Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
Why I Don’t Care About Transgenderism
We’re told a lot of things today: that we should be woke, we should check our various privileges, women are all oppressed, etc. I don’t subscribe to any of them; I’m one of those people who says, oh YEAH? when I’m told I need to be or think a certain way, but the one I find most annoying is transgenderism.
I am a woman who believes firmly that there is a distinct biological difference between men and women, and that difference is rooted more firmly in the body than in the mind. The female physical experience is very different from that of the male experience. We bleed every month. We experience that unusual stress, positive or negative, that is the potentiality of pregnancy. We carry another human being within ourselves, and are both blessed and burdened with a special emotional bond as a result. We are physically weaker, in general; and even when individual men are weaker than we are, we know the vast majority are stronger. And yes, we do think differently, perhaps a hardwired difference or perhaps a difference created by those early uniquenesses. I make no judgment here because its origin is unimportant; only its existence is.
So it really pisses me off when a guy comes along and is convinced, utterly certain, that he is a woman on the inside. Because guess what? He isn’t. He can’t have the beginnings of an inkling of an idea what it is like: the misery and sometimes pride of a period, the knowledge that your body can cradle a baby, the combined ecstasy and fear when a boy pressures you for sex, the realization that the boys around you can perform physical feats that you likely never will, the sometimes revulsion and sometimes joy at a boy’s more aggressive play. He cannot know those things because he is born and experiences childhood as a boy.
But I can’t change that. I can’t make some dude not think he’s a chick. Nor would I try. It’s not my business or my responsibility.
However, I don’t have to CARE. I don’t have to modify my language to recognize his reality, his belief that he’s a girl, and I don’t have to share my bathroom without a fight.
I also don’t believe that alternate reality. Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose, change the name or the appearance however you like.
But for the sake of this piece, I’m going to pretend that his reality is REAL. That somehow, he is actually a girl trapped in a dude’s body. That his/her experience makes him/her special. Here is why I don’t have to care about that.
Special doesn’t mean important. Different doesn’t mean important.
Let me explain what I mean.
I’m short. Not super-short, but significantly shorter than average. I hate that I can’t reach the top two shelves at the grocery store without finding something to stand on (first furtively looking about for employees who might get upset). This does not mean that Walmart should be required to lop off the top two shelves so that I might be able to reach all the merchandise. And the fact that I have bad knees and, hence, trouble reaching the bottom shelf does not mean they should not use the bottom shelf for merchandise.
Short isn’t important.
I have bad vision. That does not mean that all street signs should be large print so that I can read them when I forget my glasses. Boo-hoo, me.
Nearsighted isn’t important.
I’m overweight. That does not mean that designers should create all their cute bohemian misses’ clothes in a size that works for me. That’s on me, too. I can make my own or shop online for my floral, lacy, bell-sleeved tops.
Fat isn’t important.
I’m mildly autistic. That does not mean parties have to have a special host to accommodate me. That does not mean I should be cushioned from the mean, crowded world that makes my blood pressure skyrocket and exhausts me when I move about in it. These are changes I can make to my life, though they are often limiting and frustrating.
Neuroatypical isn’t important.
The world does not have to accommodate itself to me.
And the world cannot accommodate itself to me. I have some serious issues with normal functioning in the world. I like to pretend I’m shapely, not fat, and that I have much longer legs than I do, and that I can swan gracefully through social interactions, and that if I just squint a little, I can see that sign just up ahead oh oops missed the damned intersection again.
But pretending does not make me a slender, tall social butterfly with 20/20 vision. Even extensive surgery and intensive therapy will never do that.
I will never be a tall black man with an aura of cool and a distinct talent at basketball.
I will never be an average-height woman of Italian descent with a Grace Kelly sense of style and a magnetic personality.
I will never be a butch gay genius femme intellectual with glittering knife-edge wit and a sprinkling of pop-culture philosophy books about contemporary glamour.
I will never be a brilliant black philosopher who journeyed from Black Pantherism to common-sense conservatism and is generous enough to share his insights with those who will listen.
And a person born a guy will never be a girl. Never.
So why are we trying so hard to pretend, in this one case, that what one tiny group of people wishes – and by tiny, I’m saying less than one percent – should be accommodated by the world at large? That we can be the cultural Fairy Godparents to this one minute group and, by discommoding and even harming enormous numbers of women and girls, create their dream space? What right have we, as a culture, to decide that the purported needs of these few trumps the proven needs of half the human population?
Because women need their space. Women need their sports. Women need to be treated as the very special set that they are, distinct from men, just as men have every right to their own space and specialness as well.
Women do not need men invading their most private and intimate spaces – public bathrooms, locker rooms, dressing rooms. We don’t even need men who think they are women – no matter how sincere his belief, it introduces discomfort to the much more numerous set of women.
We especially do not need men invading those spaces who clearly have no respect for the needs of biological women.
Hence, I simply don’t care about transgenderism. I don’t hate transgender people, not in any way, just as I don’t hate any group. I’m a strong believer in “you do you.” But I’m also a strong believer in mutual respect, and when people born male – who are therefore biologically different no matter how much plastic surgery and hormones are used to change their appearance – who insist on forcing their way into women’s private areas – who are determined to overpower and penetrate the things that are uniquely female – who demand women open themselves to their wishes, ignoring what women want for themselves – who aggressively and abusively invade womanhood, denouncing those who resist –
Well, you, my reader, are a thinking human being. I will let my language speak for itself.
Published in Culture
I see what you did there…
A-frappin’-men!
Nicely put.
UPDATED: Actually, fantastic.
Fantastic post, Jamie.
I think that the political and moral point behind this weird trans movement is twofold: (1) it supports everyone’s claimed right to violate traditional social and moral norms, and (2) it supports the feminist opposition to the reality of the difference between the sexes, which they deny in the face of overwhelming evidence.
The trans thing is interesting, because it reveals the contradictions on the radical Left, conflicting with both the gay narrative and the feminist narrative.
The weird thing is that, in light of the trans movement, feminists are backing down on that opposition. They have been forced to acknowledge the difference in order to combat this frontal assault. Read some stuff written by TERFs and you’ll see what I mean.
I think we do a tremendous disservice to people when we pretend it can or will. Human beings have spent thousands of years learning to adapt to reality. Now we pretend we no longer have to. Fundamentally though the world hasn’t change and pretending that it will bow to you uniqueness is not a recipe for long term survival or happiness.
I had to look up the acronym, then I remembered. Trans-exclusionary radical feminists.
I doubt that I could stomach anything written by a TERF. I do agree about the trans issue, and about the “invasion of women’s spaces” idea that you reference in the OP. The feminists — TERF and non-TERF — have been invading male spaces for the past 50+ years, while:
No, I doubt that I’d be willing to form an alliance with any TERFs. Given the chance, I suppose that we would vote the same way on a trans issue, but that does not put us on the same side. I suppose that both I, and a Nazi whom I despise, would vote to end racial preferences in things like college admissions, but I would never ally with a Nazi.
It’s not really about making the world accommodate itself to them. It’s about making everyone else accommodate themselves, to some of the most bizarre behavior imaginable.
I agree on the misguided agenda of radical feminism, but it’s very interesting to watch TERFs as they are forced to back away from so many things they had pushed – hoist by their own petards, as it were. I’m hoping very much that this indicates a real change in attitude. Feminism has a lot to offer, if it could just act sanely.
It’s about acceptance of Their perversion, plain and simple.
Fundamentally, I see it as telling people that their reality trumps objective reality. It is because of this that everyone else should bow to and accept their reality. That isn’t telling people that the world is as it is and you have to make accommodation with that. Actually though it is even more cynical than that. Because while the left is perfectly happy telling your average American he has to accept transgenderism, or advocating for an American city to be boycotted if they pass a transgender bathroom ban, one suspects they would never condemn Iran or China for how they treat transgendered people.
Very well said. I totally agree.
Love your post! I like the way you kept it low key. Hehe . . .
I don’t think that feminism has anything to offer, but I’m not sure what you mean when you use the term.
If you mean voting and property rights for women, I certainly agree. If you mean educational and career opportunities, I also agree, in general, but I do not think that these should be a woman’s top priorities. I think that we should teach our daughters that their top priority is family, which means marriage (the monogamous and heterosexual kind) and motherhood.
I find that feminism is misanthropic, anti-marriage, anti-motherhood, anti-family, opposed to sexual morality, pro-homosexuality, pro-illegitimacy, and pro-abortion.
What aspects of feminism do you like?
Finding ways to make women free to be whatever they like. I have one daughter who wants to be a mom and a veterinarian who runs a no-kill shelter and rehab. I have another who wants to be a game designer and artist. I’m a SAHM and writer who homeschools.
Women should be free to be who they are; no one should be criticizing their choices, provided they are positive ones. And no one should be out there telling any young women there’s only one way to be a woman, or that your choices are limitless (make one choice, and you immediately limit the others).
But women should also be given certain special considerations: generous maternity leave, for instance, ways to stay home with their children instead of warehousing them. (This rules out equal-pay movements as they exist today, btw – forcing equal pay is unfair to employers if they also have to treat women with special considerations.) And women should be creating awareness of the relative un-freedom of women worldwide.
IMO, contemporary third- and fourth-wave feminism are just Marxism wearing women as a skin suit.
Jamie, thanks for your response in #14. We disagree somewhat. I appreciate your reasonable position about maternity leave (that the cost should be offset by lower earnings).
My wife is also a SAHM who homeschools our 2 girls (ages 15 and 10), though she now works about half-time in two jobs related to their activities (a homeschooling coop, and a dance studio). She homeschooled our 2 boys, who are older, through middle school.
I think that we make a serious mistake in not teaching our children the importance of marriage and family. I think that the “do whatever you want to do” message is precisely the thing that leads so many young adults to misdirection, confusion, and lost years. This is particularly important for our daughters, because women have a biological clock that runs out much earlier than a man’s, from a reproductive standpoint.
I don’t think that you take a purely “do what they want to do” position about our children’s choices, as you add the important qualifier “provided they are positive ones.”
I should make it clear that I believe that boys should also be taught that marriage and family should be their top priorities, though this will involve different preparation, as the roles of husband and father are different than the roles of wife and mother.
I think that we should be teaching all of our children that finding their life partner, at a quite early age, should be a top priority. I think that we should teach them to do this purposefully and seriously, not based on adolescent urges and infatuation.
I find all of this to be completely at odds with feminism. I’m pretty sure that 95-99% of self-identified feminists would call me a Nazi for the views expressed above.
There is nothing here I disagree with; it’s just a complex issue that does not lend itself well to being addressed in a comment section, tbh. And I have a lot of other unorthodox-for-today beliefs, such as women should come to marriage with a dowry, most young women (up to the age of 20 or so) should be chaperoned much more often, etc. But wow, that would be a lot to go into.
This is not at odds with first-wave feminism, not even all of 2nd wave. But we took a sharp wrong turn somewhere. There are other, better ways to promote happy, healthy female lives than the limited view of contemporary feminism.
You say you don’t care about trans, but if you ever say something like, “Dude, if you’re going to be in the woman’s locker room, could you at least put a towel over that thing?” then you will be labeled a transphobe. And if the Equality Act passes you could be a criminal.
You limited the topic well, but for the record, my biggest concern is the propaganda that celebrates transgenderism and pressures that are put on kids to become transgender. It’s being carried out by parents, teachers, administrators and medical professionals, and it’s sick. If adults want to mess with their own lives, have at it, but leave the kids alone.
Good point, Susan, though I care about the adults too.
The incredibly high rate of suicide among high I.Q. autism might be a bit more important than a few extra pounds or being short.
I don’t care in that I’m not changing my life or relaxing my vigilance over my daughters’ private spaces to accommodate it. I don’t care if they want to live life cosplaying as the opposite sex. But I’m not going to play, and yeah, I’d go to jail over it.
Totally agreed, and that’s a special sticking point for me. A heck of a lot of young girls claiming to be transgender are in fact autistic. There but for the grace of God.
I still think the so-called trans movement is a bridge too far: that it asks too much of normal people, and that it will eventually have to be dialed back by its proponents.
Besides being inherently nonsensical and wrong-minded, it spells the end of women’s sports and poses a continuing threat to young women in bathrooms and locker rooms. I can’t see Americans putting up with those two things, long-term.
I think it’s a particularly noxious, hurtful fad, and I expect it to fade and, eventually, become a marginal little pocket of psychological maladjustment.
I can’t insist society keep me from suicide. But I could insist that I get safe spaces to decrease my stress. I wouldn’t, because I’m not that person, but I could.
In other words, I agree with your point on suicide being far more serious, but it is not quite pertinent to the omphaloskeptic pettiness of transgender demands, nor should that status, even given that higher risk, give me some sort of right to restrain the normal, everyday behavior of other people. My atypicality is my problem, and I need to own it.
With respect; I think Feminism had a lot to offer, and having offered it, found it to have been taken up and adopted.
Golfers know they have to hit the ball really hard and cover a lot of distance with the first swing and that as they get closer to their target they hit more gently and judiciously until they sink the ball.
Activists don’t believe they can ever sink the ball and they espcially like hitting things really hard.
Even more than that, people have to say that they accept it. It reeks of the Inquisition.
I said elsewhere (and I’m the kind of guy who loves to quote himself) that I am looking forward to last-ebb feminism.
Huh.
So they feel unfeminine, or at least don’t see how to navigate ‘female’ and conclude that they would be happier in this other arena? Or is something else going on?
An autistic woman I know who navigates a world where questions about preferred pronoun and gender are common, said, “I hate the ‘What’s your pronoun?’ question. My body is what it is, and it seems pointless to second-guess it. When people ask me my gender, I’m tempted to answer, ‘autistic.'”
Well feminists don’t read. And once sex robots come along, huge swathes of the leftist culture will ignore each other.