Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
PANAMAX!
There is a sleepy little country nestled between Panama and Costa Rica called New Centralia. It is a poor place, and the habits of its kleptocratic, impotent government have left the poor nation vulnerable to insurgency. The Brigada des Martires del Liberacion (BML) decided it should be in charge. So, they began committing acts of violence to destabilize New Centralia, and by extension, in order to gain international legitimacy and credibility, they began threatening the Panama Canal to their south. Also, threatening the PC gives some credence to their millimeters-deep Marxist ideology. Their atrocities ramp up in both scale and tempo, and eventually the UN decides to establish the Multi-National Force South, to go in, establish order and make peace (UN Peacemaking is very different from UN Peacekeeping; offensive operations are authorized). The US gets command of the MNFS, other Partner Nations command the MNFS’ components (land, maritime, air and of course special operations). The MNFS has, by UN charter, 180 days to quell the violence, establish order, and train up the New Centralian Security Forces to the point where they can enforce their own sovereignty. The clock is ticking…pressure is high.
Obviously, there ain’t no New Centralia. It’s fictional–although it does look a whole lot like southern Costa Rica (with, I might add, the real-world Costa Rica’s concurrence). The scenario I laid out is for an exercise named PANAMAX. Every year, we (at my unit) host the volunteer Partner Nation special operators that want to partake in PANAMAX, as part of the Combined Forces Special Operations Component Command (CFSOCC; pronounced sif-sock). Every year, a different Partner Nation volunteers to command the CFSOCC and (usually) provide the primary staff officers; the other PNs volunteer for supporting roles. Last year, Chile commanded the CFSOCC. This year, it was Argentina (the Chile-then/Argentina-now dynamic becomes apparent in the frivolity that follows).
I am the lead PANAMAX contract planner for my command. It’s what I do for about, eh, 10 months out of the year. PANAMAX ended today. It was awesome.
First, I get to write the script for the exercise. I and my team develop a script with all the High Value Targets (HVTs), identify all the terrorist training camps, weapons/explosives caches, and safe houses at which our HVTs will be found. We create the intelligence breadcrumb trail that will lead the CFSOCC to these targets. Ofttimes, we give some of the bread crumbs to other components–say, the maritime component does an unopposed boarding on a vessel of interest, and the bills-of-lading that they gain have a name or a shipping number related to a target the CFSOCC has been tracking–and see if the CFSOCC studs can winnow through all the intelligence “white noise” and pull out that one nugget that will make them feel confident that it’s time to action the target.
Our script looks like the fruition of Tom Clancy, Brad Thor, Brad Taylor, and Vince Flynn got together, dropped a little acid and said, “What if…?”
Not only are we fighting the BML (which, all year, planners inadvertently referred to as BLM, which sent me into gales of giggles every time). This year, ISIS was looking to exploit the BML to gain a foothold in Central America. Also, there was a new group out of the Caribbean called the Black Mambas. Look, if you’ve got the hubris to call yourselves the Black Mambas, Ima bring the warhammer down on your arrogant head just on general principle.
The job isn’t just script-writing (would that it were). It’s also planning all the logistics (messing, lodging, transportation, airport reception etc). It’s setting up the specialized secure network that allows us to plan collaboratively with the other components (spread out around the US) in a timely and functional manner. It’s tracking personnel rosters and Foreign Visitor Requests and on, and on. And getting 10 months to do it is about right. Except that for nine months I’m running around like Ruprecht the monkey boy, only I’m yelling PANAMAX! PANAMAX! PANAMAX! Then, in month 10, everyone starts to take interest, and each has 20/20 hindsight on how things could have been better done over those previous nine months. Yeah. I love that.
So, here are the 53 intrepid Special Operators, from 13 different countries, that came together as this year’s CFSOCC:
The boys did great. Despite multiple real and exercise driven friction (to paraphrase former President Obama, our collaborative network wasn’t as collaborative as we needed it to be), they stayed focused and productive. Yesterday (09 AUG) our higher headquarters called ENDEX (end of exercise).
Last night, we had a little parilla to close out the exercise. Grilling was the Argentinians recommendation. I upped their game by mopping my brow and saying, “I dunno. The Chileans led the CFSOCC last year, and they had a parilla at the end. Those are some big shoes to fill. Maybe we should just go to the Dolphin Mall, or something?”
The CFSOCC Commander pulled a very Argentinian sneer + shoulder roll, “We are Argentinian. Nobody grills better than Argentinians [you poor, benighted gringo who thinks Chileano grillers could hold a candle to us].”
Oookay. I’m just saying bring your A game or everyone will be talking about last years parilla. It’s on you, not me, hermano.
National pride was at stake (steak). That I could even intimate that the Argentinians wouldn’t smoke the Chileanos at the grill (heh) was an insult rising almost but not quite to the level of an international incident.
Over the course of the exercise, when they weren’t planning the next schwack mission against the Black Mambas, they pulled reconnaissance on local meat markets, did price surveys, and ended up buying and having delivered on The Day 80 pounds of meat. 80. Pounds. Of. Meat.
Our Director of Intelligence (the J2 Alpha) was adamant that he was the grill-meister that was Argentina’s best hope of knocking out Chile as “best in Beef.”
Note that the brother has tactical fast clips hanging off his belt, on which to hang his grilling instruments.
The grill-meister stated that it wasn’t just knowing how to cook the meat, it was knowing how to manage the coals to bring the exact right heat to a piece of meat over time. He spent a lot of time managing coals.
These are my two pipe-hitter logistics NCOs, one Army, one Navy. They were absolutely critical in managing the transportation of our brethren, ensuring that the catering/messing contract was good to go, managing the translators, and dealing with the contracted hotel to ensure that both our exercise participants and the hotel management were happy. One thing that the US military has over every other country is our NCOs. They make it happen. Truly an honor to work with these studs.
This is me demonstrating how easy it is to snap the necks of anyone trying that “photo bunny ear” on Boss Mongo. Love my boys, but there’s a line. If they cross it, “craaaack.” Bunny ears. Por favor.
The guy on the right side of this photo was our Argentinian Chief of Staff. Just a great guy. He kept the staff humming along so that the CFSOCC Commander had enough white space to Think Deep Thoughts. Truly a pleasure working with this cat. (Note my log NCOs watching my back, ensuring no one has the temerity to throw bunny ears on Mongo)
This is me with my Mexican brother on the left and my Dominican Republican brother on the right. The Mexican comes to us via the auspices of USNORTHCOM. This is his second year participating in the exercise, and he is truly value-added for the entire staff. The Dominican and I have known each other for, eh, about 10 years, working and training together. I have a habit of thinking of him as a “kid,” but he’s a Teniente Colonel, and a mover and a shaker. Couldn’t be prouder of the “kid.” Just a great guy who, I happen to know, is absolutely fearless when things go south.
This is me with part of our contingent from Trinidad and Tobago. The female is a US NCO who works Visas, and coordinates with TSA, ICE, and CBP to ensure that the guys we have rostered up to participate in the exercise get minimal friction moving through MIA. Couldn’t do the job without her. As to my Trinnie (official title is Trinibagoans, really) brethren, the Trinnies have proven to be fundamentally sound and reliable allies. More than what’s in the story, there.
I’ve worked, off and on, with the Guatemalan special forces for years. The Kaibil. During the Guatemalan civil war, the Kaibil strategery was la mano pesada, “the heavy hand.’ No Bueno. After their 15-20 years in time out, we were able to resuscitate their reputation. The guy on the right is a Kaibil I’ve worked and trained with for nigh unto a decade. Love that guy. What are we screaming? “KAIBIL!!”
I’ve got some other photos, but I’m going to pull the cork on this post and then pass out for about a week and a half.
Thanks for indulging me.
What a great job. What a great bunch of guys.
Published in General
Am I missing something, or did you not tell us who was better on the grill? Inquiring minds want to know!
Amazing. Love it.
Uh, no. I didn’t mention it, comparatively, and won’t. Let’s just say, this year the Argentinians knocked it out the park. It’s a stand-alone statement.
RAH, Boss! Muchisimas gracias for introducing us – and for the come-with! Awesome brothers and sisters you got there…HooWah and S/F! (So *that’s* why you missed my virtual pinning anniversary party…I understand.) :-)
Yes. Sorry I missed it, Nanda. But my time card for the past two weeks has something like 173 hours on it. The lovely and talented Mrs. Mongo is going to kill me if she finds out I wrote this post instead of going into the room and politely falling into a coma.
Fair enough.
Nice plaid camo in that first photo.
Chaplains are good at keeping mum; she won’t find out from me!
I’d bet with the Argentines every time on head-to-head BBQ, but the Chilean curanto from Isla Chiloe takes carnivorism to a whole ‘nother level.
Mongo, when I read your headline, I figured the word had gone forth: the motion picture industry was calling retreads like me out of retirement, putting us back on the job, and restoring our rank.
But then I realized the truth: You weren’t talking about a merger of Panavision and Imax. Damn. Got my hopes up.
One final thought on this and I’m done: Chimichurri!
Oh yea baby!
Next year the bad guys should be an international gang of vegans.
Boss, I grew up in the 70s. We knew military people were nothing but stupid grunts. Stop killing my preconceived notions by being multilingual and a great writer/storyteller. If I weren’t so damned good looking I’d feel intimidated.
Hey, ST, do you have a good recipe for this?
BTW, the title keeps being sung in my head in a David Lee Roth voice. And I never was a VH fan. PANAMAX, PANA MA HA HA MAX!
I should have stolen it but I was too focused on the malbec wine at the time, but I will try to get a home recipe in the near future. Sorry, until then you’ll just have to ask Mr. Google.
Pro tip: No matter which recipe you go with I would experiment with a combination of parsley and cilantro, or heaven forbid that you be crazy bold and go all-in with cilantro only and completely forego the parsley! Also a squeeze or two of fresh lemon or lime is nice.
BTW: I wouldn’t bother with any non-Argentine malbec although other countries are upping their game. Something about the eastern slopes of the Andes I think.
P.S. To the best of my knowledge no true gaucho puts anything but chimichurri on his protein products. There is a reason.
I’m in.
Maybe a bit OT, but we seem to have veered from SOF a bit:
For those near to a Traders Joe’s, their wine buyer has his/her act together, and discovered Argentinian malbecs some time back. They are now our go-to for acts of grilling, at a fraction of the price of the Cali name brands. Also finding them on the wine lists of clued-in eating establishments.
(TJ generally has decent wine values. I’ve occasionally gotten one not to my taste, but never felt stung on performance/price.)
Arizonans might be interested in hosting your event, tell us more about planning a fight against BLM, oops I meant BML.
Now, I am soooo hungry…Who’s coming over to cook, hmmm? :-)
BM I feel your pain dude. I was the Action Officer 2-3 years in row for the Fuerzas Unidas Contradrogas Conference held at Camp Lejeune. One year we almost had a brawl between the Ecuadorians and Peruvians over their maps. That is – their borders were different.
I had to do some quick footwork to avoid an international incident that year! I forget how many countries came but they were mainly from Central America and the five Andean Ridge countries + Brasil as I recall. Still – good on ya’ mate. It ain’t easy.
Thanks for the post, Boss. My mouth is watering just looking at the pictures. He sounds like the pit masters talking about cooking pigs.
Actually, the Combined Forces Air Component Command based out of Davis-Monthan. You could probably get them to drop some ordnance on your local
BLMBML chapter.Say it ain’t so!?!
the horror!
This sounds awesome. Then again, @bossmongo is up there with @lidenscheng on the read every post list.
Huh?
Um, isn’t *someone* glaringly, mystifyingly absent from the above-described list, O Paladin? :-)
Who, pray tell?
U guys R funny