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Bye-Kus
One of the many depressing features about this election cycle is the absence of James Taranto’s “Best of the Web” column, which would print haikus whenever a presidential candidate dropped out of the race.
Friday morning, New York City mayor and noted groundhog assassin Bill de Blasio dropped out (no doubt another victim of the unstoppable Joe Sestak juggernaut). This has some personal meaning for me. As you might guess from the profile picture, the groundhog is my spirit animal: I’m hairy, I’m from Pennsylvania, and I look funny when I run. Anyway, in the spirit of Mr. Taranto:
Now he has more time
To devote to mayor tasks;
Eight whole hours, perhaps?
And for his fellow New York flop, Kirsten Gillibrand:
Dem base believes all
Women who accuse, except
When it’s Al Franken.
Mike Gravel:
Palin no longer
Craziest Alaska pol
(She, at least, is hot.)
John Hickenlooper:
D.C. hipsters mourn;
White House will not now become
A home brewery.
Jay Inslee:
Follows own advice,
Helps environment by not
Giving off hot air.
Seth Moulton:
Mass pols usually
Concede on election night;
Marines are faster.
(By the way, Moulton dropped out the day David Koch died. It would be presumptive of me to suggest that Koch immediately ascended to heaven and began performing miracles, but a liberal Massachusetts politician did stop spending money unsustainably within hours of his death, so draw your own conclusions.)
And finally, the first dropout, Eric Swalwell:
Would nuke NRA,
Drops out first; what happened to
Truman Democrats?
I think deBlasio deserves more of a double-dactyl.
Jeff,
In the spirit of groundhogs everywhere I would like to second your sentiments here. A brutal groundhog assassin has no place in the White House. We’ve all dodged quite a bullet excepting the poor city of New York. The big putz is going back to NYC now to screw it up even more than he already has.
Regards,
Jim
Of all the people in the world, only Arahant understands what his response means.
It is a good week for Iowa folks. First the California travel ban and now they are rid of Mayor Bill. Make Iowa great again.
Hickioh dickioh
Billy de Blasio
Unpresidentially
Worked up a sweat.
Early to rise one day
Called off his campaign run.
See him no more we will:
All in his debt.
Eh, not great, but given the conditions. 🤷♂️
No, lots of formalists will understand the double dactyl.
Actually, Taranto did not do those Bye-Kus, they were, and are, done by a reader named Myles C. Pollin, and I believe he is still doing them on occasion.
I agree that Freeman does not have Taranto’s sense of humor-he is much too solemn.
And paleontologists will understand the pterodactyl . . .
And mathematicians will understand the very best fractal.
I was wondering about the connection between the double dactyl and deBlasio. That’s the mystery.
His name is (or can be) a double dactyl, in other words, dactylic dimeter. And it’s a great form when someone has such a name.
Ari,
That’s very interesting. I think they called him “Big Stupid” in college.
Regards,
Jim
Good luck making a poem out of that.
I think I just heard the sound of a gauntlet being thrown.
I read his name as simply two iambs.
Warrén Wilhélm? I guess you could do that.
Or a limerick . . .
Warren Wilhellm is two trochees.
Depends on how one accents the syllábles.
In English, the stress falls naturally on the first syllables. In German I’m pretty sure it’s the same.
Seriously, Kent, think of with whom you are conversing. 😜🤣😁
Arahant, I think of you always. Wait, that didn’t sound right. I should have said that I’m always aware of your expertise in metrics.
Now I want you to “think of with whom you are conversing.” Criminently that sounds awkward.
But also never forget my expertise in teasing and silliness.
“Outfielder, outfielder”
(Thanks to the late Herman Wouk.)
Say whaaat?