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The Isolation of Togetherness
I’m writing this from the loneliest place in the world: an airplane. In general, I like being by myself and the sensation of loneliness is a foreign concept to me. But on a plane, the loneliness can be suffocating. This seems odd. Why would one who never feels lonely be overwhelmed by loneliness when surrounded by people?
One possible explanation for this odd phenomenon could be that humans are naturally tribal animals and being surrounded by those not of my tribe triggers a sensation of isolation worse than being alone. Perhaps this is why the modern left and other collectivist movements are successful. Join our tribe, and you’ll never be alone!
But it occurs to me that modern leftism leads to personal isolation. That seems odd, too. That may be from the social libertarianism which underlies much of modern leftist thought. If you de-emphasize traditional ethics and religion, you tend to end up in a place where any activity between consenting adults is acceptable, which leads to a great sense of freedom. Freedom from responsibility. Not just freedom from responsibility for your actions, but also freedom from responsibility to society as a whole. Freedom from responsibility to the improvement of your tribe, if you will.
This ability to do whatever one wants tends to free one from restrictive societal norms, which tends to separate one from society as a whole. Some combat the resulting isolation by joining ever smaller and increasingly isolated micro-tribes within society, which can lead to even greater isolation, as one interacts more with his micro-tribe, and less with society as a whole.
This is how I think the internet and social media have increased divisions in our society, rather than pulling us together, as one might have hoped for from easier communication.
You would think that the internet’s ability to bring us closer together would improve societal cohesion. But instead, it has led to more bitter divisions in society, and greater isolation of individuals.
We used to be neighbors in a small town, looking out for each other, sharing time together. Now we’re all strangers on a plane. Sharing nothing but our loneliness.
Man, I hate flying.
Postscript: The above was written on a cell phone on a cramped seat in a turbulent airplane. I have meetings all weekend and don’t have time to clean this up, so please forgive any sloppy sentence structure or cell phone typos.
More importantly, please forgive the random stream of consciousness. Going from a dislike of flying to the social impact of collectivism should involve some reflection, some organization of thoughts, and frankly, a bit more attention to detail.
There’s an interesting essay in there somewhere, but I don’t have time to go find it. I’ll leave that to you.
Postscript #2: So, on a short flight, I go from complaining about cramped seats to wondering about the impact of libertarianism on the human soul. That’s what it’s like inside this head.
And you people wonder why I drink so much.
Published in General
I find it immensely reassuring that out there somewhere, there is a doctor who actually still likes people after being with them all day every day. :-)
No we don’t wonder…
I don’t find the loneliest place to be an airplane. An airplane tends to have many solo passengers. I find the loneliest place to be a big social gathering where everyone has friends except for me.
Nope, not a doubt in my mind at all.
Thanks Doc.
Airplanes are misery machines; cramped, viewless, prone to sudden movements, and filled with people who might at any moment demand or withhold conversation, both of which are dismal prospects for an hour’s flight, much less a longer one. So we studiously ignore one another and hunker down into books, phones, movies, sleep, acutely aware that the people we are pretending don’t exist are, in many cases, touching us or breathing on us – this is what actually pressurizes the cabin.
Regardless of physics, man was never meant to fly.
I used to hate flying – serious anxiety would attend every aspect of the journey. After a few years of white-knuckling it, with pre-flight medication sessions at the airport bar, it stopped bothering me, and ever since I’ve enjoyed it. The worst flights are intervals in which I’m freed from all possible duties, and can read, write, watch a movie, sleep, enjoy a meal. The best flights can be absolutely transcendent.Flying west at sunset over a landscape of clouds provides one of the most gorgeous sights a human can behold, and you feel lucky to exist in this narrow sliver of time on this ancient rock when such things are possible.
It was like the desert up there; even the clouds had clouds above them.
Yes, James. It’s pretty up there.
But I still feel lonely, while surrounded by people. And I don’t know why.
Claustrophobia? It might be a minor form of it.
For me, the cramped conditions are tolerable, but not enjoyable. If I’m in business class or better, it’s fine. I don’t care that I’m in a tube with strangers. I do care when I’m squashed next to a stranger with limited movement. Fortunately it’s not torture.
I also enjoy crowded airports (or train stations) and often go for long layovers when traveling with stops. When I’m in Europe, I enjoy train travel.
Since I live in Alaska, my trips outside involve a minimum of one 3 hour flight to Seattle, and usually Seattle is a stopover with the subsequent flight being even longer. I don’t hate flying, but I don’t enjoy it in cabin class, and long flights do take a toll.
I’ve never had to travel a lot for a living, and end up flying 3-4 times a year. That means I still have some wonder that I’m using technology that was invented roughly when my grandparents were born, and significantly changed the human condition.
By the way, I read a biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder, and late in her life (she died in 1957) she did take a round trip airplane flight.
Because her father subjected his family to his wanderlust, her childhood included travel by covered wagon, when given their destination, it was the only way to get there. Actually, her and her husband traveled by covered wagon when she was a young adult. Probably the most common conveyance for long range travel during most of her lifetime was by train. As the road system developed in the U.S., her and her husband traveled quite a bit by car, taking extensive road trips.
When you read about her, you can see that travel was a big undercurrent of her life. The beginning of her life showed her using a conveyance powered by animals that humans used for thousands of years. The changes in travel during her lifetime illustrates how much things changed for humans in the last 150 years, compared to the last thousand.
I don’t feel lonely up there. I do feel alone, and I like it. The view is vast and indifferent, but it is a comfort to take it in, and marvel at the casual miracles that brought you here.
I love flying, especially if I can look out the window. I have never been afraid, perhaps because I come from a family with lots of pilots, and I have a firm intellectual grasp of the physics of flying. I’m also apparently immune to motion sickness and claustrophobia, and short, 5 ft 4 inches early in the morning on a good day.
I hate the security part of airports, but I don’t hate airports, they are interesting. If you have a long layover, you are liable to see all kinds of human drama. Mostly what I see is the amazing sight of total strangers getting along, and even helping each other, in spite of crowding and stress. Nastiness is the exception, rather than the rule. If you think about it, it’s amazing that you don’t see fistfights all the time.
I live in a fairly conservative place, but I work in a pretty liberal place, so I am almost daily surrounded by those “not of my tribe.” I try not to let it bother me, but I find it a lot more stressful than airplanes, where I am seldom subjected to disagreeable political opinions, not to mention ignorant comments about “my” tribe. I must be a conservative, because if they just leave me alone, that’s enough.
I wonder how much airplane hatred has to do with physical discomfort. As I said, I’m pretty short, and my knees don’t bump the seat in front of me. If I was six feet tall, I can see how being cramped into a seat that’s too small for hours at a time would grate, and if I had anxiety and motion sickness on top of that, I would be very unhappy, because the physical experience is so unpleasant.
Doc, interesting post. A few things came to mind as I read it, one of which has to do with leftist tribalism.
I think there’s truth in the observation you make, that leftist tribalism — identity politics — ironically makes us feel more isolated rather than less. And more than feeling isolated, I think it actually diminishes our social cohesion, by weakening the real bonds between us. I think this is true because, as you observe and we all implicitly understand, connectedness is not based on transient proximity, but rather on lasting and relevant commonality and shared interests.
The left places those real connections in second place behind low-quality and trivial connections of coincidence, such as race or ersatz victim status. Even in the case of legitimately important sources of true connectedness, such as sex and sexual preference, the left doesn’t actually focus on the relevant aspects of those differences, but merely on the way in which they contribute to claims of victim status. In essence, the left flattens true difference into a one-dimensional value on the oppressor-victim scale, thus downgrading any sense of legitimate community people might derive from their shared sex/preference.
Again, interesting post. There’s a lot of fodder in intelligent introspection. Thank you.
Whoof. I didn’t read it that way. The way I saw it, the tribalism he was talking about was more basic and not really political.
Among the strangers I fly with, I hardly ever think about their political affiliations or philosophy. I think I’ve only heard one political argument on an airplane in my years of flying. And that was a Canadian trashing our health care system.
A lot. I don’t wonder at all. That and the length of flights.
At the moment, there are actually direct flights to Australia that take 22 hours. Business travelers are forced to put up with those because their employers want to get them to their destinations at minimal cost, and that includes the time they have to pay employee wages while they’re flying.
If I ever decide to fly to Australia or New Zealand, I will deliberately break those flights up.
And you’re correct — that really wasn’t the explicit link he made. But when he said
it occurred to me that the left substitutes ersatz tribes for real ones. The good doctor may not have generalized that connection to the left’s identity politics; it was presumptuous of me to ascribe that view to him. (Though he seems like a bright guy, so I’m guessing he thought of it.)
Actually, @henryracette, you’re pretty close to my thought process.
I apologize to everyone concerned that I didn’t do a better job explaining myself. It’s a little embarrassing that people can take the time to read my essay and not understand what on earth was going through my mind. I should have set it aside and refined it later, when I had more time.
I may sit down later and hash this out, if my ADHD permits.
But again, Henry has done a pretty good job of interpreting the intended meaning of a poorly organized description of my stream of consciousness at the time.
The insightful comments here have helped me refine my thinking – I’m appreciative of your input.
Funny, I just did a short Warsaw to London trip a few days ago and was also having many similar thoughts. I do remember a time when there was much more conversation on a plane or while waiting. Of course, there was always the possibility of sitting next to someone not so interesting but overall I miss it. It’s not just other people; it’s me, too. I’m just much less likely to strike up a conversation nowadays and I wonder why.
I did just do a bus ride from Gatwick to Heathrow in December though and had a lovely conversation with a woman from Colorado. We talked about legalized marijuana and some other things and we definitely didn’t seem to be from the same side of the aisle but I really enjoyed the conversation. I don’t remember how it started but she initiated it. I actually still go out of my way to talk to people (e.g. don’t shop online, don’t use kiosks at fast food places) but I’m not sure if I would have talked to her if she didn’t first.
Religion and sports teams largely have the same appeal. The problem is that leftists movement are based on government and forcing people to be part of something is not the same as people voluntarily getting together and doing something. For example, Church attendance often makes people happier but forcing people to attend Church would make them miserable atheists.
We have a sick culture that idolizes victimhood so people try to make themselves victims and end up unhappy.
https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/when-feelings-dont-care-about-facts/
https://i2.wp.com/www.nationalreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Pennsylvania_coal_miner_a_black_face_1942.jpg?w=2000&ssl=1
Sports teams are built-in good-natured arguments. Political teams are built-in warfare.