Washington Post: Cancel the Texas Rangers!

 

It’s not just the Redskins and the Indians anymore. An editor from the Washington Post wants the Texas Rangers canceled. No, not the law enforcement Texas Rangers. (Well yes, actually. Them too.) The baseball team.

The Rangers were set up by the Republic (later the State) of Texas to enforce the laws, including the laws supporting slavery. Therefore, the name has to go. The history is sound. The reasoning based on that history a little less so. Slavery was legal in Washington DC before Abraham Lincoln signed the DC Compensated Emancipation Act in 1862. It took a little longer to re-establish federal control over the State of Texas, but that happened too. However, feelings have been hurt, and we cannot allow hurt feelings.

But if we are going to start renaming teams, the Rangers are only the starting point. Long Island has Rangers; are we renaming them too? Piracy was intimately involved in the slave trade — there goes the Pirates, the Buccaneers, and the Raiders.  Bad news for Michigan State too. The Spartans enslaved the Messenians; all the Messenians. The name has got to go. And Portland? Yeah, “Trail Blazers” brings to mind the early settlers who stole this entire continent from the original inhabitants. Shame on you for your implicit imperialism, Portland. Yankees (hated the world over), Sooners, Vikings, Patriots, Pioneers; so many problematic names that we should just rename the lot.

But now, we need new names. I’ve come up with a few.

The Snowflakes.

The Participation Trophy Recipients.

The Hair-Bun Wearing Man-Babies.

Do you have any suggestions?

I almost forgot. Guess the first name of the brave WaPo editor who has issued this demand. Go on. You can do it.

Published in Humor
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  1. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    Yes! The dumber this gets, the better.

    • #1
  2. Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing) Member
    Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing)
    @Sisyphus

    Yeah, Karen, excellent. But they want me to subscribe to read the article. I do not solicit the darkness.

    • #2
  3. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    Rangers sounds OK to me (caution brief “n” word):

     

    • #3
  4. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    Yes! The dumber this gets, the better.

    I’m working to my strength.

    • #4
  5. Franco Member
    Franco
    @Franco

    I propose the new name for the Redskins:

    The Washington Posts

    Scouting report They block well, but intelligence and mobility …questionable. 

    • #5
  6. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    The Inoffensives.

    • #6
  7. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Percival: Guess the first name of the brave WaPo editor who has issued this demand. Go on. You can do it.

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • #7
  8. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Percival: Do you have any suggestions?

    The Karens

    • #8
  9. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    The Zombies (Works especially well in Chicago or other large cities where the dead vote.)

    The Grays (I’d explain it to you, but it would involve probing questions.)

     

    • #9
  10. The Elephant in the Room Member
    The Elephant in the Room
    @ElephasAmericanus

    From the National Museum of Denmark:

    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    CANCEL THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS!

    • #10
  11. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    The Sand Boots

    • #11
  12. Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing) Member
    Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing)
    @Sisyphus

    The Wonks.

    • #12
  13. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    I think it is almost time to start playing cowboys and journalists.

    • #13
  14. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    The White Saviors since that seems to be who’s calling for all of these name changes.

    • #14
  15. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    The White Saviors since that seems to be who’s calling for all of these name changes.

    Best yet. Or maybe, “The White Man’s Burden.”

    • #15
  16. DrewInWisconsin Doesn't Care Member
    DrewInWisconsin Doesn't Care
    @DrewInWisconsin

    The Elephant in the Room (View Comment):
    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    My ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. Who do I go to for reparations?

    • #16
  17. Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing) Member
    Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing)
    @Sisyphus

    I’m thinking a psychotherapist maybe?

    • #17
  18. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    DrewInWisconsin Doesn't C… (View Comment):

    The Elephant in the Room (View Comment):
    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    My ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. Who do I go to for reparations?

    Take yourself out to dinner and lay a guilt trip on yourself in a frank conversation. Then apologize.

    • #18
  19. Dave of Barsham Member
    Dave of Barsham
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    DrewInWisconsin Doesn't C… (View Comment):

    The Elephant in the Room (View Comment):
    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    My ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. Who do I go to for reparations?

    I think in this case you take money out of one pocket, light about 20% of it on fire, and put the rest in your other pocket.

    • #19
  20. Matt Balzer, Imperialist Claw Member
    Matt Balzer, Imperialist Claw
    @MattBalzer

    The Elephant in the Room (View Comment):

    From the National Museum of Denmark:

    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    CANCEL THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS!

    They generally do a pretty good job of that on their own. 

    • #20
  21. Matt Balzer, Imperialist Claw Member
    Matt Balzer, Imperialist Claw
    @MattBalzer

    Percival (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin Doesn’t C… (View Comment):

    The Elephant in the Room (View Comment):
    “Slaves or thralls were amongst the most important commodities traded by the Vikings. They acquired slaves primarily on their expeditions to Eastern Europe and the British Isles. They could also obtain Viking slaves at home, as crimes like murder and thievery were punished with slavery. For example, a woman who stole could be punished by being forced to become her victim’s slave.”

    My ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. Who do I go to for reparations?

    Take yourself out to dinner and lay a guilt trip on yourself in a frank conversation. Then apologize.

    Frank? I thought his name was Drew.

    • #21
  22. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    The Texas Crude . . .

    • #22
  23. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    Sisyphus (hears Xi laughing) (View Comment):

    I’m thinking a psychotherapist maybe?

    • #23
  24. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    “The Hair-Bun Wearing Man-Babies.”

    HAHAHA!

    • #24
  25. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    The Navajo Nation has suggested the “Code Talkers” for the Redskins.

    • #25
  26. TreeRat Inactive
    TreeRat
    @RichardFinlay

    I actually like the idea of the “Participators.”

    • #26
  27. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    Posts were cut by slaves. The holes for posts were dug by slaves. Posts require the stripping of forests and that affects global warming. 

    By keeping such a horrible name, the Washington Post proves they are racist and environmentally destructive.

    • #27
  28. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    The Virtue Signalers. 

    • #28
  29. TreeRat Inactive
    TreeRat
    @RichardFinlay

    Percival (View Comment):

    The Virtue Signalers.

    Virginals?

    • #29
  30. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    Percival:

    Do you have any suggestions?

     

    The Washington Leaches

    • #30
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