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Chinese Man Eats Wife’s Nose for Not Answering His Calls
A Chinese woman has lost her nose after a row with her estranged husband. The victim, only identified as Ms Yang, recently went on a night shift in Shandong province, eastern China, and failed to pick up her husband’s call at 2am.
Angered by his wife’s behaviour, the man stormed into her work place the next morning and surprisingly bit off her nose, reported People’s Daily Online.
The adverb “surprisingly” seems unnecessary, but I suppose that’s why the Daily Mail doesn’t have the international impact of Ricochet.com. Nevertheless, I’m concerned this was an overreaction on the husband’s part.
In my marriage, the phone roles are the reverse of l’affaire Yang. I hate talking on the phone, so it’s usually the Mrs. picking up the horn to remind me to do one of 318 tasks I had “forgotten.” If I’m busy writing, napping, or staring into space, I might wait a few rings as a passive-aggressive protest to the rude interruption, but I know I have to pick it up eventually. After all, I like my nose.
Ms Yang recalled the bizarre (again, unnecessary – Ed.) event that morning to Shandong Television Station: ‘He said: “Why didn’t you pick up the phone when I rang you?”
‘And the next thing I knew, he pushed my head towards the wall and ate my nose in one go.’
At this point a hack blogger would mention that the problem with eating Chinese noses is you’re hungry again in a few hours, but I am not that hack blogger. That would be in poor taste and, as you know, I’m a sophisticate. Instead I would like to focus on the thought process of Mr. Yang.
Back in my single days, a lovely young lady would, at times, eschew my entreaties. I know, it’s hard to believe, but this was the 1990s when women were hopped up on the bad Zima they scored at Lilith Fair. They were obviously flawed women who didn’t recognize my rugged good looks, winning personality, and deep humility. At the time, though, I thought only two options were available: 1) abandon the foolish girl and pursue a more perceptive lass, or 2) put on a Morrissey CD and sulk. I never considered the third option of going to her workplace and eating her nose.
True, a message would be sent, but why would I want to bite off her nose to spite her face? Her beauty was one of the reasons I pursued her in the first place and I wouldn’t want to mess that up. And, forgive me for being judgmental, eating the nose is truly a bridge too far. It must taste awful — worse if she was prone to allergies. I don’t care if some cultures consider it a delicacy.
After considering both sides, my advice to Mr. Yang is two-fold: Most women love to chat on the phone, so find one of the half billion Chinese women who fits this sexist stereotype. If, on the odd chance none of these women are interested in The Man Who Ate His Wife’s Nose, Spotify has a wide selection of Morrissey songs available for streaming.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to read another Daily Mail story for my thinkpiece tomorrow — “Woman Saved by Her Bra after Being Struck by Lightning.”
Published in General
With all the terrifying crap happening in the era of Obama, I’m glad we have a sophisticate of your caliber sniffing out and reporting the important stories of the day. Seriously funny stuff man.
You left out the important detail. Was this nose ringed or pierced? Maybe tattooed?
Was the husband trying out a new recipe?
Maybe the wife did not feed the poor guy dinner and while he was trying to express his hunger he got over excited?
Maybe the wife just looked good enough to eat.
I guess He takes nose for an answer.
“I once knew a woman who didn’t have a nose.”
“How did she smell?”
“Terrible.”
♫♪ Nobody nose the trouble I’ve seen… ♫♪
The Man Who Ate His Wife’s Nose… sounds like 40’s film noir.
You’ve got a nose for news, Jon.
Something about this story smells wrong.
And then there was a guy named ” No Nose Calvelli” A bit Old School –
Don’t mess with the cosa nose-stra.
“When God was giving out noses I thought he said roses and I asked for a big, red one.”
There’s an old story to illustrate the notion that a lawyer on cross examination is supposed to know when not to ask a question.
A man was on trial for biting off another man’s nose in a bar room brawl. There was only one witness for the prosecution. He was asked on direct, “Who bit off the victim’s nose?” He pointed at the defendant and said, “That man, the defendant, did it.” “No further questions.”
The defendant’s attorney got up for the cross examination. He asked the witness: “It was very chaotic during the fight. Did you see the defendant bite off the victim’s nose?” “No, I did not.” Now at this point the defense attorney could have sat down, perhaps with his case won. But he couldn’t resist asking one more question: “Then how do you know it was the defendant who bit it off?”
The answer came back: “Because I saw him spit it out.”
How does this warrant the front page?
[Please feel free to keep reminding us of what the hack writers might mention, were they writing this instead of you, as it tends to make non-sophisticates like me giggle.]
My dad’s not really a phone guy, either, so when his job issued him a cell phone, years ago, his daughters wondered how he’d handle it.
One day, his secretary left him a slew of messages, while Dad was on a break from work, watching my sister’s basketball game with the phone (turned off) in his pocket. He didn’t find anything half as urgent as she did when he checked VM, so he just returned to the office as planned, rather than calling her back, which she didn’t take very well.
“Let’s get one thing perfectly clear,” Dad told her, when she complained, “that cell phone? It’s for MY convenience. Not yours.”
Yeah, it went about as well as we’d expected. (And Dad still has his nose.)
Thanks, Jon. I am surprised, however, that some significant links off Drudge have landed on the Daily Mail. I seem to remember a link to a story on the Iran Nuke Deal disaster. There have been several stories about Kayla Mueller, the volunteer aide worker who I first thought was another Rachel Corrie, but turns out had displayed remarkable courage in her captivity, helping young Yazidi girls escape torture and rape by insinuating herself to spare them, and spent her last months as a slave to al Baghdadi.
Of course reading the Daily Mail is also an excellent exercise in Not-Clicking Discipline, because the sidebar, even with the most serious stories include the likes of “[Random Actress] nearly tumbles out of her plunging kit at last night’s BAFTAs.”
One has to practice significant discipline and Just. Not. Click. It’s quite the maturing experience.
What are these stories you speak of regarding actresses tumbling out of their kit? Is there a link? Ya’ know, for a friend.
I don’t want to accuse this guy unfairly but honestly, does anyone think you can take an entire nose in one bite without loads of practice?
There was a poll between this post and EJ Hill’s post.
Thankfully Jon won, though the contest may have been rigged.
“After Mr. Yang’s arrest, police reopen a series of unsolved nose eating cases over the last seven years…”
He may have had practice, playing that “I’ve got your nose” game with the kids all these years.
Perhaps you missed my Pulitzer-winning essay about Kitty Pope.
Is nose eating illegal in China? Who are we to judge? Should we not respect their cultural diversity?
Here’s our latest Kayla good deeds.
Jon,
Not that a husband eating his wife’s nose isn’t interesting. I am much more amazed by the Daily Mail’s ingenuity. How they can find a story of a woman being struck by lighting and direct your attention to her breasts is just incredible. The Daily Mail has surpassed its own capacity to find the most titillating stories from around the globes.
..harrumph!!
Regards,
Jim
Jon, something about your post hit me right between the eyes: that coffee cup in your avatar. WHAT will we see if you pull it away? Is something that should be there “ex” Jon?
Serious question – nothing to sneeze at!
I don’t know about China, but don’t play that game Japan-the thumb between the fingers has a whooooooooole ‘nother meaning there.
I’m not sure that’s news. Now, if you want to talk concealed carry…
He can find a new one at the ol’ factory.
And just what might be the revenge factor here ? Troubles the mind, it do –