My fraternity brother--a marketing major, if I recall correctly--then asked, "if you're not for sale, why are you advertising?"
"Yup, she's advertising..." became a common shorthand phrase around our house.
That violates one of the tenets of modernism--the only people who should be judged are the judgmental. I strongly disagree--the world, and your daughter's fifth-grade classroom, include people you do not want your child associating with. Better they learn that lesson early, than learn it when they're in the back seat of a car when somebody pulls out a joint or a condom.
Jun '11
Re: Women's Work
Well I didn't. Since I only live partly under a rock I had heard of Beyonce and seen her briefly in commercials etc., but never seen an actual performance. I don't understand why she is not ashamed to act like that in public. Doesn't she have parents? Isn't she concerned about her child? Is what looks like strip-club dancing actually mainstream "empowered" female behavior?
Oct '11
Re: Women's Work
Ouch. One daughter, who I wish to God would wear something other than tank tops. Worse experience ever? Getting a phone call from a mom I knew that one of my sons had been sharing sexually explicit photos with her daughter. He sent one. She sent 200 plus. They were sent to his email acct and he didn't open any of them after the first few. Had he shared any of those pictures with anyone it would have been unforgiveable, as he would have been taking advantage of what was obviously a very troubled girl. My son was in way over his head - my only criticism to him was that he should have come to us.
Jul '11
Re: Women's Work
Sounds to me like we are getting the society that women/feminist have fought so hard for. As much as I would like to condemn it, as a man I have been conditioned to just go along with it to avoid summary execution. You go girls, more power to you, girl power and all that stuff.
Jun '11
Re: Women's Work
Years ago I stopped in a Mennonite grocery store staffed by young women in modest long dresses with no makeup. They were so beautiful, and they had an air of calm. It made me say "Ouch" like you Annefy, for my own teenage daughter and her friends. I think I became a better fuddy-duddy mother when it came to nixing tank tops, etc.
FJG, I guess women have not all used their new opportunities wisely. Personally I thought women's liberation meant NOT having to wear high heels but I misunderstood, apparently.
Aug '10
Re: Women's Work
An unusually honest man I know said Beyonce appeared to be hawking her sexuality like a whore, and that she provoked contempt and erotic desires in men simultaneously. No. That isn't what I want for young women in my family. But someone did put a ring on it.
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.Proverbs 11:22
And your right. Women whose daughters are shielded by family wealth and status might, at least, be honest for the sake of young
Edited on February 13, 2013 at 2:57pmwomen who don't have that protection. That or tweet nothing at all.